(Closed) Did your SO ask your father for his blessing?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My SO asked my dad on December 24th. Still hasn’t asked me ๐Ÿ™ I’m waiting as patiently as possible! I don’t think it’s going to happen right away, but i think it will happen in the next 6 months ๐Ÿ™‚ we only see my parents once or twice a year so he had to ask then if he was planning to ask!

Post # 18
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@orangeuexcited:  Asking (or maybe actually telling the father) is the custom in FI’s culture. They basically call it kidnapping. But it’s not. So often it happens this way…the girl and guy meet, decide they want to be together, she “disappears” and a few weeks later the guy goes to the girl’s father and tells her he intends to keep this man’s daughter. I’m not entirely sure what happens if the father objects. I assume the father would always agree because his daughter’s reputation might be ruined if he didn’t. She’s obviously been living with this guy for a few weeks and they’ve likely had sex. The more modern approach is to date some-what (not really allowed to be alone together) and then ask her father’s permission. And then if anyone finds out they’ve had sex or the girl is pregnant either one or both families will likely force them to marry. Marriage is a risky and complicated thing there. So glad I have options, rights and choices!

Anyway, we live in America and I’m divorced and 36. So it seems a bit odd that he would need my father’s permission. So, no, he did not ask.

Post # 19
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

No, my Dad has always said it’s our (i have a sister) decision whether to marry someone or not and not his place to give his “permission”.  I told my husband this before he proposed so he knew not to ask! I like to think my Dad would have been nice if my husband had asked, but he’d have probably made jokes and said no.

Post # 20
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

No, my FH didn’t ask and thank god. It would have been super pressurising to know that other people knew the proposal was coming before me; and my Dad thinks that sort of thing is silly anyway.

Post # 21
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

He is talking to my dad and mom in March (next time we see them) and I am SO EXCITED. After that he just needs a ring and then I should be in imminent engagement territory!

I explained to FH that asking for their blessing (not permission) would mean a lot to them and me. I love my folks, and want their support from day 1. 

Post # 22
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

@orangeuexcited:  yes, we had discussed it prior to the proposal, it’s not traditional in my family but it was important to me! He also asked my mother ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 23
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Nope

That would have been weird for both SO and My SDad

Post # 24
Member
8028 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, he did.  Which I think was wierd since this was my second marriage- but it was important to my DH and my dad really liked that he did it.

Post # 25
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Nope, he didn’t ask my dad. They had not even met before we got married. He did ask my mom, but that was in part I’m sure to enlist her help with the surprise proposal. 

Post # 26
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Nope, I asked Fiance not to ask. Partly because I thought I should be the first to know if he was going to propose, and partly because I wanted to be able to tell my dad myself. Seeing the smile spread across his face when we told my parents we were engaged was the best thing about announcing it and a memory I will treasure. 

Post # 27
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yes, although it wasn’t something I particularly wanted him to do, or even something that I think my dad expected, but something he wanted to do on his own.  I think he just saw it as a chance to have a one-on-one talk with my dad, who can be a bit distant sometimes.  

I knew he was going to my dad’s to talk to him, and when he got home, he told me what they both said, and it was really touching to hear some of the really sweet things my dad said to him.  I think he proposed 3 days later.

Post # 28
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@orangeuexcited:  Fiance did ask both my parents (separately, as they’re divorced lol). Both pretty much gave him the same answer – “It’s her decision, just make sure you’re prepared to make her happy.” LOL

Post # 29
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@orangeuexcited:  Not engaged yet but my SO won’t be speaking to my dad as he passed away when I was 17 (long time ago now).  He could ask my mom but I kinda hope he doesn’t as I want to be the one to tell her when we get engaged ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 30
Member
9564 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my dad passed away, but DH did ask for my mom’s blessing.

i did not know he did this, though i knew engagement was coming.

my mom told me after. DH said the sweetest things to my mom.

 

Post # 31
Member
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

SO won’t be asking my father – as far as I’m concerned, I am an adult capable of making my own choices and regardless of whether or not my father wants me to marry SO, I will be marrying him. SO and I are telling my parents pre-engagement that we do plan on getting engaged in the near future though. I want my parents involved and knowing what is going on with us, but I don’t want my marriage to hinge on the permission of my father.

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