(Closed) Did your current relationship start as an affair?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did your relationship start as an affair?
    Yes, on his part. : (31 votes)
    5 %
    Yes, on my part. : (70 votes)
    11 %
    Yes, we were both in a relationship. : (23 votes)
    4 %
    No. : (499 votes)
    77 %
    Not my current relationship, but a past one started as an affair. : (25 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 77
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @jellybeangreen246:  I bet you are. 

     

    So he was too terrified of his abusive wife to leave…but not too terrified to stick his dick in someone else?  Is that the story you’re actually buying into?

     

    The abused women I’ve known were too controlled and too terrified of their abusers to be able to or want to have an affair. 

     

    Post # 78
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @FauxBoho:  This.  Even if the marriage has broken down but not ended, you’re still shitty people. 

    Post # 79
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @Zhabeego:  Good luck with your close minded one sided life!  I am done arguing.  I am happy in my marriage as is my husband.  The past is the past. 

    Post # 80
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @jellybeangreen246:  His relationship/marriage with his ex-wife was comparable to a woman’s relationship with a physical abuser.  Sometimes, people need others to bolster their decision to leave.  Ever hear of Stockholm Syndrome?  I don’t expect you to understand because you are of the 99% who will never “get it”.  I’m used to it.   

     

    I think what she’s getting at is that there is no way for you to know if this is really true.  It’s quite possible that he told you this because it makes it easier for himself, and so that he won’t look like the bad guy. I am not saying that this is the case, but you need to recognise that the possibility is there.
     
    After all, he dated his ex-wife long-term (presumably), proposed to her, married her, had a regular sex life with her and made her pregnant, took her to the hospital and held her hand whilst she gave birth to their child, and raised their child with her for a number of years (I assume, as the child is clearly not a toddler from your description). A man is unlikely to do all of those things with a woman who is making his life living helll. Her side of the story might be completely different.

    Post # 81
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    @MaryKay14:  His ex-wife’s entire family disowned her; that just doesn’t happen if you are a good person…I’ve heard the crazy phone calls myself…there was no lying on his part, but plenty on hers.  Oh, the stories (TRUE stories) I could tell about her, but I’m not one to air someone else’s dirty laundry all over the internet.   

     

    Post # 82
    Member
    2598 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @jellybeangreen246:  I guess you’d better hope it stays happy since you know what happens when your husband decides he’s unhappy. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Zhabeego:  Are you the ex-wife or something? Do you have some vested interest in her story? If not, stop being such a bitch to her. Someone asked a question, and Obx1008 told her story. It’s not your job to then try and tear her down for it. Also, you are clearly not perfectly moral yourself, so I suggest you tend to your own garden.

    Post # 84
    Member
    375 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    All of my relationships have started off as emotional affairs. Every guy I’ve dated I’ve broken up their relationship. There was only physical cheating once, however. Does that make it any better? No. But I’ve got a wonderful man now and just hope that karma isn’t a bitch to me, haha 😉

    Post # 85
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @Zhabeego: I’m sorry, what exactly is your point in all this bashing? It clearly isn’t to help @jellybeangreen246: with anything so why do you keep attacking her? You are entirely too judgmental and your holier-than-thou attitude is appalling. Please stop actively trying to make people feel bad about their life/relationship/future/whatever. 

    To answer the original question, I was coming out of a bad relationship when I reconnected with FH. We had in fact dated as teenagers but long distance wasn’t very nice to us (especially with no income to allow us to travel) so even though we were in LDR in our 20s, we could at least travel to see each other. 

     

    Post # 86
    Member
    1406 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    i was married and we had a EA but i dont regret a thing. Karma is whatever. 

    Post # 87
    Member
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @jellybeangreen246:  I agree with this.

     

    But often times the men don’t leave and the mistress ends up hurt. 

    Post # 88
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    No – my first marriage ended due to infidelity though.

    Post # 89
    Member
    2491 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @Birdee106:  it’s scary how much you and I have in common. Wink

     @jellybeangreen246:  Great comments. Sometimes you meet the right person at the “wrong” or at least incovenient time. You do the best you can and hope that the other person will do their part. It’s tough emotionally. 

    My husband and I first met and became involved together while we were both still married to other people. We were both separated/estranged from our respective spouses and either living apart or in the process of moving out, but still legally married. We’ve been together for almost 7 years now and if we had followed his plan, he would only be filing for divorce now. Instead, when we started getting serious about our future, I gave him a wake-up call that nudged him into action. His family has thanked me repeatedly for giving him that little push to legally end his meaningless marriage and focus on being happy. I’m very lucky that he thought enough of me and us to take that first big, scary step. 

    Post # 90
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @solidarity:  If someone found it acceptable to do something like this once, he or she will likely have no problem doing it again. 

    This is where I disagree with generalizations.

    Every situation is different.

    My Fiance had been separated for close to 2 1/2 years when I met him. And for another year after we were together.  Yes he was still technically married so that would constitute an affair

    Do I think my Fiance will start seeing someone else while he is married to me? Quite simply no because I am nothing like his ex wife. I would never cheat and I would never, drag divorce  out for 2 years after separatng.

    I do not doubt his integrity one bit.


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