Post # 1
My boyfriend and I are considering getting married, but we have been on the fence about waiting until we accomplish our two big next-step goals. He is in the midst of getting a start-up going, and I want to apply for a doctorate degree. A part of me wants to wait, so that after we each complete these things, we can work on getting a house together (respective to where his business/my job end up) and travel (our shared goal).
Did you or are you waiting to accomplish a big goal prior to getting engaged? What’s the compromise?
Post # 2
We are! We’ve discussed marriage and I’ve even started designing my ring with the jeweler which will be done in September. My SO and I dated for over five years but wanted to solely focus on school before planning a wedding! We graduate this December and it all worked out great!
there was no compromise, minus the anxiety of waiting lol. I didn’t want to rush things or put my career goals in jeopardy for a wedding because I know they can be stressful.
Post # 3
We waited until we both were graduated with our bachelors degrees and had full-time jobs. He’s three years older so once he graduated he had to wait for me lol, but we planned our whole wedding while we were in grad school, so it can be done! It just really depends on your timeline and what you want to do. There is no right or wrong answer.
Post # 4
I got married while in college and am now in professional school while H is working. We weren’t rolling in the dough those early years, but we made enough to pay the bills and be able to buy things we wanted and go out.
Everyone has a different opinion, but I don’t think you need to be settled into life to get married. DH and I have been working towards the same goals and growing as individuals and as a couple together. I didn’t find myself a suddenly more mature person capable of marriage after I graduated with my bachelors degree. Buying a house didn’t do it for me either.
We just wanted to make sure we were financially able to survive + have money to save and have fun with. When we budgeted that we were able to do that, we got engaged.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2016 - Long Island, NY
We did not. My FH and I were both teachers when we met, but he decided about 8 months after we met (after 3+ years of teaching) that it wasn’t what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. I am still a teacher, so we have a stable income from me (I make enough for us to live on) and he has gone back to school to get a doctorate in Physical Therapy.
We got engaged about halfway through his schooling, and will marry 3 months after he graduates with his DPT. (Our engagement will be 19 months).
Post # 6
I think it depends on your age. If I was 21 and in school, I’d probably wait. when I was 28 I got engaged to my ex even though I hadn’t completed my bachelors yet. This time around I had completed grad school and been employed about six months, but that was more about the timing in our relationship at that time as opposed to being done with school and having my career started.
Post # 7
We waited until I graduated college to get engaged. I am so happy that we waited because I was able to get a better paying job. I have no idea how we would have done it if we didn’t wait.
Post # 8
I was in my 4th year of school when we started dating, DH in his 5th (both undergrad).
I graduated, then he graduated a year and a half later (don’t ask) in December 2006.
In September 2008 I ended up going back to school. If I hadn’t, I was going to buy a house and we probably would have gotten engaged and married a while ago.
We ended up getting engaged a year after I graduated AGAIN. DH wanted me to be finished school. It was frustrating at times because I didn’t really agree with his thoughts on timeline but I accepted it.
We’ve now been married a little over a year and it’s great. We’ve been together 10+ years and I don’t regret waiting at all.
Post # 9
Yes! We have been together since 2007 and decided after we graduated undergrad (2011) that we would wait until we finished grad school. He finished his MS in 2013 and I finished law school in 2014. He debated getting his PhD, and if he did, we would not have waited until he was done with that. We got engaged two months ago after I had passed the bar, and I am really glad that we didn’t get engaged before that, because I definitely would not have wanted to do a thousand pages of law school readings/living under a rock bar studying when I could distract myself with wedding planning! It worked well for us because now we can plan without the stress of school hanging over us. Fiance did switch careers last year, which threw us through a bit of a loop and was financially stressful, but things have settled down a bit and planning is going smoothly so far 🙂
Post # 10
MsGinkgo: We’re getting married right around our 9 year anniversary too!
Post # 11
You bees are so encouraging! I love that your different experiences converge on being equally viable options in different ways. There are a lot of things to consider about the decision to get married alone, so throwing a degree and a career change on top of this can be really overwhelming.
Post # 12
I am currently at uni, will be graduating with a Postgrad Dip in November. I need to continue my studies but I am 29 years old and so I will be returning to the workforce in 2016 and 2017, popping out some kids and then getting back into studying (to reach my ultimate goal!)
If you are heaps younger than I am, I would wait to get married and focus on your studies 🙂
Post # 13
We were in a similar situation, and waited. But, life doesn’t always work out as planned and my now-fiance was laid off from his first post-career change job. So now we are getting married next year and he is simultaneously searching for a new job. In retrospect, I would probably still wait, but we were both getting Master’s degrees (while working full time), not doctorates. I assume you have quite some time until you complete your program.
Post # 14
My FH is leaving teaching to go into Physical Therapy too. He’s been teachign for almost 10 years. We’re 32 years old so we arent so young anymore. I’m pretty nervous about having 1 and a half income trying to pay for bills and a mortgage. I want to start having kids soon too so that’s definitely an added expense.
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2016 - Long Island, NY
He is 30, but I’m only 26. He was very nervous about it too, especially because he was losing most of his income and we would live only on mine, but I have picked up extra money by doing per session and an after school program. This summer I applied for a fellowship and I’m hoping that I’ll get it, because it’s an extra $15K every year for 4 years! Would be very helpful.
It’s not ideal, but I’m really fine with this situation we’re in. I thought he would be MORE stressed because of the financial side, but really, even with that and schooling, he is a much happier and stress-free person because he is finally doing what he loves. And that makes me happier and less stressed. We might have to wait an extra year or 2 before we buy a home of our own, but that’s a small price to pay in my mind. 🙂
I wish you the best of luck moving forward! Keep me updated on his progress!