Post # 1
The whole thing is really weird to me. I know it’s traditional, but it also stems from a really sexist patriarchal tradition. I’m not totally up in arms about it, but it does give me pause. On top of which, I’m kind of attached to my name. I’ve had it for 28 years after all. And I kind of feel like I won’t be *me* anymore after I change it. I know that’s silly, but I still feel it. I tried to bring it up to Fiance once, and he got a little offended. I had to explain that it’s not that I don’t want his name, and I AM going to take it – I just feel a little weird about it is all. Anyone else feel weird about changing their name? Tell me why or why not and how you got over it (if you did).
Post # 3
im soooo excited to change my name, but i dont have a relationship with my father or his family, so its easy for me… i know alot of women who didnt change their name, or that hyphenated it.. and the important thing is that you and your future husband are happy as husband and wife. not that you do or dont have his name. you need to be you!!
Post # 4
I had many of the similar thoughts while trying to figure out ‘to be or not to be.’ For a while, I went back and forth between changing my name and not. FI was ok with what even I decided and I really appreciated the opportunity to have the choice. In the end, I found that it was really important for me to have a family name and will be changing my name.
Post # 5
Kayla I feel the same way! I wish i could change my name today! I would say I never talk to my dad or his family so I have always felt out of place with my current last name! I think chnaging your name is just a part of getting married! I would be very offended if I was a guy and my Fiance had doubts about taking my last name, that’s just what people do when they get married..just like having a wedding or giving rings!
Post # 6
While I understand the history of it, I also know the reasons behind why I’m choosing to do it. I’m not really that attached to my name, and I want that additional bond with my Fiance and his family in sharing their last name. Also, I feel it’s easier when we have children when it comes to the last name. However, I also realize it’s a very personal choice, and if you feel that way, you should do whatever makes you comfortable!
Post # 7
I want to keep my name FH says NO WAY
So I’m changing mine socially but not professionally
I totally understand where you’re coming from
Post # 8
I get what you’re saying Kayla and MissBella, and I’m sorry about your relationships with your fathers and I’m happy that you’re both excited. That said, I don’t want to do stuff just because it’s what everyone has always done… if we all did that, we’d still be serfs and they’d be trading us to our husband’s families for sheep! I just want to make a conscious decision to do this for the right reasons… but I’m not sure what they are yet, except that it would make him happy.
Post # 9
Nope – there was never a thought in my mind about keeping my maiden name. It was funny though, FH and I had never had a discussion re: last names. About a month ago (two months after proposal) he asked me if I was going to take his last name!?!?!? I told him that I never thought about keeping mine, it wasn’t an option in my mind He smiled and the conversation was over!
Post # 10
I’ve always wanted to change my name. I like my current last name and have a good family relationship, but I have always felt like the ‘new name’ is a real symbol of becoming a new family unit. I totally understand why women choose otherwise, but I guess it just always felt right for me!
Post # 11
The only doubt I ever had was because my first name didn’t sound good with his name, so I hyphenated… And now I’m happy to have both names.
For me, it’s a matter of introducing ourselves as a family and sharing the same name is part of being a family.
Post # 12
I dont want to change mind really. I like my name, like you said I am actually really attached to it and I know a name doesnt make a person but its who I am. I mentioned just adding FI’s name on after ming but he got offended as well. I personally am having some issues with it and its not a fear of commitment like everyone says. I understand that when you get married you blend as one, but I am still going to be a person after I am married. I feel like all too often women lose their identity when they get married. I remember seeing older ladies and some not so old signing checks as “Mrs. John Smith” and I was always just like wow! Thats not how I am. I may legally add his so my legal name is Shannon P-S but just socially and casually as Shannon S.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
I thought about it at least 238947934758 times. I still think about it. I wrote 4 posts on the topic. It’s overwhelming and sucky when other people (family/friends) get involved as well. le sigh
Post # 14
Oh man, I have been thinking about this all week! The reality of changing my name is catching up with me, and honestly I just don’t wanna do it. I like my name. It is unique and Czech. FI’s last name is super common and just doesn’t sound as good as my name does now. And I don’t like how it is just expected of women to do it. But I like when family units have that cohesive element.
We had a talk about it a few nights ago. I jokingly asked if he would want to combine our last names or at least take my name, but this seems kind of silly even to me. I just don’t know what to do about it.
Post # 15
I definitely had second thoughts about changing my name!! First I love my name. Second, I am in a career where I’ve published and have my maiden name attached to those publications. So I originally wasn’t going to change my name and my Fiance was sad about it. But I’ve since decided to instead take my maiden last name as my middle name and change my last name to my FIs. He was happy with that decision so we’re both happy now!
Post # 16
I had like, 38th thoughts. I was in exactly the same place as you: I was going to change it—there was no question about that—but I just felt weird about it, and it was hard to talk about it with my fiance/husband because he would get worried and offended that I was changing my mind about changing it.
I sat him down one night and said, “Honey, I am going to change my last name, so please don’t worry about that. But I am a worrier by nature and this is just something that I have to get used to. In the meantime, I need to process it and adjust to it, and it really helps if I can share my feelings with you. I just want to be able to do that without you getting worried that I am going to change my mind.”
After that, he was able to listen to me without getting emotionally involved or defensive or offended. I even called him in a panic as I drove to the social security office to change it and he said, “Honey, you are always going to be a [Maiden name]. Changing your last name at the social security office isn’t going to change that. But now you are going to be a new family with me too. And even though I am not changing my name, I am going to be a [Maiden name] too now.” That totally calmed me down.
I also kept my maiden name as a second middle name. It appears on my driver’s license and my facebook and I kept it on my email for awhile too. That helped me transition to a new name but also feel a sense of connection with my maiden name.
(Side note: Now even just for fun I call him Mr. [Maiden name] sometimes. There is a program on HGTV where the host has his first name and my (extremly rare) maiden name, and every time it comes on I say, “Look, you’re on TV!”)
The odds are 99.9% that you will get used to it, and you’re allowed to take as long as you want to transition. You can use an intermediate name that includes your maiden name for awhile too if you want. Or you can change your mind. You can even change your mind after you change it if you want! I found the process took awhile but now I have adjusted and really enjoy my new last name.