(Closed) Did you write your own vows or use the vows by your offciant?

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: What did you do for your vows
    We wrote our own vows : (23 votes)
    49 %
    We used the vows that were supplied to us by the person marrying us : (14 votes)
    30 %
    you should write your own vows : (6 votes)
    13 %
    you should just use the ones the rabbi uses : (4 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Whatever you decide, you should do the same. i think it would be awkward if it was obvious one was written and one was traditional. What about writing a common set of vows together?

    Post # 4
    Member
    2441 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We used the traditional vows, but we tweaked them a tiny bit.  Actually we just took out the word obey.  

    Maybe you and Fiance can use what the rabbi normally uses as a template then add/delete what you want.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Marriage is such a personal thing yet wedding ceremonies are so impersonal.  You should def encourage your fiance to write his.  It will make a great memory for each of you and its nice to hear each other speak from the heart.

    Post # 6
    Member
    371 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We received a sample of a ceremony service and vows from a relative who is a reverend, but in the end we ended up writing our own vows and keeping just one small part of the suggested ceremony service. We didn’t begin writing ours until two days before the wedding and they were perfect.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3521 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    We used the standard vows that are handed to you at the courthouse, and they were STILL meaningful, emotional, beautiful. There was not a dry eye in the room (well, other than the officiant). I don’t think you HAVE to write your own by any means! But whatever you do, you should keep it consistent.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4038 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We did both…we recited the vows our pastor had given us, and then later on in the ceremony we read personal vows to each other. I was incredibly nervous about doing it, but Darling Husband really wanted to, and I’m glad we did. 

    If it makes you more comfortable, maybe, as babylou and 2ndtime suggested, you and your Fiance can sit down and write a common set of vows together, or tweak the existing vows to personalize them to you and him.  

    Post # 9
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I didn’t write my ceremony, but I mixed already written ones from the Knot and other sites to make mine more unique.

    Post # 10
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Our paster provided us with a book full of different vows — from traditional to totally different ones — we got to choose our own, and they were SO meaningful.  Maybe if you’re stuck on those two options you guys can consider using different vows that what the rabbi usually uses, but something that is already pre-written so there is less pressure. 

    Here’s what we decided on: 

    I, _________ , TAKE THEE, _________
    TO BE MY WIFE/HUSBAND AND PARTNER FROM THIS TIME FORWARD;
    TO LOVE YOU,
    TO BE A COMFORT AND SAFE HAVEN IN YOUR LIFE,
    TO HOLD YOU CLOSE AND LISTEN DEEPLY WHEN YOU SPEAK,
    TO NOURISH YOU WITH MY GENTLENESS,
    TO UPHOLD YOU WITH MY STRENGTH,
    TO WEIGH THE EFFECTS OF THE WORDS I SPEAK AND THE THINGS I DO,
    TO NEVER TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED,
    AND TO ALWAYS GIVE THANKS FOR YOUR PRESENCE IN MY LIFE.

    Post # 11
    Member
    994 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Ours gave us choices for ones she uses a lot, and we can tweak them. There’s like three versions that she uses. I’m too stressed to do much more than that 🙂

    Post # 12
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @blu77: That’s exactly what we’re doing.

    Fiance is not the type to write out his feelings on a piece of paper and read them in front of 200 people, so we just decided to use one of the samples that our officiant provided us with. But I kinda like things traditional anyways so it’s fine by me!

    It’s a personal choice, but whatever you end up doing, you should both do the same (either both write them or not).

    Post # 13
    Member
    5654 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We used the ones that our Pastor uses b/c we really liked them! There were totally and completely scriptural but in plain language and to us there couldn’t be anything better than that! =)

    Post # 14
    Member
    3621 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My Fiance is so good with words, and he would write something very very beautiful and meaningful. I, on the other hand, write like a 5 year old who’s had too much pop.

    I really wanted to write our own vows, but I just don’t think I’m comfortable enough with:

    a) my writing style, and

    b) my ability to share something so personal with a ton of people.

    Which is why I was thinking of doing something from my commissioner (she has about 5 different ceremony styles to choose from) and then writing my Fiance a very personal and loving letter that he can read when he’s getting ready.

    Since I haven’t gotten married yet, I didn’t vote. Right now I say go with whatever they have, but at the same time every couple is different, and I, myself, may change my mind after it’s all said and done.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Our pastor gave us ten different wedding vows and six different ring vows and told us to choose the ones we liked best or to combine them as we liked to make our own – and that worked really well. We got to say what we wanted to say without having to write it ourselves and still got to do the repeat after me!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1361 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We wrote our own, and I don’t regret it for a second.  DH’s was actually twice as long as mine, which I found so funny.  I think the vows are one thing about your wedding you should really try to personalize if at all possible.  Lots of people complimented us on our wedding ceremony because I wrote it all by hand to personalize to us (I took bits and pieces out of ceremony books and meshed them together).

    I highly suggest it.

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