(Closed) Did you write your own vows???

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
948 posts
Busy bee

We wrote ours together. 

Post # 3
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

I know personal vows are very trendy nowadays, but Fiance and I just felt like traditional vows capture everything we want to express to each other. The cutesy things you want to promise to each other are only supplemental. As a compromise, you could say traditional vows but write each other a short letter to read on the day of the wedding. 

Post # 4
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I always assumed we would just go with traditional vows, but then during a meeting with our officiant Fiance said writing our own vows was something he really wanted to do! He hadn’t expressed a firm opinion on anything else having to do with the wedding, it was always “whatever you want”, so I readily agreed to it. As it’s getting closer tho, it does have me a little anxious. 

Post # 5
Member
921 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

We wrote our own and kept them a secret until the ceremony. 

Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

View original reply
mle812:  We have frakenvows.  I hated the traditional vows in our officiant’s secular ceremony.  He was open to us changing them.  So we did.  I pasted together several vows I found online and then he edited them slightly.  

Post # 7
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

We wrote our own vows but agreed to keep them to like 5 sentences each so as not to be too overly flowery and gooshy and lower pressure on ourselves.  We also recited traditional vows (“in sickness and in health, ….”) because they’re so beautiful and significant. It was still really quick and went perfectly. 

Post # 9
Member
8457 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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mle812:  We went traditional. I’m a history buff and liked the idea of using words that have held meaning for centuries. Plus, they said it all: I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part. Sums it up nicely! We know how we met, and how long ago, we know we’re each other’s best friend, we know I am NOT going to make him breakfast every Sunday, etc, so it seemed silly (to us) to include extraneous fluff like that. I’m boring and value tradition over novelty.

Post # 10
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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mle812:  Our wedding is not until 9/18/15 Fiance and i are writting our own vows 

I don’t like the generic wedding vows i feel like they are inpersonal.

I got theses Vows books of etsy very affordable cant wait to use them!

Post # 11
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

We wrote our own, but together. They are based off the traditional, just a modern twist to reflect our modern relationship. 

Post # 12
Member
475 posts
Helper bee

We are both young but pretty traditional so we did not. I am a good writer but I was afraid I’d be too emotional to read our own personal vows in front of all of those people so we just wrote notes to each other and read them while we were getting ready. 

Post # 13
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We wrote our own. It was important to me and my husband was unsure at first but ended up being very happy we did. I also felt uncomfortable about spilling my heart in front of everyone but I didn’t get all mushy gushy and didn’t write anything I was uncomfortable saying. Plus, on the day, I was just excited to exchange vows with my SO and it didn’t matter. Apparently we still made guests cry good tears even though that’s wasn’t the goal. I wrote mine first and gave my SO the option of knowing how I formatted mine (couple points about him, x number of promises, concluded with the ring exchange built in to our vows) so he had some direction but he ended up wanting to wing it. We talked about not wanting to take too long and they ended up fairly similar in length. 

I can’t find the article I was looking for but the writer talked about wanting to make vows that would really take effort on their part but would be important to their relationship. This is from apracticalwedding.com (a great resource for vow inspiration, along with offbeatbride if you are going to write your own) which basically says the same thing:

“And the biggy: Is there something that you can work on to build an even better, healthier relationship? I promised Michael that I would participate in our relationship no matter how hard it might seem, because my general tendency is to shut down during conflict, and I wanted to promise in front of our community to work on that.”

That’s what I went with for ours. I didn’t promise to be faithful. I’m marrying him – I feel that should be a given. I did, however, acknowledge we are both very stubborn and that it will help us get through hard times but I promised to give in when it wasn’t helpful. I made all my promises based on things I want to do in our marriage to make it work. They are things I either need to continue working at or things I need to make sure I don’t take for granted or let lapse (like making him feel appreciated). We did inject some humor as well and they were a big hit, but most importantly I have pulled them out and read through them multiple times since we got married because I want to remind myself what I promised and make sure I follow through. 

PS. For anyone who is afraid they will be a big, blubbering mess tryign to read their vows – take it from me it doesn’t have to be that way. I am that person – I cry at tv commercials when they’re even remotely sentimental. It’s super embarassing. I figured I was going to bawl my way through our entire wedding day and I barely shed a tear (win!). Read your vows out loud for practice and until you can do it without breaking down. I also practiced on my Mom and a couple bridesmaids which helped because they all lost it but with just a few run throughs I was able to keep it together and it made a big difference. 

Some people who don’t want to write their own from scratch choose lines from a book their officiant has to build something specific to them. Also an option. They’ll mean a lot to you whether you stay traditional or write your own. Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Oh geez, sorry about the essay!

Post # 15
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We wrote our own vows. We made a list of the points we wanted to include, taking most of the points in the traditional vows, plus a few more things, like promising to protect each other and to put our family first. Then we each took the list and put it into a couple of paragraphs in our own words. That way we were promising the same things to each other, but it sounded more ‘us’ and sounded different so it wasn’t repeating the same thing twice. We are not traditional or religious so I didn’t want to repeat someone else’s words, but I also didn’t want our vows to be too outlandish.

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