(Closed) Did your parents care you were with an older man?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@DeathByDesign: Honestly, I am just as squicked out by that age difference as if the genders were reversed.

And even when it’s technically legal, I still wonder what’s really going on in that relationship. I think “half plus seven” is a pretty good rule of thumb for the lower age threshold.

I agree with

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@Miss Tattoo: that it doesn’t matter anymore past a certain age, but when one is still in high school it does give me the creeps. I remember what it was like when I was 15 or 16, and I was very much still a kid (though at the time I thought I was so grown up and knew everything!) It astounds me when I think of how much I’ve changed and grown, and when I look at kids that age now they seem like babies to me.

I’m sure not all 20-somethings who date teenagers are creeps who set out to find themselves a young little thing who’s inexperienced and vulnerable, but the fact is a LOT of them are. And most 15 or 16 year old girls are not equipped to tell the difference.

Post # 18
Member
2088 posts
Buzzing bee

My friend’s little sister started seeing an older man last summer… He was 24, she was 15. He was divorced and had a 3 year old daughter, and this is a girl in the 10th grade!! I was disgusted by it, and so was everyone else. Thankfully, her sister and father set her straight on how abnormal it was for a 24 year old MAN to be interested in a CHILD… it didn’t last very long, two or three weeks at the most.

 

Post # 19
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Hmmm…you haven’t actually got a lot of responses from people actually with an older man, so here’s mine.  I was 16 when I met Fiance (volunteering).  I had a crush on him for soooo long, but he is 7.5 years older than me…so no way was that going to work out ;).  We became super close friends, always bordering on being so close to “maybe, possibly, sorta dating”, but never actually dating.  A couple months after I turned 18, he made it obvious he did want to date, and told me later that he had waited til I turned 18 before he “made a move”. 

Were my parents happy about it?  Mmmm…no.  Even when I had a crush on him they knew him and my mom would throw in the odd comment about him being too old for me.  We have dated for awhile before getting engaged and my family loves him now.  I guess he’s “proved” himself to them.

Why do I think this is ok?  I’ve always been much more mature than my age.  I know people who don’t know me will argue with me til they’re blue in the face…that’s fine.  I know me, that’s all that matters.  I left high school early and finished it on my own (correspondence) while working full time.  Moved out of home the summer after I turned 18.  Finished college before I was 19 (I’m not done for good, but finished an extremely difficult course that only half the people that applied for got into).

I know that Fiance loves me, and I love him.  He treats me better than anyone in the past, and better than I could have hoped for.  I don’t notice the age difference between us, other than when we are out with friends (his being much older, sometimes into their 30s).  Most of them are (or seem to be??) ok with the age difference, although I know sometimes he gets flak for it, or just teased because of it.  I’ve never been into the drinking/partying scene that alot of people my age are into right now, so I don’t feel as though I’m missing out on anything at all.

That’s my story ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well, I gulped a few times when I found out my son was dating a girl still in high school when he was 22.  However, as far as the legal part of it, they didn’t have sex until she was 18.  And as far as the emotional part of it, my son has Asperger’s, which means his developmental age is a lot less than his chronological age, so they may be relatively evenly matched as far as maturity goes.  And as for his being a creep who was looking for some sweet young thing–he was a virgin when they met.

At this point, they have been together for five years, she has now graduated from college and gotten a Master’s degree, and they will be married in March.  And it is quite clear to me that he is very much in love with her.  I think at a certain point, parents just have to make the assumption that their adult children know what they are doing.

As for me, I got involved with a 32-year-old woman when I was 47.  However, as others have said, age differences become less critical as the people involved get older.  There is no way I would have dated her when I was 30 and she was 15.  Plus, I don’t have a history of only looking at people much younger than me.  Both of my serious relationships before her were with people older than me.

Post # 21
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@soon2bhis: He waited until you turned 18 – to me that puts him in a different league than the guys who have no qualms about plunging into a relationship with a 16 year old.* If I was your mom I think I would respect that.

*Sure, it’s just two years, but two years in your teens is huge in terms of growth and personal development!

Post # 22
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

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@jayce: He definitely is in his own league Smile  I mean, it definitely shows respect on his part that he would wait 2 years, plus it’s just so darn romantic! 

Post # 23
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

Mine did. When I was 19 and on a breakup from my long time boyfriend who was my age, I briefly dated a guy who was 31 and divorced with 2 kids. I was living on my own, but decided to let my family meet him during Christmas, and my Dad and brother tortured me for at least a month afterwards. My Dad wanted to know what was wrong with him that he had to date somebody so much younger. My Mom was upset that we might get serious and I’d be a SM to 2 kids not much younger than me. It started to make me feel weird so I ended it shortly after since I thought maybe everybody was right….and I did NOT want to be a Mom at 19!

Post # 24
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I met my Fiance when I was 19 and he was 35 – if my parents thought anything of it, they didn’t say… now it’s 11 years later we’re getting married, hoping to have a family, etc. So it can work. Neither of us has been married before, have kids, either. 

Post # 25
Member
1806 posts
Buzzing bee

I was 19 when I started dating my 31 year old FH. I’m 22 (will be 23 next month, not that it matters) and he just turned 35 last week.

I didn’t tell my mom his age until she had already met him and we had been dating for a year. At that point she already knew he wasn’t in it for the booty so she really couldn’t say much about it.

Post # 26
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

In high school I briefly dated someone 20 when I was 16 and as an adult (23) I dated someone 37 (although I believe my family thought he was 5-6 years younger).  My parents were smart and never told me at the time they didn’t like any of my boyfriends, only after so that wouldn’t drive me into “defying” them and staying with them.  Of course, they did put parameters around my activities, e.g. the bedroom door had to be partially open whenever a boyfriend (of any age) was over.  This time around, they’ve actually told me during our relationship they like him lots (31/35), which is a first.  ๐Ÿ™‚

As far as sex goes between kids/adults, the laws will vary considerably by state. 

Post # 27
Member
33 posts
Newbee

I guess my parents have no room to judge since Dad is about to be 79 and Mom is 60… almost a 20 year difference! ๐Ÿ™‚ I was 17 and Fiance was 22 when we met, my parents weren’t concerned but his were considering I was underage. Now I’m 21 and Fiance is 26, they couldn’t love us more together, he treats me right and vice versa. I have two other married friends where the girls are my age and their husbands are 28 and 31.

Post # 28
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I was 18 and my fi was 24, almost 25 when we met. I was nervous as you would not believe to tell my mom his age, but when I said it she was like “okay…..so?”when i told my dad he was like “What? How old are you again?” and then once he met Fiance he was fine with it, but neither seemed to have any kind of “WHAT THE F***” reaction. His sister on the other hand, FREAKED. she texted/called him about eight million times after his mom told her he was seeing someone and she was 18. She asked if I was pregnant….uhm…no, we just like each other. lol!

 

Post # 29
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

It churns my stomach as well when I hear about guys age 23+ with GIRLS under 18.  I want to make that clear, to me they are not women yet.  I don’t care once they’re 18.  Just bothers me for some reason, part of it is the stereotype of why they want girls that young.  Sorry, but I’d have a huge problem if my daughter or son did either of these things.  Even if my son was 16 dating a 25 year old woman.  I’d be incredibly uncomfortable with it, once he’s 18 then it’s his decision.

Post # 30
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

just to also put this out there, when my fi and I met, we had no clue as to each other’s age. I thought he was at the most 22 when we met, but really thought he looked like 19/20. He assumed I was at least 21 b/c of the party we were at. When he later added me on facebook he immediately texted me and was like “You’re eighteen?” and I was like “yep!” and then he texted me back and said “Do you know how old I am??” and I was like “idk, 21?” and he was like “I’ll be 25 in july.” I felt odd but we met up and kind of said “this is odd… I like you, I don’t want to quit hanging out, but is it weird?” we decided we were fine with it, and it worked out for the best obviously.

Post # 31
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve always been into older guys. Not OLD guys, but older guys. My first boyfriend and I were 17 and 21. I know–YIKES. Nope-the parents didn’t like it. Looking back, I don’t either. AND now he’s 27 and keeps going after 19 year olds. Then doesn’t get why that doesn’t work out. Me and my SO–ten years apart. 23 and 33. There is definitely a difference. I wouldn’t recommend a huge gap for everyone. My parents like this one, though!

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