(Closed) Did your parents help you with the down payment on a home?

posted 3 years ago in Home
  • poll: Did your parents or inlaws help you buy a house?



    Yes, they gave us $10K to 20K

    Yes, they gave us $20K to 50K

    Yes, they gave us more than $50K

    They bought our house

    Yes, but it was a loan, not a gift

  • Post # 151
    934 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

    We had help from my Father-In-Law on our first home purchase, but we had a considerable amount saved up for the down payment as well (total dp was around $100k alone).  He is big into property investment, wanted us to get into the market, and treated it as a wedding gift.  Our second home purchase we didn’t receive any help but Father-In-Law gave us a monetary house warming gift.  We’re purchasing a third investment property right now which will be completely on us.  He’s also purchased several properties that he plans to leave us.  We feel very fortunate for everything he’s done, but we still work hard, save, and make smart financial decisions.  

    Post # 153
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    My first home with my ex husband, we paid for entirely, with the exception of probably $5K in gifts from our parents. We didn’t ask, they offered. We accepted the help to pay for closing costs and were very appreciative.

    I kept that house in the divorce and ended up having a substantial amount in equity when my current DH and I were ready to upgrade to our forever home (I’m in my mid-30s, he is in his late 30’s). So, my profit from the sale of that house was our 20% down payment. However, to purchase a family home in our area, we needed more. We had 2 options. Either we buy on our own, and buy smaller and in rough shape to be able to afford it or DH’s father wanted to downsize, and we buy the home DH grew up in. FIL wanted to keep his home in the family, so we worked out a deal for purchase price that was well below market, but what we could afford and went that route. It was important to DH, Father-In-Law and SIL that the home remain in the family, so all parties were agreeable to this. DH was super excited because now we live close to his dad and can keep a better eye on him, have him over for dinner, etc. He can still enjoy the house, even though he doesn’t live here anymore. So, did Father-In-Law give us cash? Not technically. But without his willingness to sell under market value, we would not have been able to buy in this town. The amount that we paid him was 20% more than FIL needed to purchase a condo, so he still doesn’t have a mortgage. I’m super grateful to him that he was willing to sell his beloved home to us.

    The real estate market where we live is nuts, the fastest rising home prices in the US by percentage. The home we purchased appreciated over $100K in 12 months and several hundred thousand in the last 3 years. For reference, it’s a nearly 70 year old home with plenty of upgrades needed (new electrical, plumbing, renovations of the main floor and basement are a few). With that as an example, most of our friends are unable to purchase a home without some sort of help unless they had purchased prior to the most recent boom that began several years ago. It’s not unusual for families to help their kids in this area for those reasons.

    I’m shocked at how judgemental some people are being.

    Post # 154
    32 posts

    My parents gave me 10k for the downpayment. They also gave me about 4k for appliances after we moved in. They considered it like my “wedding gift” even though I wasn’t engaged or getting married lol. It was like their one big gift to me. If my boyfriend and I get married we wouldnt have a ceremony so they wouldn’t (and probably couldnt anyway) contribute to that.

    Post # 155
    617 posts
    Busy bee

    My parents did not help with our house, but they had just helped out a good amount for our wedding.  My in-laws helped with the house indirectly – they had an account to help my husband pay for college.  But he only went to community college for one year, so there was still $10,000+ in the account.  They didn’t tell him about it until the year we got married, and asked that we use it for a house.

    So basically the only reason we got help was because my husband didn’t need that money for college. We wouldn’t have received any help if that money had already been used.  We weren’t expecting to receive help, so it was a wonderful surprise and made a big difference for us.

    Post # 156
    988 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 1984

    I’ve been married for 33 years and we now live in our second home. We had money saved for a downpayment on our first home, but nowhere near enough to purchase in Toronto (then, as now, prices were crazy relative to income) and we were considering moving out to the surrounding suburbs. My parents weren’t crazy about us moving too far from them so they loaned us money (interest free) to increase our downpayment. We buckled down and payed them back in full whithin a couple of years.

    We regretted accepting that money almost immediately. My father is a problematic individual and there was not a day that he didn’t hold that money over our heads – but we were grateful that it put us in a position to stay in the city.

    In the end, if your relationship with your parents is healthy and respectful then I don’t see an issue. If we were in a position to do so, we would help all three of our boys to purchase a house – we can’t take the money with us when we die and I like the idea of seeing my kids get the money when they need it. While we can’t afford to do this for them, we did pay for their university tuition so all three have finished their education debt free and have or are entering lucrative careers. 

    Post # 157
    66 posts
    Worker bee

    My parents got me a house, fully paid and fully under my name. My Father-In-Law got my husband a condo fully paid and fully under his name. They paid for our education and our wedding too. Our parents can easily afford it, and said all their assets will belong to us one day anyway. Why not give some away while they are still alive to see us enjoy it? These gifts come with no strings attached, and we are definitely not lazy people expecting handouts from our parents (I am a university lecturer and my husband is an engineer). I expect we will do the same to our children id we have any. For now we are giving the best life possible to our fur baby. We just happen to come from very fortunate backgrounds. I wish people wont be so judgmental about other people’s life decisions… 

    Post # 158
    1461 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Our parents didn’t give us any money for a downpayment, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. My great grandparents were freed slaves and had nothing, my grandparents were fairly poor and couldn’t help my parents get started, my parents turned a corner and attained some wealth later in life but not enough to set up my siblings and I. DH and I will be in a position to at a minumum cover the costs of tuition for our children and contribute to their wedding.

    We hope to have some “start up” money to give our children when they are settled whether that is to buy a house or start their own business. We will only give our children money if we believe they are responsible enought to accept it. 

    Post # 159
    1411 posts
    Bumble bee

    My parents paid the down payment for my first place, but I was just dating my now-DH. It was cheaper in my area to pay PITI payments than rent, so they pretty much forced me. Lol

    I tried to return the down payment when I sold it, but my Mom said my Dad wouldn’t allow it (he had just passed away). So I kept it, and since DH owns a house it’s just sitting now… need to do something about that!

    Post # 160
    988 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 1984

    View original reply
    mrsbjj17 :  This is exactly how we feel – both my husband and I would rather see our kids enjoy the money now, when they need it, rather than getting it after we pass. All of our kids (DIL included) are hard working, not spoiled and certainly not expecting a hand out. We are grateful we are in a position to help them graduate debt free and help with their weddings. When our oldest married, we gave him approximately half the cost of the wedding with no strings attached – my son and DIL were free to use the money as they saw fit so, for all we know, it could have been used as a part of their downpayment. 

    I also wish people were less judgemental – we are free to do what is right for us as individuals and there is not “one size fits all.”

    Post # 161
    185 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    No way. I’ve never heard of parents offering to pay for that.

    Post # 162
    4371 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Hah. My parents couldn’t even help me buy a house…key. 

    Post # 163
    5018 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Based on poll results here it clearly isn’t very common.

    I’ve been rather independent since a young age and have never been the recipient of a hand-me-out, or a loan.  But I am okay with that. There’s a sense of accomplishment knowing I saved and was able to afford my own home.

    The topic ‘Did your parents help you with the down payment on a home?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors