(Closed) Did your parents care you were with an older man?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

What’s the question again – are you asking if anyone dated a much older man when they were underage?

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My parents were unhappy when I was 16 dating an 18 year old. If I’d have brought home a 20+ (or god forbid 25+) guy at 16 they would have kicked his ass. My mom met my dad when she was 15 and he was 19, and they got married when she was 17 and 21… although everything worked out in the end for them (and honestly my dad at 19 probably had the maturity of a 15 year old from what I’m told lol), she always says she feels like her parents were in the wrong by letting her date such an older man (which led to getting pregnant at 17 and getting married at 17). 

Once you’re past 18, ultimately, you have to let people do what they’re going to do. I think that at this point in my life (26) if I was with someone 10 years older it wouldn’t be a big deal to my family at all. But if I was 21 and still in college dating a 31 year old established business man, I think that some Talks would’ve ensued. 

Post # 5
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Girl I am right there with you. I really try to not be judgemental, but with couples like that, it gets real hard for me. I just plain do not agree that the whole “age is nothing but a number” thing applies universally.

I don’t think it would be “overprotective” whatsoever for a parent to be vehemently against their teenager being pursued by a grown man. JMO, I suppose. :-/

Post # 6
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@mrbee: I thought the question (from the title) was if your parents cared/would’ve cared if you dated a much older man?

Post # 8
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I try not to be judgemental, but when I hear a man over the age of 21 with someone under the age of 18 it turns my stomach a bit. It’s only a 5 year difference, but you are at such different places at that point. If it’s a guy who is 40 and the woman is 25+ not a big deal because both parties have (hopefully) had time to mature.

  One of my former classmates is dating a girl who is 18 and going to graduate high school in June (we’re 26). It’s a bit odd to me. However, when I was 22 I worked with a girl who was 19 and her boyfriend was 26 and divorced. This girl had very strict crazy parents that sort of drove them together. I found out recently they got married and are doing very well- expecting their first child.

Post # 9
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My Fiance is 5 years older than me and my family still gives him s*&t lol

I am 24 and he is 29, not like we’re kids.

I guess my family is just conservative or something? Or they are jokesters….not sure which one yet heheh

Post # 10
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i had a friend who was 17 when she was dating a 33 year old man! me and my friends were all 16/17 at the time and WE were horribly disgusted by the whole thing and were so happy when they finally broke up!  he was NOT good for her in any way, shape or form.  as for her parents, i don’t think they knew!

Post # 11
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I knew a girl who started dating a 16 year old when she was 22. No one really cared, and he got a lot of “Oooh older woman!! Woo-hoo!”. It’s funny how no one thinks badly of it when the gender roles are reversed (in the sense that no one thought this was dangerous for the 16 year old boy.)

Post # 12
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@dynamic_duo: Ugh. I’m sorry but my gut reaction to that is just, “That’s not ‘dating,’ that’s being groomed for rape.” If she were my daughter…. lord help the man.

Post # 13
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@littlemissmango: oh i am totally with you on that!  

funny enough, that song that goes “i’m in love with a man nearly twice my age” was out on the radio at the time, and even know if i hear it, i still think of my friend and how wrong it all was. i am glad she got away from him.

Post # 15
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

When I started dating my SO I was 17 and he was 21. I have never dated anyone my age so that didn’t really phase my motheeer. I think it slightly bugged her because I spent a lot of time on a college campus before actually going to college but his friends gave him a harder tine then my mother did. I didn’t have very strict rules as a kid though. We are still together 4 years later though so he must be decent 😉

Post # 16
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Miss Tattoo: Bear in mind, not all bees are from America, and the age of consent varies accordingly. So what you might consider illegal, had it happened in America, is perfectly legal/ acceptable in another part of the world. I’m not just talking about third world countries either. Here in Australia, the age of consent is 16 for most sexual acts and 18 to marry. I met my Fiance when I was 17 and he was 29. I’m often irked by US people asking me “isn’t that illegal?”, because, no, what is illegal in your country is different to what is illegal in my country. 

 

But in answer to your original question, my parents initially had a difficult time dealing with our relationship. We kept it quiet for about three months, but then we realised that we did have a future together and that we didn’t want to wreck our relationship with my parents by deceiving them any longer. We took my Dad out to coffee and told him and while he wasn’t ecstatic, he supported us. He gave us some good advice, saying that we’d chosen a relationship that was slightly outside the norm, and that we’d face some challenges that other couples didn’t have, but that in itself wouldn’t be an impediment to a happy future together, if we were prepared to put in the work. And, here we are, four years later, preparing to buy a house and get married, and we are indeed very happy together.

At the end of the day, you just can’t help who you fall in love with. 

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