Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my oldest friend in the world, we’ve always discussed being eachothers bridesmaids but never Maid/Matron of Honor (maybe when we were younger but not as of late). Anyways, we drifted in college due to my partying ways and her being very school/career focused and having strict parents that always restricted her from that kind of social scene. In the last couple years since I’ve gotten serious with my fiance, her and I have become much closer (due to the fact that I’m less of that party girl) and since I’ve gotten engaged I have become somewhat distant from my partying friends although I still do see them at least once a week I just don’t feel emotionally connected with them any longer. Do you think she will be taken back by my asking her to be MOH? Or does two years of reconnecting warrant an honor title?
Problem is I am planning to pick her as my Maid/Matron of Honor and not pick any of the girls from the “party group” to be in the bridal party (there will definitely be some disappointment there). There’s specifically one girl from this “party group” who thought I was going to pick her as Maid/Matron of Honor (heard this through the grapevine) who will be very insulted! When she realizes that I’m not even going to pick her as bridesmaid that will just add salt to the open wound! How do I go about this.
P.S. I’m trying to stay away from the party group so I can avoid picking between 5 girls (who at one point or another have all been deemed my “best friend” and also because if I pick 2 out the 5 lets say, the other three although not as close anymore will still be hurt I think.
Any suggestions? Thoughts are appreciated and welcomed! Thanks ladies!
Post # 3
I had quite a few girlfriends who really wanted to be bridesmaids. And when I told them I was only having one Maid/Matron of Honor and I had already asked someone they were disappointed. But they volunteered their help for other parts of the wedding and I think they loved that.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is a school friend from years ago who moved out of the country for college and I didn’t hear from her for ages. Then moved back and we kept in touch. Then moved to somewhere with no internet. Cue another year of no talking. Then moved back right before I got engaged. Because we always reconnect really well she was my obvious choice for Maid/Matron of Honor but she definitely was a bit surprised and touched! And it’s been great keeping in touch about wedding stuff and life in general.
Post # 4
Um, I think my Maid/Matron of Honor was a little surprised. We’ve been good friends for a few years but we only lived in the same city for 9 months and we only see each other a few times/year now. Also, there is a girl who is my oldest (but not best) friend in the world who I think everyone assumed would be it. But the thing was– your Maid/Matron of Honor should be who YOU feel most comfortable asking. I picked my Maid/Matron of Honor because we talk every day and she is the best person other than my Fiance at making me calm/rational. Plus it just seemed right! She was really excited to be asked, even if she was surprised.
I did feel SUPER awkward about telling my oldest friend because I knew she was expecting to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I was asking her to be a bm though so i think that softened it. I framed it as more of a time issue— she happens to travel 100% for her job and we only talk once every few weeks if that. So it was more like “i know you’re SUPER busy and always on the go but i promise not to expect to much and i’d love for you to be my bm”. i could tell she was slightly disapointed but she was really nice about it and has been nothing but great since i asked.
Post # 5
I think it sounds like you are absolutely making the right decision.
You said yourself that she is your oldest friend in the world, while you refer to the other gals as “party girls.” In your mind, who do you see not only as your closest friend now, but also the friend you’ll remain closest with? I’m not you so I can’t say, but the way you worded your post suggests that you and your oldest friend have reconnected in a pretty permanent way. Even if she is surprised by you asking her, it would be a WONDERFUL surprise for her.
In terms of insulting the other girls, I know it’s tough. Unfortunately, choosing bridesmaids in general can lead to hurt feelings. I think your strategy of not choosing any of the group of five is wise because that would hurt feelings even more.
How many do you plan to have in your bridal party? If the “party girls” question your decision, you could always say that you didn’t want to have to choose among them and leave anyone out due to the size of your bridal party.
Do what feels right. Your bridesmaids should be who you want with you on your wedding day.
Post # 6
Your maid of honor should definitely be your best friend. It doesn’t matter if time has separated you. If she’s your best friend, then she’s the appropriate choice and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to be there on your day. My Maid/Matron of Honor definitely expected to be asked because we’ve talked about being each other’s MOHs since we were probably 12. We’re not as close as we used to be either, but I don’t think that matters. She’s still my best friend.
Post # 7
It sounds like you made the right choice! 🙂
My Maid/Matron of Honor expected to be asked – And I hope to be asked for her wedding someday!
Post # 8
It sounds like you made a good choice 🙂
My Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married next Saturday. We were just talking about how we never even asked each other to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. We just kinda assumed. haha.
Post # 9
Thanks girls! I needed that extra boost of confidence to reaffirm my decision.
Now, for part 2 of my question…. I may have to include some of the party girls because my fiance is in the same predicament I’m in having to pick between his 3 best highschool buds (all from same group). Originally he was going to pick just 1 out of 3 but now he feels bad and wants to put the other two in which makes our sides uneven. Originally we both had 4 on each side now this will bump him up to 6… I would like to match his and a part of me does want to include the party girls (at leas the two I’ve been closest with) but I feel bad leaving out the other 3. I know many of you are going to say don’t worry about matching sides but I would really like it to be! Would it be bad taste to inclue 2 out of the 5 party girls?? I should stop calling them that b/c they are my highschool friends…actually the one who thinks she’s going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor is a friend from elementary school.
Post # 10
Mine was my sister who is closest in age, I didn’t even really specify anyone as a Maid/Matron of Honor but she really took all the organization stuff and lead the way on a lot of things so in the end it made the most sense.
I was asked one time to be a Maid/Matron of Honor and was a bit surprised, I wasn’t surprised about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man but the Maid/Matron of Honor. The girl is great but I was irritated with her after awhile. It got back to me that the reason she asked me and not one of her two friends that she hung out more is because she thought I’d throw a better party. Kinda flattering but she also expected I bear a much bigger financial burden than the other BMs since I was the Maid/Matron of Honor. I just held my tongue since this was the first wedding I’d been in but it didn’t make me happy to be in my first year out of college and somehow I was expected to be rich. I was a grad student and we make less then minimum wage and the other BMs all had jobs too, arrrrrrggggg, it still makes me angry. So I guess it sounds like you have really good intentions and I was really flattered at first but it did make me bitter after spending all this time and $$ on her planning parties and fun events and not refusing anything (which I think is why she chose me, I’ve become less of a pushover now), that she then barely talked to me after the wedding. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Post # 11
How comfy are you with the party girls? Maybe have a girls night and say here’s the deal. I want you all involved and love you all dearly but I need some readers/attendents and some Bridesmaid or Best Man. And let them help with the decision, or are there some you know you want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and others not so much.
Post # 12
my moh is best friend. we’ve had our times that we weren’t as close (ie. when i lost a lot of my friends when i was dating my ex)… but we’ve made it thru life’s hurdles and have been closer than ever since graduating college in 06… we’ve even survived 2 years of her traveling around the world for her last job… 🙂 now she’s about 5 hours away, but we try to talk at least a few times a week if not every day! 😛 LOL.
i didnt formally ask her, it was assumed. even my BM’s knew before we were engaged that they’d be my party. o:)
i think that if she feels the same way about having made it thru those times in college when u werent as close, she’d be thrilled to be your MOH!
Post # 13
My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister. We’re close. Plus, she’d already asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. So she was definitely expecting it… The other two members of my bridal party are my two best friends, so there were no surprises there either.
I do have one friend who may be disappointed she’s not a bridesmaid. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. She would absolutely have been my fourth choice. Unfortunately, we’re having a small wedding so we need a smaller wedding party. I do plan to ask her to do a reading or something special. I hope she understands.
Post # 14
I think my Maid/Matron of Honor sort of expected but was also surprised and honored. We actually had a falling out for 2 years (just posted on another board about this) but then reconciled and now we are stronger than ever. I see her at least once a week and we email every day. There used to be a person in my life that I always thought was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor…in fact our nicknames for one another was “maid” but we drifted and I doubt we’ll ever talk again! I dont expect to be asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor for anyone’s wedding because the majority of my girlfriends have sisters!
Post # 15
UPDATE: I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor yesterday and she was honored and I could tell she whole heartedly wanted to play a special role in my day! She was a bit surprised but not really… it was almost as if she was expecting it but not sure if I was going to make her or another close friend of mine (who’s expecting to be MOH) the “position”
Post # 16
One of the girls I asked to be my bridesmaid expected to have been asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor, so she decided to end our friendship over it. My Maid/Matron of Honor was surprised though and so far she’s been wonderful in her role! I definitely made the right choice.