(Closed) Did your current relationship start as an affair?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did your relationship start as an affair?
    Yes, on his part. : (31 votes)
    5 %
    Yes, on my part. : (70 votes)
    11 %
    Yes, we were both in a relationship. : (23 votes)
    4 %
    No. : (498 votes)
    77 %
    Not my current relationship, but a past one started as an affair. : (25 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee

    The guy I am with was married. for 15 years. 4 kids. But he had a girlfriend for 4 years Before we met.

    Evidently he slept in the spare room. They were “roommates” for the last 5 years. They hate each other to this day.

     

     

    When I met him he was living with his parents waiting to move into his new house. They had already sold their house. She had a new place. But papers didn’t get served until Augast. I met him the end of Feb. we were friends for 2 months first.

     

     

     

    so I guess that’s a no?

     

     

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I was married when I started hanging out with my current SO. I told him the truth a few weeks into our “fling”. By that point ex-husband had dumped because I told him about the affair. SO and I are happier than we ever have been and my divorce was finalized a year after we began to officially date. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    FI and I were “friends with benefits” in high school for awhile, then dated other people and returned to friends with benefits while we were dating them. The SOs knew about it too and I was hoping they’d break up with us but didn’t. So we eventually broke up with both of them (still in high school) and have been happily together every since! It’s kind of childish, but it happened and while I regret how it started I am so glad we are together now!

    Post # 6
    Member
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee

    I suppose that my relationship began as an emotional affair. When I initially befriended DBF, he was in a relationship with someone else – a girl who he barely saw, whether they were in school or not. It was a fairly unhealthy high school relationship with virtually no communication, and DBF confided in me during that time, which was painful for him. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    178 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I met my SO when he had just separated from his wife, but she was still sleeping at the house occasionally (NOT with him, she had had surgery and wanted to be at the house with their dogs so he was like, whatever). We were “just friends” for 3 weeks. During that time she was in and out of the house…then one night he kissed me, told her he wanted a divorce the next day annnnd the rest is history 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    yes, on my end. I was in a 4.5 year relationship with a guy I met in college. During my first year post college and his second year post college, we began growing apart and wanting different goals and things out of life BUT I was set on settling with him even though I wasn’t truly happy. I met my now FI and began an emotional and physical relationship with him for the last few months of that relationship. Ex had no idea and didn’t think anything was strange when we began spending less time together- we had no communication going on. My now FI was aware of everything. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1329 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    No way. I feel like you can count on your current relstionship ending the same way it started if it began dishonestly!

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    648 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Umm, no:/ It’s not a great foundation for a relationship, IMO.

    Post # 12
    Member
    648 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @solidarity:  +1000! If they’ll do it with you they’ll do it to you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @secretlyabee:  

     

    I respectfully disagree.

    My FI was married basically on paper when I met him His ex wife had moved out 2 years before. She had been dragging her feet with the divorce and continued to do so while we were together for a year.  I personally listened to all of the voicemails where she said she was going to file for the 1st year after she had moved out.

    My FI owns his own business and she was convinced she could make him liquididate and end up with a bunch of money. She had A LOT of tax problems from the 2 years that they were separated…ie she had not filed taxes. She was hoping to collect enough in a divorce settlement to pay those taxes off.

    The judge and state law did not see it that way. My FI could prove when she moved out and he had filed his own taxes. This whole mess drug out for 1 1/2 years.

    I do not think that we were wrong in starting a relationship before he was divorced. Should we have both thrown away the bond and love we have because she suffered from a personality disorder and bipolar disorder?

     

     
     

    Post # 14
    Member
    7200 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    In my state you have to be separated for a year before you can even file for divorce.  I met my DH 9 months after my ex-husband walked out on me.  So I was not technically divorced when i began dating.  But I don’t think my situation is the type you are asking about.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @BabyCarat: Umm, no:/ It’s not a great foundation for a relationship, IMO.

     

    I read your prvious posts and apparently you have been waiting for 6 years for your boyfriend to propose. I guess that would not be a good foundation for marriage in my opinion either. Either he knows or he does not!!! 

    Post # 16
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @solidarity:  No way. I feel like you can count on your current relstionship ending the same way it started if it began dishonestly!

    What personal experience or facts are you basing this statement on ?

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