Did you want a lot of help when you got home from the hospital?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
4133 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My mom stayed with us for about a week with both my kids. It was nice to have an extra set of hands – and she was helpful with things like laundry, cooking, washing up, etc. 

For others, we had people over startingthe second day we were home, but they were just short visits –  1.5 hours or so maximum. 

Post # 3
Member
9209 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my baby was in the nicu for a week and my husband would only take a week off of work.

though he worked shorter hours the first week we were realyl home.

i didn’t want people there all the time.  my mom came a couple hours a day for the first week and then every couple of day after that.

people stopped by every now and then.  make sure everyone calls first and no on just stops by unannounced.

Post # 4
Member
9511 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I did not want people there other than my Darling Husband. Our parents would come visit for an hour or two which was fine.

90% of my day was sitting on the couch with my tits out, so yeah not really conducive to company.

Post # 5
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had to have a c-section, and even though Darling Husband got 2 weeks off to help me out, my mom came by every day for an hour or 2 to help me out for 6 weeks. I loved it, and she was super helpful.

My in-laws came to visit (out of province) for a week only a day after I got out of the hospital. Although they slept in a hotel room, they were over here from morning to evening and I hated it. They made me feel like I had to entertain them. They made messes and then when they tried to clean them,  instead of asking me where things went, they just put things wherever they wanted. My fridge was completely rearranged, along with my cupboards and pantry. I mean, sure I don’t expect my ketchup to be in the same spot, but they literally took everything out of the fridge, adjusted the shelves and put everything back in the way they wanted. I haf spent so much time before giving birth on cleaning and sterilizing and making sure everything was was on place for when we brought my son home and they ruined everything in a matter of days. They invited people over for dinner, created a massive mess in my kitchen by cooking the meal (grateful for the meal), but then had guests here late at night while I entertained and then they went back to their hotel room and my Darling Husband and I were left to clean up. They were also constantly holding my son and I felt like I wasn’t able to properly bond with him until they left.

Next time, I wouldn’t mind a couple visitors every now and then, buy my inlaws will not be welcome until after we’ve bonded and established a routine. 

Post # 6
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

The first two weeks was just us, then week 3 we stayed a week at my in-Laws’ and it REALLY helped to have my Mother-In-Law bring meals to me while I just sat and nursed ALL day. They gave us lots of privacy and I just stayed in our room mostly with the baby like Westwood said, ‘with my tits out’ lol, and didn’t have to think about chores or anything. Week 3 is often the hardest week when the sleep deprivation really hits and you think ‘what the fuck have we done having a baby?!’ so the timing was good for the hormonal crash. Then from week 4 my husband went back to work and I went home. I’m happy with how we did it 🙂

Post # 7
Member
5827 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

My mom stayed with us the first two weeks and then my husband took his two weeks paternity after she left so I was really grateful to have around the clock help for the first month. I think it depends on how helpful people are, my mom was happy to do dishes/laundry etc… and at that point I didn’t care if she saw my boobs constantly. I didn’t want people in and out and I definitely didn’t want to act as host for anyone, we didnt really have any visitors until he was almost two weeks old and by that point I was ok with it.

Post # 8
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I was excited for family to meet our baby girl, but we kept it to short visits only – I felt it was really important for the three of us to bond and figure things out together. I am so glad we had that special time together!

Post # 9
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

Moms or Grandmas are always nice. Anything more than that I would think would be uncomfortable. They have been there, done that, so they understand what you are going through.

Post # 10
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

The 5 days after I gave birth I was in the hospital. My mom stayed with us for 3 months after and helped me with everything, I loved that. She cleaned my house, cooked for me and took the baby so I could get some sleep.

 

Post # 11
Member
3737 posts
Sugar bee

I didn’t want any help and all family lived out of town, so worked out just fine. I was glued to my son, and wouldn’t let the nurses take him in the hospital either. I think it was a mixture of shock, wanting to understand his behaviors, and establish a routine. Even when family came to visit, I did not feel like having them help because in my mind it was “my job” and I couldn’t snap out of it to get support from anyone but my husband. I’m probably a freak though.

Post # 12
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We didn’t want a lot of visitors when we came home. My inlaws would come over for an hour or so every few days but that was it for the first few weeks. My dh took the first week home off of work and it was nice just the 3 of us bonding.

Post # 13
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Mom came ( from the other side of the province) after my first baby and my Mother-In-Law (ditto) after the second. They were both an enormous help because they did cooking, cleaning, laundry, and in the second instance helped with our older child, and LEFT THE BABY TO ME. They both were there for me if I asked for help or asked a question, but they didn’t make me feel incompetent.

I think that is the biggest factor in determining whether you are better with help or without.

Post # 14
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I Did not want any help other than my husband. 

Post # 15
Member
2340 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

The first time, my mum came for a week a few days after we got home from hospital. She cleaned, cooked, did laundry and asked or waited to be offered when it came to holding our daughter. She was a great help and didn’t put a foot wrong, but it was still a relief to be “just us” when she left. 

Be very careful to tease out expectations before agreeing to people helping. If their idea of helping is gazing down at your baby on the sofa while you clean, cook and catch up with the laundry then you will not appreciate it. Most mothers get anxious if they are separated from their newborns, and babies are least stressed when they can smell and hear their mothers we are animals after all. 

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