Post # 1
I’ll try to keep this short. I will be graduating with a Bachelor’s in Cello Performance in December. I haven’t even considered grad school until very recently. The only one I am considering is almost two hours away. Bf and I have been dating for 2.5 years and engagement has been in the talks since the two year mark. Unfortunately, he is not in a position with his job (he’s shift supervisor at a place that makes machine parts) where he can move with me. I’m honestly torn on what to do. I obviously don’t want the relationship to take a hit, but I also want to go to grad school if it’s finanacially worth it and can help my career. He knows I’m still just looking into it and I intend on asking what his plans for our future are, but I’m just so nervous of what would happen if I did move away. I deal with depression and anxiety and struggle with being alone, even though I have a dog. We’ve been living together for two years now, so it would be a huge change. Please no hate or rude comments, just your stories or advice. Thanks!
Post # 2
c3lloninja : Our story: Me and my husband have each moved once for eachother now. I moved to England for him when I was 21 (after dating long distance for one year), and now we recently moved back to my home country so I could go back to grad school (just married, together for 4 years now). I’ve said to him after I graduate we will move where he wants to next! We always knew that we would move anywhere in the world so that we could be together.
One person may have to make sacrifices or compromises in your situation. Could he not find a similar job in your new city, or could you consider any other programs? You could also consider doing long distance while you are at grad school (although I understand that would be extremely hard considering you are already living togehter). I think if two people are truly meant to be together, they will find a way 🙂
Post # 3
We did long distance while we were still dating so I could go to grad school (a two year program). It sucked but it’s what made the most sense for us at the time. There wouldn’t have been any job opportunity for him where my program was. We were about an hour and a half apart and tried to see each other every weekend. It sucked but it didn’t hurt our relationship. He was hugely supportive of my decision to move for this program and was my rock during the program. It was also agreed on that I would move back when the program ended, which I did.
Post # 4
My husband is a classical musician and damn, it is not an easy life. You really have to go where the jobs/opportunities are. (Hence why I recently followed him halfway across the country for his work).
If you want to make a career out of cello performance, you’re gonna have to be open to moving around, boyfriend or not. Your bf will find a way to follow you and if he can’t/won’t, then maybe it’s not the right relationship for you (or maybe cello performance isn’t the right career path). I hope it works out ffor you!
Post # 5
Yes, he moved to a city closer to my work. What helped was that he was having a hard time finding a stable job so he was willing to move. It was also only an hour from our home town. We have talked about moving significantly farther away from home, which he wasn’t willing to do. Long distance isn’t an option for us but you could consider it.
Post # 6
sapphire27 : This is the closest school that offers a masters in music performance. Sure, he could find another similar job, but his goal is to climb up the ladder and eventually be the big boss in a suit. It would be really hard for him to do that if he has to start over at a new job.
Post # 7
tiffanybruiser : The only reason I want to go to grad school is to be able to teach at a college level someday or something like that. I’m really interested in building my own private studio, which I could do without a masters in my current city. Part of me feels like I’m not done learning yet and that I could really benefit from the extra two years, but I know that I’m a great musician and that I’m perfectly capable of making a name for myself here.
Post # 8
Yes, my husband left behind his family/friends/home/job to move 4 hours away to be with me when we were just dating. It was a huge sacrifice on his part and I am so appreciative of it.
However, he didn’t have a career, just jobs. I had a career and my own place and I had some family stuff where I am not able to just leave on a whim. He’s always been very understanding of that and has wanted me to have as much time with my family as possible.
Either one of you will have to be willing to follow the other or you will have to date long distance. While I always advocate for school over relationships, it seems like he has a life built and it wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense to lose that security.
Post # 9
I moved for Darling Husband. He wanted to move to be closer to his kids. Our agreement was we would move once they got out of high school. The next move was to a place I wanted to move. Would the master’s program be 2 years? Would your boyfriend be willing to have a long distance romance during that time? You could put off the wedding until when you are done. Does he want to stay forever where you two live now? Can you get the college teaching jobs you want in the town where you currently live?
Post # 10
c3lloninja : My husband and I both moved for each other. I was from the east coast with a long term goal of living in West Virginia (cave central). He didn’t want to live in the crowds and humidity or so far from family. He lived on the west coast with a large, close family. I didn’t want to live where there are so many types of natural disasters and politics I don’t agree with (neither did he, regarding the latter). So we determined the southwest was a place we both liked and could handle. He doesn’t see his family as much as he was used to and I had to drop a hobby I love. Aside from that, it worked out well.
In your situation, if you really want to attend grad school, then go for it – it’s only temporary. See if your relationship can stay strong through a hit like that. Make plans to get together consistently and get the degree you are looking for. Your alternative is to always look back and wonder “what if”
Post # 11
My Fiance moved for me, then he had to move back home (long story), then I moved for him. Our moves were much farther than yours (10,000+ miles!). There’s been zero resentment on either side. Our relationship has always been our priority, and while moving is never easy – honestly it was wayyy easier than long distance, which we did for 14 months.
Definitely talk to your SO about it. He might say exactly what you’d expect. Or he might surprise you.
Post # 13
can he not apply for higher positions as he gains experience? he doesn’t need to keep applying for lateral jobs if he changes companies.
Post # 13
Yes! We had been dating for 2.5 years as well and I was offered a 1 1/2 year term with the company. I really liked the guy but was paranoid of committment, so I told him I’d love it if he could come, but understood if he couldn’t. He came (left his parent’s basement!) and now we’ve settled in permanently and are getting married in October.
There were definitely some growing pains though (didn’t really know anyone, tough on him to find a job, my monthly stipend went to that for a while, and we ended up not being able to save like we thought we could) but I think we really grew as a coupe because of it.
Post # 14
Yes! Moved to another country for me!
Post # 15
c3lloninja : We haven’t needed to, but I would most definitely do it. And I know he would. We are together forever and we will move wherever need be. Most likely I would be the one who would move and he would follow.