Post # 1
I have to preface this by saying that I am fortunate to have parents (both mine and FIL) that have the means to and are happy to pay for our wedding.
That said, both families are very traditional and pretty much should have no problem splitting the expenses of the whole thing as per traditional etiquette. My family is picking up everything having to do with the wedding day/reception and my Father-In-Law have offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner and maybe part of the honeymoon (I’m really not sure about the honeymoon though, my Fiance has only dropped hints that they might).
While I’m already greatful for the rehearsal dinner, I’m a little disappointed that my Future Mother-In-Law (who has been emailing me about the dinner and various wedding talk) hasn’t asked if there is anything else that thier family can do to chip in. Traditionally there are some things on the wedding day the groom’s family pays for like some of the flowers, officiants feed, etc.
Did anyone else’s Future Mother-In-Law offer or even ask? Or did you ladies have to approach her about potentially chipping in for 1 more small thing on the wedding day besides rehearsal dinner?
My Fiance is the oldest son and cousin in the entire family so I know they have never experienced planning a wedding before, but she is typically very, very proper and I’m surprised it hasn’t come up.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. I hope I don’t sound spoiled! But i think maybe some other bees may be in similar situations.
Post # 3
While my Future In-Laws are also very traditional, they did offer to pay for the alcohol right off the bat (my Future Father-In-Law is a big wine snob). As the planning continued, I told my Future Mother-In-Law that I was planning on buying wholesale flowers to do my own centerpieces. I think that scared her (haha) so she offered to pay for the flowers! It was really generous and I’m very happy that she did that because thinking back on it now, I’m really not that good with flowers so they probably wouldn’t have looked that great. 😛
Have you asked your Fiance if he can ask his parents to chip in? Is that something he would be offended at? You could also drop hints to his mom that you want to do something but probably won’t because of the cost…
Post # 4
We knew that we would need both sets of our parents help with the wedding…and were comfortable asking for help. So, before we really started doing any planning we asked both sets what they thought they would be willing to contribute, then we went ahead with our budget. We are kind of forgoing the traditional brides parents pay for this, grooms parents pay for this. It’s more of a collaborative effort on three parts.
Is your wedding really not until June of 2011…maybe your Future In-Laws think it’s a little early to ask about paying for flowers and stuff.
Post # 5
My Father-In-Law are not financially contributing to the wedding, other than assisting with making food for the rehearsal dinner. However, FI’s aunt and uncle approached us wanting to pay for the flowers, which we gladly accepted. My parents told me up front how much they would be willing to contribute and we can use the money as we wish.
My Fiance and I are paying for ~70% of the wedding ourselves and the other 30% is my parents (roughly speaking and minus the flowers).
Our families kind of believe that is we are old enough to get married, we are old enough to pay for the event. Honestly, it has worked out fairly well because we don’t have to answer to anyone when making decisions. The obvious downfall is that we have to pay for a lot of it ourselves 🙂
Post # 6
The Future In-Laws have offered to contribute $500 toward our rehearsal dinner, which we appreciate very much. Fiance and I will pick up the rest. My parents has contributed a generous amount toward the wedding, and anything that I have gone over budget with, I have picked up along the way. It is working out, I think 🙂
I know tradition dictates that the groom’s family “host” the rehearsal dinner, but I also know that a) Fiance has been married before and b) they aren’t really in a financial position to do so. I still hope that his dad will do the traditional speech.
Post # 7
Future In-Laws are paying for the rehearsal dinner and are covering our honeymoon accommodations with their hotel reward points. My Future Mother-In-Law did tell me right off the bat that I should let her know if there is anything she is supposed to do, since as she said she isn’t up on etiquette, so I feel that if I wanted her and Future Father-In-Law to pitch in for anything they would have been open to that. Unless you have received indication that they might be interested in helping, though, I’d leave it alone. If they wanted to help out they would have offered.
Post # 8
The Future In-Laws haven’t offered anything else but the reahearsal dinner, but the Future Father-In-Law, is also letting us borrow his classic car for transportation, which saves us money too. Other than that, they have mentioned anything else.
Post # 9
Fh and I are extremely fortunate – – our entire wedding is being financially managed in its traditional ways. FIL’s are paying for the below, we can’t be more thankful!!!
- rehearsal dinner (our parents siblings & wedding party and their SO’s only)
- Out of Town guest reception that is after the rehearsal dinner for all Out of Town guests
- brunch the morning after the wedding
- they’re paying for half of our honeymoon
Post # 10
We’re contributing 50% and our sets of parents are both contributing 25% each. We had to ask them. I don’t believe in the traditional sexist division of who pays for what.
Post # 11
Future In-Laws haven’t offered anything. I feel weird asking and my Fiance is a master procrastinator. So, we’ve been engaged since Dec 08 and we STILL haven’t had a talk with them. It seems like my Future Mother-In-Law WANTS to be involved, but she is super shy about it and I am shy about it too so no one wants to bring it up…
Post # 12
Both sides are contributing to our wedding and are very gracious about it. My parents are paying for the venue, so I hate to ask them to pay for anything else. Father-In-Law told us to tell them what we needed and didn’t give us a set amount. That actually makes things more difficult IMO. I want them to say “okay, we’re paying for catering” or “we’re paying for decorations, etc” LOL oh, well I really can’t complain. We sort of threw this wedding at them (thanks to a deployment) and they have been nothing short of supportive and spectacular.
Post # 13
Originally my fiancé and I wanted to elope and not bother with a traditional wedding, but my parents and other family and friends let us know they would be disappointed if there was no ceremony and reception. My parents generously offered to pay for the wedding, so we decided to do it, more to please them then for ourselves.
We will pay for stuff that we would have gotten regardless of the type of wedding, like marriage license, rings, and honeymoon. We might also add money to the photographer budget, and I am making the invitations and other printed materials myself.
My fiancé’s parents did not offer to help at all. They are not wealthy, but do have some disposable income. I would never ask them for money, but I am a bit surprised they did not offer to contribute at all.
Post # 14
My FI’s parents haven’t offered to help with anything. Not even the rehearsal dinner. Or rather, his dad (the one who actually has some money) hasn’t. He said something along the lines of “well if we win the lottery we’ll be sure to help out” which basically means— we’re not helping. My FI’s mom (who doesn’t have much money) did offer to help out some but I think that offer has fallen through as she kind of ignored my follow-up questions regarding her offer. I don’t care much about FI’s mom’s offer (although why offer if you can’t follow through?) because I know she doesn’t make much… but FI’s dad kind of bugs me because I know they have disposable income and they could DEFINITELY afford to chip in a little bit.
Post # 15
i wish! ugh. i, too, am VERY fortunate that my own parents are extremely giving and have helped pay for half of the wedding. my Father-In-Law haven’t and won’t pay for any of the wedding.
now, granted, it’s not like they have a lot – they don’t, and i get that…but it WOULD be nice to even get a little. but nope. nothing at all. now, also – granted – my husband IS 36 years old – but this is his first and ONLY marriage – and his father’s first kid to get married. oh well.
Post # 16
ACtually FIs parents are paying for the majority of our wedding. My dad could only contribute $7500 to the wedding and with both of us having huge families (and no one willing to compromise on the guest list) we knew that we would need more. My dad and stepmom are also paying for the rehearsal dinner and then my mom is taking care of our favors. Future In-Laws have been amazing and have basically treated it like I am their daughter. We are very very grateful that we have them in our lives to help with this and make our (my) dreams come true!!