Did you want a lot of help when you got home from the hospital?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

A useful litmus test for how “helpful” they might be is the nature of the offer. If it’s “I can take a week or two out to help you after the baby’s born and take care of the housework if you like, you just let me know closer to the time, I’ll need x notice to get time off though” then fine. If they tell you you will need their help and respond to an initial noncommittal response by pushing and ramping up pressure, they are not offering for you, they are offering for them, and washing pots while you snuggle the new baby is probably not what they have in their mind’s eye. 

Post # 17
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m being induced Monday and my parents are coming late Wednesday night (from across the country) for 10 days, but they are staying in a hotel. I’m hoping this will work out well, but I have no clue!! This is our first baby and the first grandkid on both sides so we didn’t really have anything to go on!

Post # 18
Member
6999 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it depends on your relationship with those who are thinking about coming to stay and if you have local help. My parents live in our town, and we have tons of friends here. I doubt I’d “need” anyone to stay because we have a huge network just a phone call away who could all be here in like 2 minutes. Everyone closest to us is able to entetain themsevles.

If you are someone who gets annoyed having people in town for just a regular stay, you probably aren’t going to enjoy having someone there after giving birth.

My SIL just had her first baby a couple of months ago, and was insistant that she wanted Darling Husband and I to come visit right away. We ended up going a weeks after she got home, because I couldn’t get a flight any earlier. I told her from the get-go that we were happy to stay in a hotel, and if at any time she felt like it was too much to just say the word and we’d go. She insisted we stay with them. Darling Husband actually was already in their town for work, so he was gone during the day. Having me there meant her Darling Husband could go out and get stuff done and I could help her at home. I spent most of the time I was there cleaning, helping her run errands, Darling Husband and I cooked dinner every night, and watched the baby for her to be able to shower or take a quick nap. We’re very close, so she never felt uncomfortable BFing on the couch with us there or sending me on a run for pads at the store.

Post # 19
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

When I was pregnant I insisted that nobody come right away and that we wanted time to settle in, but the reality was that the baby blues hit me really hard and I felt desperate for company to make me feel sort of normal, but we don’t have anyone nearby. It’s hard to say how you’ll feel until you’re in the moment I think. 

Post # 20
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We didn’t have anyone because I asked my mom to wait until she was a few weeks old to come visit. I liked not having anyone the first couple of days, and then the sleep deprivation really hit and I was beyond exhausted…if I could do it again I would ask for only 3-4 days of alone time.

Post # 21
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wanted to add…yes, baby blues hit me so hard and I was so depressed and lonely without my family! 

As for routines…there was absolutely no routine the first few weeks because we were just doing whatever it took to survive. I think having help would have allowed us to get into routines easier, although you’ll find its all really up to your baby, haha.

Post # 22
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Nope. After getting home it was just DH and myself. We wanted to get into a rhythm and get to “know each other” before adding people to the mix. Everyone has an opinion and we just wanted to soak it all in. We just fell into a routine – it was easy. As far as baby blues – we just went out to restaurants, walked the mall, etc. to get out of the house. 

We restricted visitors for a couple of weeks after we were home.

At the hospital we only allowed grandparents to come and visit. 

Post # 23
Member
902 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

With my first – no, it was offered and we played it by ear, but ended up declining.  I didn’t need help and didn’t really want to entertain.  With my second, yes.  My mom stayed for a week after baby was born and it was awesome.  She took my 3 year old out every day to do fun things, cooked for us and did most of the cleaning.  My Mother-In-Law came out the next week and also stayed for a week.  She also helped with the cooking and cleaning, but not so much with my 3 year old which is where I really needed it.  I know she did the best she knew how (she’s not tht comfortable with taking care of children) but I honestly wish that she hadn’t of come, it ended up being more work for me because I felt like I had to entertain her and my kiddo and be out doing things that I didn’t really feel ready to do yet.  Our Family lives  very far away so having them camped out in my living room for two weeks straight was a little overwhelming but I was so grateful to have help with my 3 year old that first week.

Post # 24
Member
894 posts
Busy bee

Yes!!! I had a c-section and a lot of trouble feeding the baby in the beginning, I needed all the help I could get. My mom stayed with us and helped with food, cleaning etc. It was helpful!

Post # 24
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee

I had a difficult delivery and ended up staying in the hospital for nearly a week to recover and take care of my baby there.  I was surrounded by hospital staff that entire time and people coming to visit.  So by the time I got home, I just wanted to settle into a routine and be on our own. My husband was the only one around to help me and that was fine.  I didn’t feel I needed a lot of help.  I didn’t have people coming to cook and clean for me – I pretty much did it all on my own with a new baby.  I was always tired, but I enjoyed it.

Post # 26
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

As a new mom, I recommend accepting all the help you can get. We like to think of ourselves as “super moms” but at that time your body is still healing and we realistically can’t do as much. My mother stayed with me for a week and then my boyfriends mother and her sis came for 2 weeks. I appreciated the extra hands. And the mental breaks.

Post # 27
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I loved visitors/help. I didn’t mind anyone who was willing to fold my laundry/bring me food/vacuum while I was glued to the couch nursing, especially after my husband went back to work. When I had my second, I also enjoyed the opportunity to have someone else hold my newborn son so I could have one-on-one time with my older daughter. I am pretty social, so being secluded in my house sounds like a nightmare.

Post # 28
Member
9812 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yes, I LOVED help.  But the key factor is they need to actually be helpful (meaning they will cook, clean, do laundry, etc) vs. having to entertian them and you need to be comfortable around them.  If they don’t fulfill either of those, then I’d rather not have them.  With #1 my mom stayed a week and just did the cooking, cleaning, and would watch the baby for a couple hours in the morning so I could sleep.  With #2 she helped cook and do laundry and mostly helped out with my first so I could concentrate on the baby.  I kept my first home from daycare for a week (to try to minimize germs) so she took her out of the house some as well because it was very hectic with both of them therre in the beginning.  She stayed a week both times but I would have let her stay longer if she had wanted to lol.

Post # 29
Member
6443 posts
Bee Keeper

aubreymer91 :  Nope not for us.  We wanted the 6 weeks after birth to learn and focus on being parents without having our parents hovering over us.

Post # 30
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Congrats! We are due in September and although my mother lives above us (apartment building) I don’t anticipate wanting anyone around except for short visits. Im really independent and hate being “managed”.  Plus my mother has boundary issues so I feel like all the work we’ve put into establishing these boundaries (as a result of living so close) would really set us back if she was here a lot after the baby.

His mom is more like me and not overtly emotional so I am sure she will offer to help out but wait for the invitation rather then just assume its her “right” to be helping/around. 

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