Did your life turn out the way you thought it would?

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Not at all. 

I saw myself moving away from my home town and becoming a chef. I didn’t really see marriage in my future, I kind of wanted to be more of a free spirit not really being tied down but still stable. 

Now I’m married, have a house, and never left my home town. I still work in the restaurant industry but it isn’t a job I particularly enjoy. Due to an abusive relationship and trying to overcome an eating disorder I had to focus on fixing those things first. 

The only constant is I still don’t want kids. 

Post # 17
Member
2946 posts
Sugar bee

Yes, for the most part.

I am 28 and have a home, a wonderful husband, adorable pets, stable office job. We are not rich, but we have money the things we need and have a comfortable life. 

I did think 27/28 was my magic number to start a family, but its here and i absolutely do not feel ready. I am not sure if that will change in the next couple years. 

The route to get here was different than i had anticipated. I didnt get my bachelors degree, i struggled financially to finish my AA and live on my own, i was in a horrible toxic relationship in my early 20’s, my family isn’t as close as they used to be and aren’t a huge part of my life like i would have imagined 10-15 years ago. But i luckily still have some great ones around 🙂 

Overall, i followed “the path” i set for myself. Still have goals to reach and who knows what life will bring next. 

Post # 18
Member
6259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

sharpshooter :  I’d have been married about 5 years sooner than I was (hopefully to the same person). I’d own a mountainside in West Virginia, complete with my own personal cave. I’d still be in shape from caving almost every weekend. I’d be finished having kids instead of waiting for my second at age 38. Also I’d see my friends and family more often because this scenario puts me a couple hundred miles away instead of a couple thousand. 

Instead I’m living in the southwest, close to where we officially met (I still remember saying I could never live out there, lol) I had to threaten to be done with my relationship for him to actually get engaged to me (we’re fine now). I had/am having both kids well after the age I’d like to. I don’t get underground anymore unless I make a special trip. We are both very far from our families, though a couple of his siblings have joined us.

I do have better endurance because I live around 6000 feet and often go higher for hiking and such. I’ve seen a LOT more of the US than I ever really intended to… we do not completely live in a first world country, as it happens. A lot of people have no idea about that.  It’s changed my perspective on a lot of things, I think. And reinforced others. I’m satisfied, even if there are things I’m missing now 

Post # 19
Member
249 posts
Helper bee

My life is completely different from what I envisioned I would say. But the crazy thing is I can barely even REMEMBER what I expected life to be back then. I just know it wasn’t what is going on now. But I don’t care!

It is like this. I went to school to be a physicist. I have wildly difficult to obtain degrees. Yet I work in a completely unrelated field. But I am VERY happy. 

I am marrying someone that I met 16 years ago. A guy I spent every waking hour next to in a mutual extra curricular activity. I BARELY talked to him over those 4 high school years. He was a guy that I would have never imagined dating let alone marrying. I still think its weird how things work out. But I am VERY happy. 

What I never expected the most… was for my attitude and perspectives to change so much. 

Post # 20
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

Yes, I saw myself as an artist or photographer living in California or a city, probably married in my mid 20’s and travelling a lot.

Instead I’m almost 31, bartending,  finally committing to back to school to become a social worker after spending my 20s roaming America on my motorcycle and enduring an emotionally abusive relationship.  Dating a recovering alcoholic bartender and actually in the healthiest relationship of my life, settling down in Delaware (?!)

Post # 21
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

Thinking about and planning the future always made me feel anxious and somehow suffocated (and still does), so I don’t make any proper long-term plans. The only thing I really wanted was to get the job I have, which I did faster than I thought and am now running my own business (which I never expected). 

Apart from that I didn’t have any ‘milestones’ or clear ideas about marriage, kids, etc., other than not really wanting to get married (although I am now) and assuming I’d end up with kids (which I won’t). 

 

Very happy with it all though.

Post # 22
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee

Better. I had a very traumatic childhood and bad parents. On my own since my teens. But I made it through college on my own, have had many businesses, a 25 year marriage, 2 kids, esteemed positions. I accomplished a ton more than my parents, it’s sll just sheer guts.

 

Now I have a great fh, I learned to expect better than my firtst hb. 

Post # 24
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Very different.

My plan was to graduate public high school with straight A’s, go to a fabulous uni, and apply to medical school. Mental illness was havoc and I was unable to complete public high school, enrolled at a community college, and I only have an associates degree at 25 years old. Sigh. But I have not given up hope; I plan to transfer at a fabulous uni and apply to medical school. I will be an older student, but I refuse to give up my dream. 

Post # 25
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes and no. I’m in my late 20s now. Before I was about 22, I was in a very exploratory stage and wasn’t thinking very far ahead. Once I plotted out a rough career trajectory (picked a field, decided to pursue grad school) things have gone roughly according to that course – thus far anyway. I hussled a lot to be where I am, and it’s paid off. I’ve earned multiple degrees, traveled a fair amount, married a wonderful partner, we’re thinking about kids in the next year or two, and we’re financially secure and hope to buy a house in the next few years (we’re in a very HCOL area). All of this is stuff that I wouldn’t necessarily have foreseen ten years ago. In many ways my life is far better than I could have imagined. I’ve hit most of the personal and professional goals I would have realistically hoped to achieve. 

But there have been tons of ups and downs along the way – breakups that shook me to my core, family members who I have had to cut contact with and others who have passed away, fantastic opportunities that came seemingly out of nowhere but also unforseen roadblocks. I recently began therapy for the first time to deal with some difficult childhood/family stuff, and I also couldn’t have foreseen that or the ways it would change me (I feel like I’m just starting to peel back some layers of coping mechanisms and walls I built up over the years, and I’m excited but also scared to see where that goes). I live in a city I never thought I’d live in. I have lost contact with people who used to be my closest friends.

I don’t think we can ever know the future, but I’m a big proponent of being intentional and making plans, even if our lives can’t (and shouldn’t) always follow them. Everything I’ve accomplished thus far is a result of thinking about what I want and then working backward to get there. 

Post # 26
Member
1192 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

No, I’ve definitely taken lots of turns that I didn’t expect.

When I was in high school I thought I would get my design degree, move to NYC, become a top notch designer and eventually settle down with a husband and kids.

Instead, I got married before my last year of college, worked at a small design firm when I graduated from school and was laid off during the housing bust. I had a daughter at the age of 26 who had significant health challenges and spent a year and a half not working so I could take care of her. I was separated and soon-to-be divorced at 30. At that time I’d been back in the corporate world for 3 years with a new career (not design, but a related field).

I spent 2 years in intensive therapy and at age 31 (in the midst of it) I met my current husband. He is everything I could have asked for in a husband. We just had our first child together almost 5 months ago and my career is thriving. However, I’m not super thrilled with what I’m doing anymore, so I am making plans to do a complete career change to an entirely different field and start my own business.

I never anticipated being a divorced single mom, although I grew more in that time of my life than I ever have at any other point. I never anticipated having a child with cancer, but it has taught me so much. I never anticipated that I would completely change careers, as I thought I would LOVE design – I didn’t. And in the midst of my marriage crumbling, I never thought I would find anyone else to love, let alone have more kids with. I didn’t think men like my current husband existed. I am so happy with how my life has turned out and proud of the woman I’ve grown into and feel extremely fortunate for everything in it.

Post # 27
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Mostly, yes. When I was very little I always knew I wanted to move away from home to a more exciting city. When I was a teenager, my dream was to move to LA and be a fashion designer. Honestly, I didn’t think too much about getting married or having kids at all when I was young. It just wasn’t a priority to me.

Well I’m now almost thirty, live in LA working in fashion. So I guess I accomplished those goals. I am married, and kids are looking less and less likely which is fine. My other dream as a kid was traveling the world, and I take 1-2 major trips per year so I guess I got there too. The only thing I thought I would do is study abroad. There just wasn’t an opportunity so it never happened.

Post # 28
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Nope. I thought for sure id go to college, get a degree and then have some normal 9-5. Then at one point thought i was going to join the army in the height of the iraq war…. (came pretty freakin close to signing my life away on that dotted line..)

Ended up going to technical school, got out and have been busting my a** ever since in the working world with a very high stress job. 

my only regret is not finishing college, maybe one day ill have the time and drive to go back and get a degree just to say i finished. 

Post # 29
Member
6259 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

gaia3465 :  lol, Delaware. My goal was to get the hell out of there. Success!

Post # 30
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee

ladyvictoria :  Hugs, bee. That sounds really rough, especially that you feel like you have to be strong and can’t really talk about your true feelings with your husband right now. If you’re not already pursuing it, it sounds like therapy could be really helpful. Maybe I’m projecting because I recently started therapy and didn’t realize how much I was carrying around trying to be strong, but it sounds like we’re similar in that way and I have found it immensely helpful to have someone to talk to who isn’t personally invested in my life. 

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