(Closed) Did your FI ask your dad first?

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Did your FI ask your mom/dad/parents' permission to marry you?

    Yes, and I wanted him to.

    Yes, and I didn't want him to.

    No, and I wanted him to.

    No, and I didn't want him to.

    Other (please explain in the comments).

  • Post # 32
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I am very close with my parents and he has spent a significant amount of time with them as well, so I did want him to speak with my parents first.  However, being that we in our 30s I didn’t think we needed my parents permission.  Instead he asked for their blessing.  I think it is a nice way to show respect for the parents but not treat you as if you are a piece of property.

     

    ETA – after he asked and told me to call my parents to share the news the first words I said were “do they know?”  To which he responded “of course I talked to them first.”

    Post # 33
    Member
    3979 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    It was more of a formality for us. By no means was it required but I know it meant alot to my dad and it certainly meant alot to me. My dad has always said that he would have a greater respect for the man that is able to set aside pride to ask for his daughters hand before asking her. I knew what he was doing and when he was doing it so that wasn’t a surprise to me. We had been talking about getting married for a long time at that point. It was all about respect and I gotta say, he made my dad cry and that is a sweet sweet thing.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My Fiance didn’t and I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want anyone to know before I did. I think it’s personal preference, though. My dad would probably have liked for my Fiance to ask. I found out later that my brother in law asked him.

    I am actually kind of surprised by how many people still do this.

    Post # 35
    Member
    9830 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    he asked my dad, my dad said no at first (thinking we wanted a 1 year engagement) and my mum overheard, rushed in and said yes! after both Fiance and I explained that we wanted a super long engagement, and i wanted to be finished with uni and working in a decent job, and wanting to live together for a year first, he gave his blessing 🙂

    Post # 36
    Member
    254 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Asking has always been a running joke in my family because my mom’s first Fiance did not ask, and my dad did (because he was terrified of my grandpa). My grandpa still gripes about the first Fiance. So when Fiance decided to propose, he thought he’d ask so that there’d be no griping 30+ years later. I’m very close with both of my parents, but it was more of a respect thing than a permission thing.

    Especially because my dad said, “Uhhhhh ask her mother!” and my mom said, “It’s about time”.

    Post # 37
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Fiance asked for their blessing, not their permission. (I was there for the convorsation and it was… amazing. I cried.)

    Post # 38
    Member
    523 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I am very close to my parents and my fiance knows that, so he asked them both for their blessing (not permission, I’m the only one who gets to give that!). We always joked around that he’d offer “two cows and a goat” for me, but I am really glad he asked: but again, if I wasn’t close to my parents, I don’t think I would have been. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    He asked, but I don’t think it was really asking “permission,” more of asking for his blessing out of respect. They were on the beach while I was out kayaking with my father’s significant other) and when I got back on the beach, my dad was absolutely ecstatic. I’ve never seen him like that. I didn’t know my SO had asked, but my dad said congratulations and I quickly figured it out. My SO was so glad it wasn’t supposed to be a surprise or my dad would have ruined it!

    My dad was really pleased that my SO asked… he said it showed a lot of class. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    438 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    He asked both my parents the day he proposed while I was at work. Took them out to dinner and expressed his intentions. He wanted them to know he wasn’t messing around since we’d only been dating 9 months and living together for 2 months. They both were so happy- it was a load off his mind. I’m glad he did.

    Post # 41
    Member
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    He asked my dad and he told me they both cried. (That was confirmed by my dad…)

    I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s going to be like on our wedding day ! lol

    Post # 42
    Member
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    He did, and I was happy because I wanted him to. He asked even before he ordered a ring. Fiance often has days off mid week as a trade off for working weekends and my dad is retired so he went over one day on his day off to hang out and ask him. My dad’s reaction was so cute I cried when Fiance told me.

    He said “well she couldn’t have picked a better guy” and hugged Fiance. My dad is SO NOT emotional, and doesn’t hug men. EVER. I’ve never seen it happen. I know it doesn’t sound like much but from him it’s huge. So cute!!

    He then went out that day and placed a order for the setting and chose a loose stone to have set. 6 weeks later the ring came in, and he proposed the following day.

    My dad, like I said isn’t very emotional or at least doesn’t show it and told me he didn’t want to do a toast/speech at the wedding because of this but my mom convinced him so I know he’s going make me bawl like a baby.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1474 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

    More like asked for my parents’ blessing. It was important to my parents, and we both wanted to honor that.

    Post # 44
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Fiance drove 300 miles to meet my dad for lunch and ask him. Then he called my mom and my brother that Im closest with because they hadn’t met yet (he lives across the country).

     

    I really appreciated the gesture and my dad was very glad that he did. He still says “kids just dont do things like that anymore”

    Post # 45
    Member
    5089 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Nope – if he’d asked my dad permission, I would have had to ask him who he thought he was marrying!!

    Suffice to say, that is not a tradition either of us wanted any part of.

    Post # 46
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My Fi asked My dad for His blessing . I Loved it because he not only did he  asked my Dad he actually asked Him my Mother and Grandmother (at the same time) . I am very close to My family I wouldn’t Consider myself a :daddys girl: But when it’s all said and done it is what he knew I would want. If your fi knows you don’t want for him to ask your dad then don’t do it ! Beside You are the one Marrying him not your Mother or anyone else 🙂

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