(Closed) Did your husband understand your pregnancy?

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
6430 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

He tries to be really understanding and he does a lot o help me, but I do think he thinks im exaggerating or being a baby about the pain I’m in. He would be upset with me if I came home early from work (I work in customer service where I have to stand for 8 hours a day) or had to call out when I didn’t feel well.

Post # 19
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I found that in order to get the help I need, I have to specifically ask for it.  Even now that the baby’s here, I have to be direct, calm, honest, and just ASK.

 

I can complain about things, or rattle off a list of 24 things I have to get done before I go to bed, but unless I say, “MrDane, it would really help me if you would please wash the bottles so I can get to bed at a reasonable hour” then I won’t get any help.

 

Also, I explained to him that there will never come a day when I have the time or energy left at the end of the day for nookie unless he helps me get my shit done.  That really helped his motivation ๐Ÿ™‚  *that is not to say that I would ever withhold affection, but if he’s in bed 3 hours before me and I drag my zombie ass up the stairs and he’s fast asleep, the humpty-hump just isn’t going to happen!* 

 

Post # 22
Member
3454 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@jdashiell17:  yep, I’m capable of doing it, and my husband is even MORE capable of doing it. He is my husband, not some random stranger I’m demanding to do things for me. If you’re fine doing 100% of the chores while your husband lounges on the couch watching TV simply because you are physically capable of doing so, then that’s great for you. That life doesn’t really appeal to me.

Post # 23
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@megz06:  Happy to help ๐Ÿ™‚  I do remember telling DH that first tri pregnancy felt basically like a hangover, which he didn’t really appreciate until one weekend he actually had a hangover.  After that, he was much more sympathetic.

Post # 24
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@iarebridezilla:  I don’t recall ever saying my husband was lounging on the couch watching t.v. I am just as entitled to give my opinion as you are yours. The OP asked when our signiicant others started to be understanding, and I gave my account of that.  My husband works 12 hours a day five days a week, is in the military, mows the grass, does chores, cooks, and cleans.  I was just stating that I do not ever feel like doing a task I am completely capable of doing is HIS JOB. I got pregnant knowing what I was in for, and not expecting to be waited on. Being lazy and pushy to someone I love just because I can is a life that doesnt appeal to ME. So please do not make assumptions like I am busting my ass while he lounges and watches TV, nothing of that sort was ever said. I am tired and achy, not suffering from a disability,

Post # 25
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I second what PP’s have said about directly asking.  It seems that most men are not really good at picking up hints.  I think it’s one of the ways that we men and women opperate differently!  Also, OP, pregnant or not I would be a little annoyed with my DH if he didn’t let the dog out (which he agreed to do) if he got up much earlier than I needed to.  I love me some sleep and I get annoyed when DH wakes me up by walking in to the bedroom with his electric toothbrush. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 26
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

From the beginning, after we had a nice long talk, he was sensitive to my cravings and food aversions. He didn’t understand why I was going to bed at 8, though. When I started showing at about 3 months, he started to take notice and do a little more. At 6 months, he actively stops me from cleaning (I always forget I shouldn’t use the products) and is still sensitive to my food needs. I’m also still throwing up, so he’ll try to help me take action so I don’t. 

Short answer, when the belly came, he really took notice that shit just got real. 

Post # 27
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@megz06:  I didn’t mean to tell you to quit complaining, I know pregnancy is not easy.  I also did not realize it was a symptom you were concerned with your pregnancy, I just thought you were feeling fed up that you had to get up to let the dog out. My husband was never “understanding” in the way that many women want their husbands to be, he was more concerned with my well being and the babies well being, and all I was saying is that I am glad he didn’t wait on me hand and foot, otherwise I would be flubber sitting on the couch (Not saying that about women that do get help, but that is just what would happen to me personally because I am TIRED). He knows that me staying active is more important than having someone else do things for me just because its easier for him. It just seems concerning that you are going to have a newborn and a puppy at the same time is all.. You got tons of support on here, and I gave my opinion, I didn’t mean to make any personal attacks or anything.

Post # 28
Member
3454 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@jdashiell17:  ugh, my poor husband, right? I’m all “can you please move the clothes into the dryer? That’s not so easy for me anymore” and “can you carry the fan upstairs for me?” I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to divorce me yet!

Asking for help when you’re struggling is not weakness. Pregnancy is not a disability, to be sure, but it does make some things harder and it’s okay to admit that.

Post # 30
Member
2886 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@jdashiell17:  I agree as well. I am 12 weeks today and have felt everything the OP has mentioned. However I am pregnant not DYING! I am treasuring the sick feeling and tiredness because that means baby is growing and thriving.

OP: I do think you need to speak up and tell him what you need from him. Guys as we all know are pretty dense and need to be told very obvious things. I hope it gets better for you soon.

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