Did you/would you ring shop together, or have it be a surprise?

posted 9 months ago in Rings
  • poll: Ring shop, or surprise?
    Shop rings together and purchase right then and there and then just wait for proposal. : (33 votes)
    40 %
    Shop to get sized & show him styles you like, let him choose the ring another time and surprise you : (30 votes)
    37 %
    Tell him what you do/don't like in a ring, have the rest be completely up to him : (17 votes)
    21 %
    Don't give hints, just let him surprise you one day. : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 16
    22 posts
    • Wedding: May 2019

    I had a really unique situation. My fiance completely surprised me with a ring – but gained a few hints here and there from him prying for my opinion when friends got engaged over time. I also worked on a diamond mine, so he was sweating buckets about the diamond quality and source – poor guy!

    The ring he proposed with was a diamond solitaire (check) – but with a super 4mm thick platinum band. Being pretty tiny, it just didn’t go. Of course I didn’t tell him or let on – despite him begging me to tell him what my dream ring would be.  He had checked with the jeweller that we could exchange beforehand. He then reached out to my best friend to ask what my ideal ring would be – and ended up setting up an exchange for a daintier band with the same diamond. 

    I felt so AWFUL. I hated the idea that I wouldn’t have the original ring he lovingly chose – and stressed over for months. It was heartbreaking. I was already attached to my left-hand boulder lol. I loved the new ring, of course, but just felt sick about it. He then surprised me with the initial 4mm setting as well – with a ruby in place of the diamond (my birthstone) and a super sentimental engraving. So due to the surprise, I ended up with a perfect engagement ring, an rhr AND an adorable story that shows just how sweet, generous and kind my future hubby really is. <3

    So I vote…. surprise! 

    Post # 17
    833 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

    For me it was I between option one and two. I showed him rings I liked but then I told him the ring I liked the lost. 😀 haha it was sort of shopping together but I wasn’t involved in any part of deciding on carat or pricing in general. I wouldn’t like to get too involved and wouldn’t be surprised if he’d hold onto the ring we bought together. 

    Post # 18
    290 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2020

    We had the conversation about moving things forward and decided together we would start out by shopping, looking at styles, etc and he would take it from there.  So we did, found what I liked and didn’t like, what diamond I prefer, etc.  He then went on Pricescope and learned everything he could and bought a ring online.  He did so well, it surpassed all of my expectations!

    Post # 19
    745 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    ysel :  So I voted for shop together. My fiance actually proposed before we went shopping for a ring. He used a stand in ring that was just costume jewlery and then later we went to the jewler together. I can say, goign together to pick out a ring while already being engaged was so much fun!

    It was a really fun enjoyable experience and I am so glad we got to do it together. It’s a memory I will definitely cherish!

    Post # 20
    42 posts

    I want to design my own and im very picky about it so i told my partner he’ll have to propose with a walmart ring or something then i can design the real one myself. 

    Post # 21
    5967 posts
    Bee Keeper

    My husband and I shopped together. This was ages ago, before huge and elaborate proposals were a thing. But we had agreed that we would pick out the ring together and then he would pick a time to propose. He wanted my input on the ring to make sure it was something I would like and that it would look good on me, too. In the end, my husband is really the person who picked my stone shape and the setting we got. They were ones he wanted to try, and we both loved them. So that’s what we got!

    We went through a diamond wholesaler, so we picked our stone and setting separately. We had to wait for a couple of weeks for the ring to be ready. The place we purchased from was in a town about 2.5 to 3 hours from where we lived at the time, so we went to pick up the ring together once it was done. We had planned to make a day of it in this town, with eating at a special place and getting together with some friends. My husband was almost as excited about the ring as I was, and he told me he couldn’t wait to propose. So he actually proposed right there, outside the store as we were leaving. It wasn’t some huge and elaborate thing, and I know it wouldn’t be most people’s idea of a perfect proposal. But, 20+ years later, I still remember the words he said and the look on his face. So it was perfect to me. ^.~

    Post # 22
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: Chesapeake, VA

    It was a complete surprise! 🙂 

    Post # 23
    2917 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    ysel :  We looked at rings together but at the time I thought it was just for shits and giggles as engagment seemed further off. We had talked about rings we liked too, like everytime someone we knew got engaged we’d see the ring pic on social media and briefly talk about it. We both had the same idea in mind for mine, so he went out on his own and got the ring by himself, without me knowing and it was just what I wanted.

    A friend of ours proposed to his now wife with this ring that was just soooo bad, and just not her style at all. She accepted the proposal and then the next day they went back and got something that was more her style. I know it must have hurt his feelings, but you would have to have VERY specific taste to wear this ring. 

    I definitely think it’s important to at least talk about ring styles to avoid the awkward situation they ended up in. I feel like there’s plenty of ways he could have figured it out, even without directly asking her if he wanted it to be a big surprise.

    Post # 24
    812 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    I told my SO my preferences, but I trusted his taste in picking something he also liked and was within his budget. He found a jeweler that could make a ring that matched both my criteria (clear stone, bezel setting, not yellow gold) and his (in-person selection and design process, platinum setting, ethically-sourced diamond).

    I love the ring he picked and the jeweler he found; I plan on working with her again for the wedding band.

    Post # 25
    413 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    What I would have ideally done, were it up to me: at some point send him a few inspiration pictures and discuss things I like in a ring, possibly even go to a jewelry store to try on a few, but leave the final decision and purchase up to him.

    What we actually did: We had been dating about 7-ish months when my fiance first mentioned that he was going to go ring shopping for me sometime soon. Mind you, at this point I wasn’t even 100% sure about marriage with him yet, so I didn’t really encourage the conversation. He said it was very important to him to pick out a ring that represented how he feels about me, and I respected that and thought it was romantic, even though I knew I wouldn’t get a ring that was exactly what I would pick out for myself. He mentioned getting a sterling silver setting with a diamond, etc etc, and I just nodded and said that sounds nice.

    A day or two later, some friends of ours announced their engagement on facebook, along with a picture of the girl’s diamond ring. At that point, on the heels of the ring discussion a couple days prior, I spoke up and mentioned that I’ve always preferred my birthstone, sapphire, over diamonds, so I would rather have a sapphire engagement ring. Plus, I knew my FH would be working with a small budget at the time, so I figured that would allow him to get a larger/better stone for his money. So he agreed to that; that was the only input I had in my ring. He went shopping and purchased a ring a few months later, all without my knowledge.

    I love the ring I received! If the decision were entirely mine, I would have gone with something blingier, but my fiance is a simple, frugal, and pragmatic person — which are qualities that I love about him — and he got me a more simple, frugal, and pragmatic ring. It is a ring that represents him and how he feels about me, which is what both of us wanted. I got to pick my own wedding band (it should be arriving tomorrow!), so I picked a more blingy band, and that seems like a good compromise to me. 

    Post # 26
    981 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2019

    I told my FH early that I wanted some input. I looked at styles for months on my own and would show him things I liked. My initial taste changed a lot so at each evolution I would ask him what he thought. I narrowed it down to 2 styles and we both leaned more towards one of them.

    I ended up picking the ring myself and giving him all of the info. He was pretty open about saving for it, told me when he ordered it, and I signed for it when it was delivered to our home. He even let me look at it and try it on when it arrived.

    That was yesterday. He told me he will propose no later than Feb 10th (anniversary weekend) so I know he has it, I know its coming within 3 weeks, but dont know exactly how/when/where.

    Given my type A/controlling tendencies… this is exactly how I wanted it! I dont do well with ambiguity lol

    Post # 27
    12 posts
    • Wedding: June 2019

    It wasn’t an option in the poll but he proposed and then we went to choose a ring together about a week later. That’s the way I really wanted it to happen, and he was happy to oblige. The proposal was a complete surprise, no hints or anything.

    Post # 28
    55 posts
    Worker bee

    My boyfriend has asked me before if he wanted me to propose without a ring and then choose my own ring, or if I was happy with his choice, I said I was happy with his choice. When we’ve been in jewellery shops looking for Christmas gifts for his sister, he pointed out some rings he liked and asked if he was on the right track  he totally was. I know its on the cards but still a surprise!

    For me I really like his taste, and I like the idea that it will be something he chose for me!

    Post # 29
    88 posts
    Worker bee

    He proposed and then we shopped for a ring together, which I absolutely loved as I didn’t actually know what type I’d want!

    The engagement was not announced until we had the ring.

    Post # 30
    1571 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

    I tried to just give him general hints and descriptions but he kept coming back with so many questions. It was easier to go together and for me to show him a few styles to choose from. He wanted it to be perfect so I helped him out a bit! 

    I did not see him purchase the ring as it was a few months until I got it (Verragio is slow).

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