(Closed) Did your husband understand your pregnancy?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 48
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My husband, who is by no means a jerk OR a lazy bum — if anything, I am the lazy bum because he does a majority of the cooking and cleaning! — was an uncharacteristic PITA during the first few weeks of my pregnancy.  We almost never argue, and we argued 3-4 times per week for several weeks.  He was a little freaked out about the pregnancy, and he was coping with it by making tasteless comments (e.g., he made up a song about episiotomies that he thought was hilarious) and not engaging with me to discuss anything I was researching.  In his defense, I was rather obsessively researching all things baby-related and probably being overbearing about it.

After several rounds of arguing, he finally got the message and has been back to his usual supportive self.  We both wanted to have a baby, and we were TTC, but we also are in our mid 30s and have a great DINK lifestyle right now.  It’s scary to know that a certain carefree aspect of our lifestyle is going to disappear.  He was freaking out about that and channeling it inappropriately.

This all ended about 2-3 weeks ago.  (Today I am 12w3d pregnant.)  Last week I finally got an unsolicited, heartfelt apology for it.  He just needed time to adjust.  I kind of knew that at the time, and I knew I needed to wait for him to get over himself, but that did not make it any less annoying or frustrating in the moment.

I suggest that you stand your ground, don’t excuse his behavior, but try to have some patience and get him to figure out how he’s really feeling about your pregnancy.

Post # 49
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@UK Bride:  i got the giggles with your comment about him suggesting it was all in your head!  My Darling Husband came out with a real gem a while back about how he needs to be more supportive and tolerant of me (when i have mood swings/feel ill) and nicer because “the pregnancy has made you crazy, but its not your fault!”/ he meant it 100% genuinely haha. aside from a raised eyebrow i decided just to take the benefits and ignore the reasoning haha

Post # 50
Member
1415 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I knew that Darling Husband didn’t “get it” the day he told me I was lucky that I was having such an easy pregnancy. He was comparing me with my SIL who is pregnant with her second and still throwing up in the third trimester. I may have only threw up once in the first trimester but I was nauseaus and completley exhausted all the time….there’s nothing “easy” about that!!!

However, I can’t complain about Darling Husband because he really is good to help out. He works 60+ hours a week and if he sees that I’m tired he’ll still offer to make dinner, do dishes, etc. I think the pregnancy has become more real to him now that I’m actually showing and he’s making more of an effort to help out.

@UK Bride:  Oh no…not a good idea to suggest to a pregnant woman that it’s all in her head! lol

Post # 51
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club

In short, no. But he does try! He was very concerned in the early days when I was fine one minute then bringing up my breakfast the next. It took him a while to adapt to me eating several small serves as opposed to one large serve and that there are certain foods I should be avoiding. Now he’s all for me splitting tea in two and is extra cautious when cooking things like seafood. He still doesn’t understand why I’m always so tired, I just keep telling him it’s hard work growing a person. He doesn’t baby me with aches and pains but if Hunter is sitting in a really awkward position and won’t move he sometimes rubs my tummy to comfort me.

He doesn’t really pander to me but I wouldn’t expect it. He is an anxious father who likes to make sure that I’m taking the best possible care of our son, but at times doesn’t understand all of the symptoms that go with it.

Post # 52
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsMagillToBe:  Excuse me, I was asked for my opinion and I gave it.  Unless you have something that contributes to either side of the conversation don’t say anything at all.  I did not attack anyone, and I am not on a “high horse”. I feel like shit but I pull through. In my case, having someone do things for me is unnecessary, and my doctors have told me over and over again, STAY ACTIVE, even despite my elephant feet!  My health and my babies health are most important to me and according to my doctor we are both above and beyond where we should be.  Do not attack me, as I have not attacked you or anyone else in this thread. I am sorry people don’t want to hear the truth about pregnancy but hey guess what, it is what it is, and if people don’t want to keep themselves up and active thats fine, but this is a public thread and the OP asked when their husbands started understanding, and I gave my own account.  Thank you for thinking I am fantastic though.

Post # 53
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@jdashiell17:  The question wasn’t about staying active, it was about if your husband understands what it’s like being pregnant.

Post # 55
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Two things:

1. You need to very explicitly tell him all the things you told us. Your body is changing and feeling not-so-good, you need extra sleep, and he needs to pick up the slack. It’s a partnership – right now, you will be the needier partner, and he should to be able to help you with what you need. That’s what partners do. Men usually need that actual conversation – they don’t pick up on hints or watch every facial expression – or else they truly don’t get it. Otherwise you’ll just build up resentment while he continues on completely oblivious.

2. Why is the dog biting you!?

Post # 56
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  And if you read any of the posts I put, I said it seems like my husband does not understand because he doesn’t do a lot for me.  BUT he is understanding in the fact that I need to stay active, so he pushes me to be independent when he knows there are tasks I can accomplish on my own. I hope this makes sense.

Post # 57
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@jdashiell17:  I guess it makes sense if you are okay with only that level of understanding. That would not work for me.

Post # 59
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  And I guess we have come full circle.  I would not be okay with my husband waiting on me hand and foot, especially since I think we need to prepare ourselves with constant ups and downs with a newborn, and the tolls our bodies will take during birth. This is what I said in the beginning of this thread, and no one liked to hear that, so everyone felt the need to get snarky with me over it.  Simply because they wanted that type of care from their significant other, does not mean we need to get nasty with me because I chose to stay active and accepted my husband for making sure I was fit and healthy, and at 37 weeks along I don’t regret it for a second.

Post # 60
Member
7430 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@jdashiell17:  Your posts just come across as very condescending and seem to assume that anyone who is receiving a lot of help from their partner isn’t “staying active”. Sorry, but that’s simply not usually the case.

Post # 61
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m not sure if he is a reader, but my husband has been finding this book really helpful!

‘Your Pregnancy for the Father-to-Be: Everything Dads Need to Know About Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Getting Ready for a New Baby’ By Glade B. Curtis, Judith Schuler

Its designed for new dads and really breaks down what is going on with the mother of their child.

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