Post # 1
Hi Bees! Warning, this is a little long (sorry!)
My Fiance and I are getting married on Oahu in July this year. We live here, and because we have family and friends coming from all over the world, we’re hosting a week of optional activities that we’re paying for to help our guests make the most of their expensive trip to Hawaii (it’s a long way to fly, after all):
- Tuesday: We’re hosting our parents for a welcome dinner
- Wednesday: A day I’ll spend with my bridemaids on a secret adventure (I’m taking them swimming in an area where wild dolphins like to play and then hosting a flower crown and lei making workshop with champagne and snacks) and my Fiance is going to do a waterfall hike I think or something similarly cool/adventure-y with his groomsmen.
- Thursday morning: We’re taking all of our interested guests on one of two hikes: I’m leading a scenic hike and Fiance is leading an adventure hike for our guests who are interested in something more strenuous.
- Thursday night: A welcome cocktail (those of whom are interested; all invited)
- Friday morning: The option to go surfing (we’re paying for beginner surfing lessons for those who really want to surf but have never tried)
- Friday afternoon: Rehearsal Dinner
- Saturday: Wedding!
- Sunday: We’re hosting (an optional) morning-after brunch.
As you can see it’s going to be jam-packed and very fun; my Fiance and I are definitely going to be in full ‘host’ mode.
When people have asked about a honeymoon, we tell them that because everybody is flying out to see us, we’d rather use the time off to spend time with them in the lead-up to the wedding. We don’t have great vacation days, and this wedding is going to drain our savings and PTO, especially because of the activities we’re hosting the week before. If we have a honeymoon immediately following the wedding, it will likely be a short staycation. If we were to delay, we could do something more special, but maybe next year or the year after.
So here is my question. If we were to delay our honeymoon for a year, would it still feel like a honeymoon? If you did this I would love your insight. I have only taken one trip alone with my Fiance in the ~5 years we’ve been dating, so I know that a trip will still feel so special regardless of whether it’s a hoenymoon or not, but there is a veneer of childhood expectation around the word “Honeymoon” that I’m struggling with.
Also, would you take off the monday-tuesday maybe for ‘recovery days’ before going back to work? I can’t imagine trading my wedding for my office cubicle without taking a second in between to adjust back down to the real world. I don’t want to go from 100% family and friends to 100% office-life without having the chance to just enjoy being newly married. Would it feel weird to take time off immediately after the wedding, but not have that be our honeymoon?
Thanks for your input and your help, as always!
Post # 2
Question- CAN I COME TO YOUR WEDDING? This sounds amazing!! We gift really well….. 😏
Post # 3
Hahaha, perfect!! Let me just PM you our registry ;D…
We do really hope our guests are going to have a great time. It’s a huge thing to ask to have our guests come all the way to Hawaii and we were shocked (and very touched) when 100 people RSVPed yes! We’re going to do the best we can to give them a vacation out of our weding.
Post # 4
We delayed ours for three months and it definitely still felt like a honeymoon. In part because it was the first time we took a truly epic overseas trip together and really spoiled ourselves! We’ve just passed our one year anniversary though and I’m not sure at this point in the game a trip like that would have felt quite so honeymoon-ish…I think at 3 months we still felt like newlyweds but we really don’t anymore. So I’m not sure…but even if it doesnt “feel” like a honeymoon it will still be an amazing trip! You gotta do what makes sense for you.
Post # 5
Congratulations on your wedding and thakn you! This is really helpful. If we delayed for, let’s say three-four months, that could put us at the Thanksgiving long weekend so we wouldn’t have to use so much PTO, too… The ‘honeymoon-ish’ feeling is what I so desperately don’t want to lose!
Post # 6
I know you aren’t asking for opinions on the pre-wedding events you are hosting, but I just thought I would chime in. While everything you have planned sounds very nice and interesting, I might personally be a bit miffed as a guest if we had all these structured activities (even if they are optional, because some people would feel like they aren’t really an option and they should attend).
As you said, for many people this is a long (and possibly expensive) flight so they may be building a vacation around your wedding. While the main point of them coming in the first place is obviously your wedding, they may have other interests on how to spend their additional days.
Also, if you were not hosting several days of expensive activities you might be able to have the time and funds to take your own honeymoon.
Again, what you are doing is super nice and generous for your guests, but it might be misplaced time and money if they would rather not be tied to this agenda.
Post # 7
All comments are appreciated Sable, and that’s a very good point! The good news is that the people who -have- chosen to come are all close friends and family who would 1000% tell us no, and we certainly had many people decline certain activities; ex: 70 people would like to come to the brunch, but only 40 people signed up for a surfing lesson. We made it very clear that these activities are totally optional and I do
think that they heard us, but I can totally appreciate where you’re coming from. (I certainly do wish that we had that money available for our honeymoon, but having friends reach out and tell me how excited they are about the surfing lesson, etc, takes the sting away.)
Post # 8
We took a short honeymoon (we called it our minimoon!) about a month and a half after our wedding. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and we wanted to take time for just the two of us, so we took advantage of a long weekend when her dad would have her. Even though it wasn’t immediately after the wedding, hubby did several sweet things to make it feel romantic and honeymoon-esque. For example, he had a dozen roses waiting for me at our suite at the B&B when we got there.
I’m not sure if I would have still felt that it was a honeymoon if it were 1-2 years down the line. If you can, I’d see what you can do to take a short weekend getaway somewhere, maybe leave work early on a Friday and take Monday off, if you really want that honeymoon, newlywed feeling.
Post # 9
i didnt get a honeymoon until 2 yeasr after we got married (in the court) we had other vacations but we were with our families.
it def felt like a honeymoon, just me and him, mind you two years later it still felt new
Post # 10
Your husband sounds so sweet, and I love the word ‘minimoon’! I’ve never heard that before.
I’ll bring up that idea to Fiance to see what he thinks about maybe labelling a little break and treating it as a minimoon, or doing what PP said and going on a honeymoon in 3-4 months. These are all great suggestions, thank you!
Post # 11
Totally hear you on the family vacations. They’re wonderful, but there’s definitely a difference eh?
I’m happy to hear that your honeymoon still felt like a honeymoon! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Post # 12
You sound very generous to be hosting so much and i’m sure people will enjoy. I probably would not come to much except maybe the eating ones haha as i’m one of those who hates any structured activities in holidays but as long as your guests don’t feel obligated i’m sure it’s fine.
As for the honeymoon, I think it’s natural for the ‘newness’ of being married to wear off within the first year but holidays are always special and fun anyway. It just might not be the same as an immediate one but obviously due to the wedding and events you have chosen that will be impossible. Can you guys take 2 nights and stay in a local place that is a bit special somewhere within the first few months just as something different?
Post # 13
I agree with you – a trip will be special no matter when we take it, but for that ‘honeymoon feeling’, you’re right, a local ‘minimoon’ really might be what we should do.
Post # 14
Could your Monday-Tuesday be like a little romantic staycation? Maybe a couples massage, a night at a fancy hotel in your hometown, something like that? I imagine you’ll be exhausted after the wedding but it could be a nice relaxing romantic couple of days. Watching a movie in a fancy hotel room could still feel romantic and luxurious. Certinaly more so than like, going home and taking out the trash or something.
I’d also like to come to your wedding; it sounds amazing–room for one more??! You can go ahead and sign me up for all the activities.
Post # 15
Haha that is -exactly- what I was wondering. On Monday would it just be like “okay well I’ll take the dog for a walk and let’s vacuum because we haven’t all week..?” lol.
I’m wondering if we can’t find an airbnb in an area of Oahu that we haven’t really explored (we live on the windward side and rarely head to the leeward side of the island, for example). Or breakfast in bed and plush hotel robes could also be a fun and sweet way to wind down for a few days!