(Closed) Did your MOH expect to be asked?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I had quite a few girlfriends who really wanted to be bridesmaids. And when I told them I was only having one Maid/Matron of Honor and I had already asked someone they were disappointed. But they volunteered their help for other parts of the wedding and I think they loved that. 

My Maid/Matron of Honor is a school friend from years ago who moved out of the country for college and I didn’t hear from her for ages. Then moved back and we kept in touch. Then moved to somewhere with no internet. Cue another year of no talking. Then moved back right before I got engaged. Because we always reconnect really well she was my obvious choice for Maid/Matron of Honor but she definitely was a bit surprised and touched! And it’s been great keeping in touch about wedding stuff and life in general.

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Um, I think my Maid/Matron of Honor was a little surprised. We’ve been good friends for a few years but we only lived in the same city for 9 months and we only see each other a few times/year now. Also, there is a girl who is my oldest (but not best) friend in the world who I think everyone assumed would be it. But the thing was– your Maid/Matron of Honor should be who YOU feel most comfortable asking. I picked my Maid/Matron of Honor because we talk every day and she is the best person other than my Fiance at making me calm/rational. Plus it just seemed right! She was really excited to be asked, even if she was surprised. 

I did feel SUPER awkward about telling my oldest friend because I knew she was expecting to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I was asking her to be a bm though so i think that softened it. I framed it as more of a time issue— she happens to travel 100% for her job and we only talk once every few weeks if that. So it was more like “i know you’re SUPER busy and always on the go but i promise not to expect to much and i’d love for you to be my bm”. i could tell she was slightly disapointed but she was really nice about it and has been nothing but great since i asked. 

Post # 5
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think it sounds like you are absolutely making the right decision.

You said yourself that she is your oldest friend in the world, while you refer to the other gals as “party girls.” In your mind, who do you see not only as your closest friend now, but also the friend you’ll remain closest with? I’m not you so I can’t say, but the way you worded your post suggests that you and your oldest friend have reconnected in a pretty permanent way. Even if she is surprised by you asking her, it would be a WONDERFUL surprise for her.

In terms of insulting the other girls, I know it’s tough. Unfortunately, choosing bridesmaids in general can lead to hurt feelings. I think your strategy of not choosing any of the group of five is wise because that would hurt feelings even more.

How many do you plan to have in your bridal party? If the “party girls” question your decision, you could always say that you didn’t want to have to choose among them and leave anyone out due to the size of your bridal party.

Do what feels right. Your bridesmaids should be who you want with you on your wedding day.

Post # 6
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Your maid of honor should definitely be your best friend. It doesn’t matter if time has separated you. If she’s your best friend, then she’s the appropriate choice and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to be there on your day. My Maid/Matron of Honor definitely expected to be asked because we’ve talked about being each other’s MOHs since we were probably 12. We’re not as close as we used to be either, but I don’t think that matters. She’s still my best friend.

Post # 7
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It sounds like you made the right choice! ๐Ÿ™‚

My Maid/Matron of Honor expected to be asked – And I hope to be asked for her wedding someday!

Post # 8
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

It sounds like you made a good choice ๐Ÿ™‚

My Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married next Saturday. We were just talking about how we never even asked each other to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. We just kinda assumed. haha. 

Post # 10
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

Mine was my sister who is closest in age, I didn’t even really specify anyone as a Maid/Matron of Honor but she really took all the organization stuff and lead the way on a lot of things so in the end it made the most sense.

I was asked one time to be a Maid/Matron of Honor and was a bit surprised, I wasn’t surprised about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man but the Maid/Matron of Honor.  The girl is great but I was irritated with her after awhile.  It got back to me that the reason she asked me and not one of her two friends that she hung out more is because she thought I’d throw a better party.  Kinda flattering but she also expected I bear a much bigger financial burden than the other BMs since I was the Maid/Matron of Honor.  I just held my tongue since this was the first wedding I’d been in but it didn’t make me happy to be in my first year out of college and somehow I was expected to be rich.  I was a grad student and we make less then minimum wage and the other BMs all had jobs too, arrrrrrggggg, it still makes me angry.  So I guess it sounds like you have really good intentions and I was really flattered at first but it did make me bitter after spending all this time and $$ on her planning parties and fun events and not refusing anything (which I think is why she chose me, I’ve become less of a pushover now), that she then barely talked to me after the wedding.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Post # 11
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

How comfy are you with the party girls?  Maybe have a girls night and say here’s the deal.  I want you all involved and love you all dearly but I need some readers/attendents and some Bridesmaid or Best Man.  And let them help with the decision, or are there some you know you want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and others not so much.

Post # 12
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

my moh is best friend. we’ve had our times that we weren’t as close (ie. when i lost a lot of my friends when i was dating my ex)… but we’ve made it thru life’s hurdles and have been closer than ever since graduating college in 06… we’ve even survived 2 years of her traveling around the world for her last job… ๐Ÿ™‚ now she’s about 5 hours away, but we try to talk at least a few times a week if not every day! ๐Ÿ˜› LOL.

i didnt formally ask her, it was assumed. even my BM’s knew before we were engaged that they’d be my party. o:)

i think that if she feels the same way about having made it thru those times in college when u werent as close, she’d be thrilled to be your MOH!

Post # 13
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister. We’re close. Plus, she’d already asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. So she was definitely expecting it… The other two members of my bridal party are my two best friends, so there were no surprises there either.

I do have one friend who may be disappointed she’s not a bridesmaid. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She would absolutely have been my fourth choice. Unfortunately, we’re having a small wedding so we need a smaller wedding party. I do plan to ask her to do a reading or something special. I hope she understands.

Post # 14
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think my Maid/Matron of Honor sort of expected but was also surprised and honored. We actually had a falling out for 2 years (just posted on another board about this) but then reconciled and now we are stronger than ever. I see her at least once a week and we email every day. There used to be a person in my life that I always thought was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor…in fact our nicknames for one another was “maid” but we drifted and I doubt we’ll ever talk again! I dont expect to be asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor for anyone’s wedding because the majority of my girlfriends have sisters!

Post # 16
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

One of the girls I asked to be my bridesmaid expected to have been asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor, so she decided to end our friendship over it. My Maid/Matron of Honor was surprised though and so far she’s been wonderful in her role! I definitely made the right choice.

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