Post # 1
Here’s my situation… Mum and Dad divorced a few years ago. Dad now remarried. In the last few years the close bond between Dad and I has broken.
I grew up being a typical “daddy’s girl” and I loved and adored him. He was perfect in my eyes even when he let me down or hurt my feelings. However, now I’m all grown up and I analyse and think critically about all his mistakes, he’s constantly letting me down, breaking promises, abandonment etc.
Since I got engaged, two months ago, he hasn’t asked me a single question about the wedding. He doesn’t seem to care and it really hurts my feelings.
So, with all this in mind and considering I’m not “property” changing ownership from my Dad to FH. Is it ok if I walk alone? In my mind I imagine walking alone and feeling happy and confident about this. I don’t know what my Dad’s preference is but I suspect he will be offended if I refuse him walking me down the aisle.
Any other bees out there in a similar situation? What did you do? Was it awkward that your dad was there but didn’t walk you down the aisle?
Post # 2
If you want to walk alone then you are free to do so. He may be offended though, is that worth it? Also, if he is conteibuting to the wedding this might be something he expects.
My father and I aren’t as close as we could be. We had some very rocky years after I left for college and we have both moved on with our personal lives since. He lives across the country and we see each other once a year. The first thing he asked was if he could walk me down the aisle. I am an only child and he has looked forward to doing that since I was born. It did not feel right to say no. Hope that gives another perspective. It is a sad day when we realize our parents are not perfect. They are only human and make terrible mistakes same as us. Best you can do is remember the good times and try to forgive.
Btw- he hasn’t asked about wedding plans either. It might just be a guy thing. Or he simply wants to be surprised with what we come up with
Post # 3
My father is/was an abusive drunk. My 13 year old son (well I guess he’ll be 14 by then) will be walking me down the aisle. Both of my sisters caved and let my dad do it to avoid him throwing a fit, but I’m not going that route. Do whatever makes you happy/comfortable.
Post # 4
My dad is walking me down the aisle but he has never let me down. Im uncomfortable with the idea of me being property to be passed on but I can suck it up for his sake. Would you like your mum to do it if you’re closer to her? Who cares if his nose is out of joint he should have thought about that when he decided to act like a tool.
Post # 5
I was in a unique situation because I have a dad and a step dad, both who I am quite close with in my adult age. My dad and I weren’t close until I was 15 and I didn’t meet my stepdad until I was 10.
I looked at walking down the aisle with them as less of of property transfer thing and more of an honouring their position in my life thing.
Both dads, while I am quite close to them now, never asked much about the planning unless I brought it up. I think that’s a male thing?
As a pp suggested, there comes a day when we realize that our parents are only human too. If you want to walk alone, that’s a totally acceptable choice. But if you want him to walk you down the aisle, dont let the past taint that.
Post # 6
I feel exactly the same way. I don’t love being “passed off” to my SO by my dad and what that symbolizes but I know to him, it doesn’t mean that. It would hurt his feelings if I walked alone- not worth it to fight this battle!
OP, I think it’s fine to walk alone if that’s what you truly want, but I might give it a bit more consideration. I don’t know your relationship, though.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies, I appreciate the advice and comments. The wedding is in July next year so I still have plenty of time to think about it. Ultimately though I really want to walk alone. I suppose I’ll talk to Dad closer to the time and guage his opinion.
Post # 8
What about having both your parents walk you? Thats what I would have done ideally. Then youre not leaving him out but youre also not giving him the honour of walking you down the aisle by himself which it sounds like he doesnt deserve. Then its the two people that raised you passing you imto the next stage of life. Nicely symbolic and easily explained.
Post # 9
My dad and I are not close. We never talk. He doesn’t seem to care about my life. And since the wedding we have been at odds. But I still had him walk me down the aisle just so I had no regrets later in life.
Post # 10
Thanks for all the advice. Lots of people are suggesting walking with my mum or both parents, but they were both pretty crappy and didn’t do much in the way of support me emotionally or financially growing up.
Plus my dad is not paying for anything at the wedding so I feel like I don’t owe him anything either.
I think my mind and heart is set on walking alone. I just can’t predict what the fall out from my family will be or if people will judge me on the day.
Post # 11
walk alone girl! you earned it! no one will judge you, it’s your wedding day they’ll be too happy watching you walk down the aisle! your family will get over the fallout.
Post # 12
My grandpa is walking me down the isle.