Post # 1
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
So, I personally think it’s outdated and really not necessary, but my mom has told me that my entire family will be very upset if SO does not ask my dad’s permission before he proposes. To give you somewhat of a background, my dad and I are not very close. I have never been a Daddy’s Girl; in fact, we have barely gotten along most of my life. He was an alcoholic and verbally abusive when I was growing up, and though he’s quit drinking an has made an effort to mend our relationship, I can still only tolerate him in small doses. I talked to SO about this (he is proposing sometime before the end of the year), and to my surprise, he told me he had already planned to ask my dad first. I would rather he not, because I know he’s going to be in for a very irritating conversation. Plus since my dad and I are not close, I don’t really care about his opinion of our relationship or feel the need to have his “permission” to get married.
Anyway, I was just wondering how many people still do this sort of thing. Did your Fiance ask your dad (or mom, or both)? Why or why not?
Post # 3
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
I asked my Fiance specifically not to ask them, because the whole thing made me pretty uncomfortable. My parents would have prefer he ask, I think, but I had asked them beforehand if they had any objections, so I felt like I had fulfilled any potential obligation there.
Post # 4
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
My Fiance did but he had already bought the ring and my dad had actually picked up the ring from the jeweler so it was more of a gesture. Not permission but support. I think that’s a good modern way to rephrase it. My Dad’s response was, “I really appreciate this but in my country, people got married and THEN told their parents.” – his country being Russia. My Fiance is Indian and HIS Dad thinks a wedding is a family affair that we barely have a say in. Talk about cultural differences 🙂
Post # 5
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
My dad is no longer with us, he passed away 10 years ago, but he did ask my mom. She thought it was the sweetest thing.
Post # 6
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Well, I voted “Yes and I wanted him to” but it wasn’t exactly…asking? It was more, “Hey I wanted to let you know.” Darling Husband told both my mom AND my dad, as they are not together. But it wasn’t exactly “asking for permission.”
ETA: I love that he did show my parents that respect. It was kind of fun for them, too, to “keep a secret” from me. My mom didn’t call me for two days so she didn’t slip up! 🙂
Post # 7
Member
577 posts
Busy bee
Yes he “asked”, and I’m glad he did. He didn’t ask for my hand him marriage, he more or less asked to join our family and promised to love me and treat me right for the rest of his life. I’m really close with my parents and I wanted him to have their blessing. To me it’s not outdated or old-fashioned, it’s respectful.
Post # 8
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
i really didn’t want him to just because i felt like it was unnecessary. everyone knew we were going to get married; we talked about it all the time. and i’ve never asked my dad for permission for anything in my whole life, so it just didn’t make sense to me. my mom was the one who needed to put her stamp of approval on the whole thing and she did that way before we were engaged, but she still wanted him to get their “permission” before asking. instead, he proposed first and we talked to them together afterwards to get their blessing.
Post # 9
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
He did and I love that he did.
Post # 10
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
Mine asked my dad for his blessing…If I had been asked in advance whether I wanted him to, I would have said I was neutral on the subject. I didn’t really expect him to ask since we’ve lived together for several years and my parents were initially unsupportive of our relationship (although now they love him). I didn’t feel that we needed my parents’ approval to take the next step in our lives together.
That being said, I do really appreciated that my Fiance did ask. Since it wasn’t “necessary”, to me it showed that he was being respectful and considerate of my parents, and I value that.
Post # 11
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
My Fiance took both of my parents out for lunch and asked them both. My family and my FI’s family are pretty traditional, so we both wanted this.
Post # 12
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
no, he didn’t ask my dad but i am an encore bride. he actually mentioned something to my adult son and showed him the ring before proposing.
Post # 13
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
Fiance didnt ask anyone, my father has been non existant in my life since i was 2yo. and my mum had been cut of my life for the prevoius 2.5years when he asked due to her being a drug addict. (she has since sobered and we are working on our relationship)
Post # 14
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
My Darling Husband didn’t ask per se, but he did tell them he was planning to before he proposed. He told my father he was planning to propose and that I’m his best friend and he can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with me. And my dad in turn gave his blessing and said many nice things about Darling Husband, and said he knew I would be taken care of.
I only know all this because my mother told me, haha. I was SUPER excited to tell them we were engaged and my mom goes, “Oh yay! Darling Husband contacted your father to let us know he was planning on it, we were just waiting to hear from you that it happened”.
It never occurred to me that he would do something like that, but I thought it was pretty classy.
Post # 15
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
No, he did not, thank god. If he thought that would fly with me, then he wouldn’t know me well enough to marry me. 😉
Post # 16
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
Yes. My Darling Husband and I did not meet until we were in our mid 40s, and my Darling Husband had previously been married for more than 20 years before he met me. However, he told me on our second date that, if he asked me to marry him, he was going to ask my dad.
I LOVED that he did this. I hadn’t even lived in the same state as my parents for more than 20 years at that point. However, I had never been married and had waited my entire life to finally meet the right guy, so I was very happy that my Darling Husband respected that tradition and asked my father for his blessing.
