Post # 1
My SO and I live across the country from my fam, so though we’ve been together for a long time he’s only meant my family a few times so far. He is pretty introverted, but I think he tries.
My family says they still don’t know him and that he doesn’t try to ask questions and get to know them. They feel that he’s cold. I am worried that he just doesn’t fit my family dynamics which is important to me because I am very close to my family.
I’m curious to know if it took some of your SO’s a long time to have a bond with your family?
Post # 3
To be honest, I did not ask them, but they were polite to him from the start. They do love him now.
Use your best judgement interpreting their comments. Is what they say more of an accurate reflection on him, them, or the situation? (e.g., extroverts sometimes describe introverts that way, because they don’t understand their more reserved nature, but it’s usually the opposite of the truth.)
Post # 4
Yes they did. He and my mum are best friends 🙂
Could it be that he’s uncomfortable around them? fI is perfectly himself around my mum and sisters, because they spend a lot of time together, but he’s a little more reserved around my dad and my nan. He gets along well with them, but he hasn’t spent as much time with them as with mum and my sisters so he is a little more quiet. Maybe your Fiance will warm up to them in time? Fiance and I both need to spend a fair bit of time with someone before we ‘open up’ and relax, so if he hasn’t spent much time with your family maybe that’s what’s happening.
Post # 5
My parents loved my fiance right from the outset! Before we even started dating!
They weren’t so keen on my brother’s (now) wife when they first met her. She’s quite introverted and wasn’t sure how to take my family (think the Focker family from Meet the Fockers), so they assumed she didn’t like them/didn’t want to get to know them, and it has really impacted on their relationship with her. Because they thought she didn’t like them, they took more time getting to know her, and she assumed they didn’t like her because she didn’t fit in, so they’re only now starting to communicate more.
If this is really a concern for you, I think let your family know that your fiance is introverted; he still likes them, he’s just shy. Then encourage your fiance to open up more around them, or try getting them involved in activities/conversations that he is comfortable in and may be more willing to open up with.
Post # 6
It can be really hard for an introverted person to try and become part of an extroverted family. I think both sides need to be more tolerant and understanding in this kind of situation. Your SO may need to be more outgoing, but your family may need to be more encompassing when it comes to welcoming him into the clan.
My family liked my Fiance from the start. They’ve only really ever liked and approved of one other boyfriend (a 5-year relationship in my early 20s) so I figured this was a good sign. My mother’s opinion holds a lot of sway with me, so I was pretty relieved when she approved. I did have one slight argument with my Fiance when he first met my parents (we visited and stayed with them in Australia) because I felt like he wasn’t making enough of an effort to impress them. Turns out he just felt so at home with my family that he didn’t feel the need to put on a song and dance. Still, after that talk he cooked an amazing gourmet dinner for the family, and bought some beautiful flowers for my mum.
Post # 7
My brother did not like my Fiance at ALL at the beginning. The first year we were dating, my brother gave me a card for my birthday that said, “I wanted to get you a new boyfriend for your birthday, but I got you this card instead.” And he was not joking. But he really likes him now! My brother is even going to be one of FI’s groomsmen, which is a big deal for him. It just took my brother a little bit to realize he had to actually talk to my Fiance to get to know him, instead of just hearing second hand stories that weren’t true. :]
Post # 8
My dad never liked anyone I brought home, he always found a flaw(s). Literally EVERYONE (sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) in my family has loved my Fiance from the beginning… including my dad. Him meeting my family and hitting it off so well was when I really knew he was the one! I knew I couldn’t find anyone better then him! My dad says if he had a son, he would want him to be just like him! I am a very lucky lady!! 🙂
Post # 9
Loved him. One time i guess i was being rather short with Fiance at the start (i think i was PMSing) and my mom told me i better smarten up and treat him right!
I swear they like him more than me somethings lol.
Post # 10
Haha! NO! Not at all!!
my Fiance and I were best friends for a while before we started dating, so he had been hanging around with my family for a while before we got together, and my mom did not like him at all! She thought he was a pretentious ass, and wasn’t affraid to tell him that to his face! Lol.
Him and my brother were friends tho.
Eventually my mom just realized that was part of his charm and that he really is the least pretentious person around, just sometimes it comes off that way if you don’t know him. Now he’s such a member of my family and my family loves him so much, my mom says she gets him in the break up (it’s a joke).
Post # 11
My sister told me when she first met my Fiance – and I had only been dating him less than a year – “he’s a good man and you’d better not mess this up!” – LOL
Post # 12
- Wedding: July 2017 - Bristol zoo
I think the first thing mum said about BF when she met him was “he’s very confident isn’t he”. Lol. Just like it might be hard for an introvert to blend with an extrovert family, introvert familes can be scared by extroverts! XD They like him though because he makes me happy 🙂
My cousin’s husband was initially snubbed by her family because they thought he was too quiet and boring, so I think it’s reasonably common.
Post # 13
Everyone in my family LOVES him! Even more than they love me! and it was right from the start. He is hilarous and is coming into a family full of girls so hes the golden boy of my family! My family sees that he is a good man who treats me right and would give me the world. Also they love the fact that they can all gang up on me and make fun of me now! lol We always have family night on Sundays and he comes over to watch our favorite shows.
Post # 14
As soon as they met him they loved him. I think they were surprised to like him as much as they did
Post # 15
They met before we were dating when he helped me move from a house to an apartment. After 45 minutes of packing/taking things out to the truck, my mom pulled me aside and said “That boy is in love with you, and I really think you would be good together.” Thank God she did, because he may never have gotten out of the friend zone if she didn’t make that comment.
Post # 16
Yes and no. I think they liked him as a person, but they didn’t like him for me. They thought he wasn’t challenging enough for me because I have a very big/bold personality and he seemed to be more of a wallflower. But, 1) He tends to be more quiet around people he doesn’t know so I don’t think they saw his real personality, 2) I don’t think I really helped the situation because I met DH shortly after a tragic breakup and I was being very guarded with him (i.e. not showing them really that i liked him) and 3) they have never liked a single person that either me nor my brother has ever dated. So I’m not sure that anyone would’ve really won them over.
It was kind of a point of stress for me because even through my wedding planning my parents were still a little iffy on him, I think mostly because he just isn’t who they pictured me with (not because they didn’t like him as a person). But I will say this for my parents— once the “I Do”s happen, he is family. It was the same for my brother. They didnt’ really like his wife but as soon as they were married, she is family. And not another word has been uttered against either of them and I don’t think another ever will. They do treat him like family now and it’s all good.