(Closed) Did your husband understand your pregnancy?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 32
Member
4282 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@megz06:  I’m curious. Have you actually said, “I am very tired and you letting the dog out helps me a ton so I can get a little extra sleep?”

Post # 34
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@iarebridezilla:  Yikes. No one said anything about weaknesses, again, not sure where you come up with this stuff.  I ask for help when necessary, but I guess I am different in that I don’t struggle to pick up a dish towel. I guess I figured that since you work out 5 times a week, you wouldn’t either but I guess I don’t really know your situation.  I also admitted that pregnancy is not easy, and I am tired, my hubby does all sorts of things for me, but only when necessary.  My doctors told me I need to stay active, so that is my plan, and I am glad my husband makes sure I stick with that plan, even if people don’t think it is “supportive”. 

Post # 35
Member
4282 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@megz06:  LOL that’s why I asked. Seriously my husband is a very smart and caring man, as I assume yours is too. But if I don’t say exactly what I mean, he doesn’t get it! Give it a shot 🙂

Post # 38
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Dh was not as understanding the first time but he was pretty good.  He has gotten MUCH better and this time around (with #4) he has been super amazing!!!!!  

Post # 39
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

actually my husband is pretty good bless him. if im feeling rotten he’ll always ask what he can do to help. most of the time theres nothing he can do (like when i have one of my killer daily headaches combined with nausea and heartburn) but i love that he asks. and if i want a ginger tea or something…he;ll get it, just as i would get it for him when he felt terrible. some days im just feeling horrendous and super tired so he will go out and get food so i dont have to cook.

i don’t think its a weakness to ask the person you’re sharing your life with for help sometimes. Obviously i don;t think pregnancy means we should all lounge around and do nothing, but it can  be pretty tough even early on. if i cant be vulnerable with my husband and lean on him when im struggligng (and him on me when he is) then it wouldnt be the kind of marriage id be interested in =)

generally, im doing the cooking and cleaning as i did before. still walking the dog daily (so keeping active) but im definitely resting more than i used to. and lying down in a dark room if i have a severe headache

then again, ive just got to the second tri – and i hear this is the best tri of all. and all my energy will come back and my negative symptoms will go!!

Post # 40
Member
12246 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Darling Husband swings to both extremes. He enforces what I “can” and “can’t” eat like it’s law, won’t let me lift ANYTHING (which is insane, because I go to the gym 5 days a week), hates that I go to the gym (which is also insane), and would somehow like me to gain 7939405 pounds by eating nothing but veggies (AAAAHHHHHH I thought he was a Groomzilla–now he’s just a monster!)

But he also expects me to cook and eat well-rounded meals (even when I  had morning sickness and couldn’t eat, and even now that the smell of cooking veggies makes me nauseous), be awake at 6:30 or 7 to make him breakfast/pack his lunch, then somehow go back to bed (and then hates it when I go to the gym instead).

He’s VERY Type A, and works in upper-middle management, so it’s upsetting to him that he has to sit back and watch me grow the baby!

Post # 41
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Nope. He still comes home, plops down on the sofa and watches TV while I show up 2.5 hours later (at 5pm), walk in the door and immediately start cooking, start laundry and then have to clean the kitchen, too.  He’s still inviting our friends over for dinner parties on Saturdays (which I cook and clean for).  Part of this is my being stubborn, too….somewhere in my head I keep telling myself that I’m pregnant, not dying and refuse to be a baby or pull the pregnancy card.  It’s just how I’m wired.  That being said, I wouldn’t mind a teeny, tiny bit of pampering every now and again like he cooks or even starts laundry without me having to remind him. 

Post # 42
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m 15.5 weeks and my husband still doesn’t “get it”.  I recall breaking down crying one night during the first trimester when I was exhausted after several weeks of pregnancy related insomnia, when I was afraid to eat/drink due to indigestion/sour stomach and experiencing all the other general first trimester symptoms. All I wanted was to feel “normal” again and I was losing confidence approaching my 13th week that things might get better.  My husband turned to me during my crying and said “You’re the one that wanted to be pregnant. If this is the worst it gets, WE’LL take it”. Say WHAT!!!! Where’s the WE in this scenario? He was perfectly well rested, well fed and feeling great. Talk about being an ass (which I quickly called him).

He still doesn’t “get it” in other areas. He’s not interested in hearing about the baby’s development, doesnt want to participate in name choosing, etc.. He’s so wrapped up in feeling inadequate about his preparation in terms of finances (I’m the higher income earner in our household), our current living situation (renting not owning) and his lack of knowledge of what to do with the baby when it comes (but I’m female so he thinks I’m just genetically programmed to know what to do) that he can’t focus on anyone elses needs. 

I’m HOPING things change when baby gets here but I’m not holding my breath. 

 

Post # 43
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@megz06:  The extreme fatigue can be overwhelming, I struggle with my energy every single day at 9w. We were on vacation in Denmark (9 hour time change) from 3w2d-5w4d and were super active. I was having crazy jet lag plus pregnancy insomnia & food aversions. It wasn’t fun, but I felt like having Darling Husband with me 24/7 for those first 2 1/2 weeks of pregnancy really helped him see how being pregnant was affecting me. Since we’ve been home I’m still not feeling myself but things are mostly better. I’ve only cooked 3 times since early July. Darling Husband is really good about feeding me & picking up around the house but when I want to talk about names for the baby or how to decorate the nursery he gets annoyed, he said he’s not ready to talk about those things yet. So in some ways Darling Husband gets that I’m pregnant and is on board but other ways he’s still out to lunch.

Not pregnancy related, just relationship stuff in general, if I want/need something from Darling Husband i have to spell it out very clearly for him or he doesn’t get it. For example, Darling Husband didn’t get me a birthday present this year because I didn’t tell him what I wanted him to buy me. “And if I want something I have a credit card and can totally buy it for myself.” (He actually said that to me.) I ugly cried because my feelings were so hurt. I didn’t want anything specific, just a token from him that said “hey i saw this and wanted you to have it.” Another example, I get wicked bad migraines, they get worse in the evenings & if they are bad at bedtime I put an ice pack on my head to help me fall asleep. I’ve been doing this for 3+ years around Darling Husband, unless I specifically ask him to go get the ice pack for me he doesn’t take the initiative to do it. 

I hope you two are able to get through the puppy issue =) and that he starts taking it out in the morning.

Post # 44
Member
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

In my first trimester, my husband finally got it when I described being pregnant as feeling moderately to severely hungover 24/7. He suffers badly after a night out, so he totally got it. 

Post # 45
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I feel sorry for guys when their wives are pregnant because it’s got to be bewildering having your wife suddenly go from her normal self to a vomiting, exhausted hormone-monster. I remember my Darling Husband, in an honest-to-goodness effort to solve the problem, once suggesting that maybe it was all in my head and that I was thinking myself into being sick! I really don’t think they get it, but I guess I don’t expect them to–how could they? It’s hard to feel connected to/super duper interested in something that isn’t happening in your own body. Once my belly got bigger and he could feel kicks, he started grasping that it was really real, and now that my due date is coming up, he’s taken his own initiative to start reading up about things! It just takes them a while to engage in a process that feels so abstract and distant for the first few months.

After I started throwing up a few times/day and falling asleep on the sofa at like 8pm each night, though, he started taking me a bit more seriously and really stepped it up. He’s now been doing all the shopping and cooking for us since I was about 8 weeks along, and he is super sweet and sympathetic when he sees I’m struggling or in pain. I don’t let him baby me, but I do let him help out when I need it. 

I think that it’s important to rest up in that first trimester–after all, your body is doing major overtime and you feel tired for a reason–but sometimes just getting on with stuff helped me to cope (life seemed less centered around how awful I felt) and helped him to see that I really was trying to make an effort and not just pulling the pregnancy card.

Post # 46
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@jdashiell17:  get off your high horse. Not everyone’s as fantastic as you. 

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