Did you write your own vows?

posted 1 year ago in Ceremony
Post # 16
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

My husband and I aren’t the type to be super sappy and mushy in front of others, but we also wanted to do some vows to make our ceremony more personal. So we each wrote our own, with the only agreement being that we’d keep them pretty light-hearted. But we kept the actual vows a secret until the ceremony.

One of my favorite things about my entire wedding day was when we each shared our vows, because we both ended up including many of the same inside jokes and pop culture references in our vows, and they went perfectly together! Our guests all thought we’d planned it that way, but it was a total surprise to both of us and we both laughed so hard when we realized how perfectly they complimented each other… Just like my hubby and I do ^_^

(As you can probably guess, that is a vote in favor of writing your own vows 😛 )

Post # 17
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

We started with a very old edition of the English Book of Common Prayer (we wanted “With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow”), and then edited the Christianity and the sexism out of the text, doing our best to preserve the rhythm and tone.

We added “Behold, thou art married to we according to the laws of Israel and the faith of Moses” because we are Jewish and felt his mother would be a lot more comfortable if that basic element was there. Short, but traditional and lovely, and we liked it a lot.

No way in the world would I try writing my feelings about marrying DH for public consumption, and he feels the same, only more so. The Book of Common Prayer (edited) gave us the vows and the sense of reverence without (as edited) violating our beliefs. 

Post # 18
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

We followed the registrar’s vows. British weddings are a little different because you have to have certain specific wording in the vows as part of the legal aspect. You can write additional vows if you like, but it’s quite uncommon, I’ve never actually been to a wedding where the couple deviated from the standard wording.

My husband and I are both incredibly unromantic anyway, so I think we’d both have been mortified to have to write our vows.

Post # 19
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

We wanted too but had a catholic ceremony so that wasn’t really an option. We were both super sneaky though: we wrote our own vows and read them to each other in our speeches as a surprise. My hubby totally one-upped me by memorizing his though, I had to read mine off my phone LOL

Post # 20
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

We wrote our own and it was SO wonderful. It was so amazing to hear the beautiful things my husband thought of to promise.

Post # 21
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I am a private person and I’ve been to too many weddings where I was cringing/had super bad secondhand embarrassment about the vows (probably didn’t need to know about the time my husband’s friend did too many shots and her future husband had to clean the puke off of her).

I also really wanted to say the standard words because I feel like they’re so powerful culturally, and it felt like an important connection to my family members and everyone else who has gone before me and said those words.

We did write each other letters with our own “vows,” but we kept them private.

Post # 22
4806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We wrote a short set of vows together and took turns reading them (i.e., he would read one line; I would read the next). They followed a structure of paired sentences starting with “I promise” or “I will” – both sentences in each pair were related, but not identical.

We liked it because it allowed us to personalize them without being overly emotional or mushy, and working on the vows was a nice way to spend some time together defining what marriage meant to us.


Post # 23
9303 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

We wrote them together and had the officiant do a “repeat after me”. They were fairly traditional with a few personalized tweaks. They were identical except for one line in the middle which was the most personal part. 

eta: this made me go back and look at ours (thanks Google drive!) and they made me tear up again lol. 

Post # 24
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

We wrote our own, and like a previous poster did, we also had our officiant to the “repeat after me” thing. I highly recommend writing your own vows because it really does feel special. 

Post # 25
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

View original reply
ericaleesi :  We went with the very traditional vows. If they’re good enough for royalty they’re good enough for us! Haha no really, in all seriousness, our wedding was very traditional and I didn’t want either of us to be disappointed or even more nervous. 

In the end, I ended up losing my voice that week and still hadn’t recovered it by our wedding day so the only people who could hear us were my husband, our officiant and those nearest to us. 

As an alternative to vows, my husband and I wrote letters to each other the night before our wedding and had them delivered to one another the morning of the wedding. That was truly special and a lovely keepsake – we reread them together on our first anniversary! 

I would eventually like to say personal vows to each other and think we will do so at a “vow renewal” perhaps for our 10th anniversary. Since we never really wrote vows in the first place, I think saying vows to each other after having really learned what marriage and family means will be very special. 

Post # 26
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We kind of did a mixture of both? We wrote what we were going to repeat after the officiant if that makes sense? We didn’t want to do the “speech” style because we were worried that we would be nervous about it and it would take us out of the moment a bit, but we still wanted it to be personal. We did write out meaningful letters to each other that we exchanged privately before the ceremony and I have loved being able to go back and read what he wrote. It is all about what you’re comfortable with 🙂 

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