Post # 137
No. I would have found any conversation about permission to be silly because:
1.)I personally think the tradition is antequated and insulting to the bride to be. 2.) I’m 40 and Fiance is 43, we are definately capable of making our own decisions. 3.)We also live 1400 miles from my dad. Fiance has only met him twice: once my mother was in the hospital and the second time was at her funeral. They don’t know each other and it would make no sense for him to “bless” or give permission to someone he doesnt’ know.
Post # 138
He didn’t ask, really, but he did inform my dad that he was going to propose! My dad is super laidback, so he was just like “Oh, OK.” For me, it wasn’t about tradition or anything like that – I just wanted my parents to have a heads up that it was coming! My mom really appreciated it and thought it was sweet.
Post # 139
My fiance asked my parents and I am really glad I did. I am a grown, professional, independant person but in this case it showed me that he understood that our decision to marry was bigger than just the two of us – he wanted to formally involve my parents as well, which I think is just one more reason I know he is the right one. By the way, he sat his parents down as well before he proposed and got thier “blessing” too. I love him for that.
Post # 140
My fiance talked to my Dad before officially proposing (obviously, we had discussed it first). It had nothing to do with permission and everything to do with respect and the joining of families. He wanted my Dad to be confident that I would be loved, respected and treated right. My Dad passed away almost 2 months ago and I know he was very happy that he’d been able to have that ‘man to man’ discussion with my fiance, and it was one less thing for him to worry about.
Post # 141
@crisy003: No, because my father passed away way before I met Darling Husband. I was 13 when my dad died.
Darling Husband did consider asking my mother for her blessing but scratchd that idea very quickly because she ruins the surprise for everything
Post # 142
Darling Husband WANTED to ask my dad for his blessing, but since we live 4 hours+ from my parents, it was difficult for him to get my dad alone in time for his proposal date (our two year dating anniversary). It wasn’t really a big deal to me, but it was to Darling Husband.
ETA: I do have to chuckle at the thought of my Darling Husband then SO asking my dad for his blessing. My dad would be like, “Uh… ask her…” pointing to me. I just think that after a certain age (I was 30 when I got engaged), it just seems a wee bit weird to get a father’s permission.
Post # 143
No, he didn’t. Because I didn’t want him to. After 6 years being together and 2years living together, there was no need. We didn’t need a blessing or permission or anything of that nature.
Post # 144
@Kimberley25: Ah totally agree! Blessings and permission are two different things. I completely agree with blessings!
Post # 145
@crisy003: He didn’t, but only because I proposed to him. I did ask his parents, though. If I hadn’t, Fiance knew it was important for me out of respect to my parents that he ask. I would have preferred it be in the way my culture does it, but I told him that as long as it got done, it’s ok. Where my family is from, it’s customary to send a representative on your behalf to ask for the blessing. Like my uncle and grandfather went to speak with my moms parents.
Post # 146
No not my dad, because he is not a part of my life. But he asked my mom, who of course gave him her blessing!
Post # 147
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
No he did not. My father does not get to give permission on what I can and cannot do, which I feel is what asking ‘permission’ is… Effectively “allowing” me to get married. I’m an adult and need no ones “approval” or “permission,” nor does Fiance.
Some people say it’s a sign of respect… But I do not get that at all. To each their own.
Post # 148
Nope. I’m capable of deciding for myself whether I think it’s a good idea to marry someone or not!
Post # 149
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
3 weeks before he popped the question my now Fiance called my dad to say he wanted to speak to the family. He asked my dad, mok and sister equally bc he knows how much my family means to me. It ment a lot
Post # 150
@crisy003: I’m not sure if it’s controversy or just personal preferences or circumstances. I think the tradition is more common among younger couples, since way back when it started girls were getting married at 16 or 17 years old. I’m actually 23 but don’t see a need for it, personally. I wouldn’t have cared if FH asked my dad, but I think dad would have been really taken aback if that happened and probably would have told FH to ask me first. I imagine that’s how things would have gone down, anyhow. I don’t have sisters so there are no other chances for a guy to pose that question to my dad. Like I said, he told my parents what his plans were, and even asked my mom what kind of ring she thought I would like. I’m just happy my mom managed to keep this all a secret, lol.
FH is Serbian (I’m not though), and I believe in Serbian culture, the announcement of engagement to the public is typically more important than the man asking for permission to marry the woman (traditionally that still happens, especially in more religious families, but I think some people are getting away from it now). Announcement of engagement by means of a huge party is more important as it lets everyone know of your intentions to marry and it allows everyone to offer their blessings and prayers to the couple. Traditionally the parties are also public. We didn’t go that route though – we still had a huge party in traditional Serbian fashion but it was a private one, just our families and some friends.
Post # 151
No. This will be my 2nd marriage. My dad “shunned” me after I got divorced from my first marriage because he didn’t approve or care whether his daughter was happy or not….Well, he only speaks to me through texting, when it’s convienient for him or if he has a question about my kids. FI wanted to go introduce himself and tell him he was marrying me, but he didn’t know how I’d feel about it.
ETA: my sister also caused a lot of drama between me and my dad. She has drama vomit of the mouth and, well, I’ve just had enough of the two of them and their drama. so….i kinda just cut it out too..