(Closed) Did your husband understand your pregnancy?

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 62
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  Just wanted to send some love your way! It took my husband quite awhile. He is a wonderful guy, very patient, doesn’t get angry, rational, every day kind of guy. The first trimester was the hardest for him to understand. I didn’t have the nausea going on, but I was extremely tired. My placenta was also resting very low, which was causing easy bleeding, so I was under a strict no strenuous movement/exercise, no heavy lifting type of rest (my doctor even frowned upon going for walks). We were moving at this time, too, so I was useless.

  We had two arguments during this time. One, he thought I was treating him like a child (hello, mood swings). There were times where he was treating me like I wasn’t pregnant, but lazy. That was getting to me. I think it was also upsetting because I have a male co-worker (who, he and his wife have a child, and I think it was a rough pregnancy) who was treating me like glass. I didn’t want Darling Husband to go that far, but to just help me out a little.

  The second one was a few hours after I had gotten home from being hospitalized overnight. Yeah, that one felt good. He was feeling frustrated because he was having to do just about everything around the house (this fell into the time where I was still under all those restrictions). That was a rough one. I didn’t blame him for feeling frustrated, but we could have handled that conversation better.

  Now that I’m almost at the halfway point, he is getting better. What has helped for me is having him go to doctor’s appointments with me. Not that he doesn’t believe me, but I think it is more real, coming from the doctor. He went with me to my last visit, and things have been much better.

  Hang in there! Just like your husband, mine isn’t a douche, but I just don’t think he’s used to all of these changes. I know it has to be hard to understand since he’s not going through them himself, too.

Post # 64
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m not even going to address the craziness of someone suggesting that a pregnant woman is “lazy” for asking for help….

Whatever.

I’m getting big and round and I’m over 24+ weeks and he is just finally getting it, a little. I mean I would like him to rub my back after 12+ hours on my feet. But he probably won’t. He does however feel a little more sympathetic now then in the first tri. Men are very visual and your Darling Husband will probably react differently once your visually pregnant.

My Fiance didn’t even come to the anatomy scan to find out the gender, and now that it is too late he is like oh I will come to your next ultrasound. Oh yeah you mean the birth? Because that’s the next time we get to see the baby!

Post # 65
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  If that’s the way you take them, thats fine.  I was just responding to some rude messages I received, some talking about how my husband is lazy and sits on the couch while I do 100% of the chores.  Which is very far from the truth.  Also, some other comments made about how “I can pick up the dish towel I dropped, but it is my husbands JOB to do it”.  Now, tell me that doesn’t seem like someone that doesn’t want to stay active..

Post # 66
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I never called anyone lazy, if that’s how it makes you all feel maybe there are some underlying issues that you should address with yourself rather than assume someone is being condescending and making assumptions.

Post # 68
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@jdashiell17:  I believe the poster who made the comment about the dish towel was doing so to be funny. Most of her posts on this site have a comedic background to them. Maybe you just haven’t noticed before? Regardless, people responded to your posts the way that they did because your response to the OP was condescending.

Post # 70
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@megz06:  I made ZERO referrence to early pregnancy. It was pregnancy in general, again there is a ton of assuming that is going around. It was only condescending if thats the way you took it, and I am sorry if you did.  When I told my doctor about my husband dropping me off at work during early pregnancy instead of walking from our parking garage, she basically told me it is better for me and my baby if I made the walk, and that getting help with things I am allowed to be doing is unnecessary. A lot of doctors leave that out, because clearly no one wants to hear that they still should be doing these types of things! It is so easy to slip from an active lifestyle when we are tired/sick/sore.  I appologize if you felt condescended by my comment, btu you asked for responses, and I just am stating I wish more women would focus on their physical health and activity levels. I find it frustrating. I am in almost an identical boat as you, Married in October, Puppy in February, Baby in three weeks. It is a lot, and I think the one thing that has kept me going is maintaining an active lifestyle and doing things I think my husband could be helping me with. From your other posts it seem like you have a wonderful husband that would do anything for you, you’re a very lucky woman to have that type of support, and not saying you do or will, but I am sure some women abuse that type of love and care.

 @Cory_loves_this_girl:  Yes I believe she was trying to be funny, but she also made other comments about it that were more serious in nature after the fact, if you saw her other posts in this thread, and then falsified things about me and my husband to make it look like I am married to some lazy slob.  I appologize if you see my comments as condescending, but people can read things over the internet all different ways, and I am not the only person in this thread voicing this opinion.

Post # 72
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@jdashiell17:  Look, I stopped responding to you because I realized it was a complete and utter waste of my time. But if you want to get technical about it, you indeed said this: Being lazy and pushy to someone I love just because I can is a life that doesnt appeal to ME” in response to my saying that I have no problem asking my husband to help me do things that I find difficult. So … you kinda did call me lazy. You then implied that with my level of activity, I *should* have no difficulty bending over/picking things up, implying again that it is sheer laziness that causes me to ask for help with these things. The fact is, bending over and picking things up are the absolute hardest things for me to do at this point. It is very uncomfortable for me, and it is not uncomfortable at all for my husband. So I ask for his help with these things. I completely agree with @Cory_loves_this_girl:  that this whole thing started because your OP equated “staying active during pregnancy” with “doing everything yourself and not asking for help.” I wanted to reassure the OP that you can stay active and also ask for help with things. This does not make you lazy and does not mean you’re going to become a fat slob. If you agree with that statement, then our argument is over. If you disagree with it, then I have no interest in arguing with you further because that’s completely and offensively ridiculous.

Post # 73
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No my husband doesn’t understand my pregnancy at all he can’t and never will, but he is extremely empathetic about my pregnancy, he can’t sympathize because he’s never been through this and again never will. But his is aware and sensative to my feelings and needs. He has been amazing, he literally wants to jump up in the middle of the night to get something I’m craving or to help out with anything around the house. 

Anytime I say something sounds good he’s like I’ll go get it, but I never let him because I just don’t find it necessary, who knows that may change in a few months. But I do let him chip in extra with the house work.

As my midwife put it, I’m building an entire human being, if I need to take a break or a nap I’m entitled to that. This is a taxing time on your body and you have to take care of yourself. I know because I didn’t….we moved about a month ago and I pushed myself way way too hard my dh begged me to go rest during the move, but how can I be like thanks friends and family for all the free labor I’m off to nap…well I should have done that because I ended up out of commission for about a week as well as anemic. Now I’m on extra iron and making sure to listen to my body and taking breaks when I need them.

 I got a bit off topic there but…. IMO no your husband won’t understand but he should empathize if you’re in this together then you need to be a cohesive team from the start. 

Good luck and congrats hope you get to feeling better soon =]

Post # 74
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@megz06:  I swear it will get better! I found the first trimester awful. I was lucky I didn’t have bad morning sickness but I was physically exhausted and nauseous. It’s a hard adjustment! 

My Fiance literally said “You’re not even that pregnant! Geeze what am I in for when your actually pregnant (by that he meant showing!)”

Now when I tell him something hurts because I have been on my feet for 9 days straight, he is usually much better about it!

Post # 75
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@iarebridezilla:  Well honestly the fact that you stated you worked out all the time and were in much better shape than your husband, but “picking up the dish towel was still his effing job” would have never been an issue if you weren’t to say something like “If you’re fine doing 100% of the chores while your husband lounges on the couch watching TV simply because you are physically capable of doing so, then that’s great for you. That life doesn’t really appeal to me. When you want to make assumptions about my lifestyle and my husband when I SPECIFICALLY said I cook some and clean just as I always have, really kind of ticks me off. I was not responding to @megz06:  as being lazy at all. I do appologize with my wording about the “early pregnancy” issue, and I understand I may be missing something because I didn’t really have lots of morning sickness, but the hardest parts (such as bending over, and getting out of bed when you are tired) seem to happen when you’re further along and have a giant belly.  I wish I had gotten more done when I didn’t have this massive gut, but it’s far too late for that! Clearly playing devials advocate in a pregnancy post is a bad idea.  I stayed active, did not get a lot of help from my husband, and in turn have a happy and healthy pregnancy and to me that is all that matters. Good luck with your babies and your future families and I hope all these un resolved issues with your husbands works out.  When it comes down to it, they are men and its a damn good thing they aren’t the ones carrying around the babies for 10 months.

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