(Closed) Did your parents give you money with strings attached?

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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summerbride0815:  I haven’t been in this situation because I don’t take money from my parents but.. The simple solution to not wanting to be controlled is to not take the money.

Post # 3
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We got cash for a wedding gift based on her desire to approve of my wedding gown. I went along with it.

Is your situation getting sticky?

Post # 4
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

Luckily, my parents are not the type to ever do that… but for those who do have parents who give money with strings attached, there’s really only two options:

1) You take the money, and accede to their wishes

2) Don’t take their money and do what you want.

Post # 5
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

No there were no strings attached. They considered it a wedding gift to us. This was on both sides. They helped and it made them happy. 

Post # 6
Member
1549 posts
Bumble bee

We did what we wanted and didn’t ask for any money from anyone. We personally wouldn’t accept money with strings attached. Saved us a heap of drama!

My Mother-In-Law did not approve of our plans and didn’t even attend the wedding. Regardless of all that, a week before the wedding she transferred a large amount of money to my husband without even mentioning it. Passive aggression at its finest! 

Post # 7
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

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summerbride0815:  Ours didn’t but if they did, we would have declined the money immediately.

Post # 8
Hostess
4550 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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summerbride0815:  I was worried this would happen to us since my Dad has been judgey about how I spend my own money in the past, but so far it hasn’t been an issue.  He’s given input when asked, for example, before we set our date, I had asked if he thought it would be too cold for my Nana to be at an outdoor wedding in November, and he thought it would be, but was totally fine with us picking a date in October, and didn’t push for us to have it earlier. 

I think if they’re little things that you don’t really care about, I would cave since they’re paying, but if it’s big stuff, I would say something non-committal like “oh that’s an idea!” and hope they get the hint.  If you take money from anyone though, I would expect to have to cave on some things if asked.

Post # 9
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My in-laws gave us some money towards the wedding and I was apprehensive about what this meant but we were fortunate, they wanted nothing more than to invite a table worth of their friends who we would have let them invite anyways.

Had there been strings attached that we didn’t agree with, we simply would have returned the money or not accepted it at all.

Post # 11
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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summerbride0815:  could you tell her x amount is due at the time of booking? 

is there a reason you think she might flake out and not honor her word? (Or is there precedent)

My parents have contributed our wedding, but are letting us handle booking everything and dealing with vendors. I asked my parents and FI’s parents for a guest list early on. They invited some people who I wouldn’t have, but if they don’t object to paying for it then I don’t care either. 

Post # 12
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

We received money from my Future Father-In-Law with no strings attached. He has done this for all of his kids so I am certain there will be no issues! We allowed him to have a certain amount of guest list spots but that was our choice, he didn’t ask.

Post # 14
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My mom bought my dress and wanted me to go shopping with her.  I thought she would be disapproving aND was ready to say I will buy my own but she was great.  The in-laws said they wanted to give us x towards the wedding.  When they sent the money, they sent twice as much.  No strings just love and support.  We had planned to pay for the rehearsal dinner out of those funds and they paid that in addition.  

Post # 15
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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summerbride0815:  Then pay for the wedding yourselves. If the money is coming with strings attached and you’re worried she’ll bail.. Why take the risk?

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