(Closed) Did your SO ask your father for the blessing?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Did your SO ask for your father's blessing before proposing?
    Yes : (292 votes)
    59 %
    No (if not please tell me how come, PLEASE avoid negativity and sharkiness!) : (207 votes)
    41 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    139 posts
    Blushing bee

    I hadn’t really thought about it before we were engaged, but after he proposed he told me that my parents would already know since he had talked to my dad about it first. I thought it was sweet, I know that they wouldn’t have cared if he hadn’t, but the idea that he wanted their blessing and good wishes meant alot to me in the end. 

    I agree with @lia too, if it’s so old fashioned and out dated, then why do we still wear white and get walked down the aisle, and wear wedding bands? 

    Post # 33
    Member
    192 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Yes! He asked my parents 4 months before he asked me. I definitely did not see it as degrading to me. I felt it was more out of respect for my parents and how they raised me.

    For the proposal, he made a video featuring all of my family and friends, so literally EVERYONE I know knew about the proposal 2 months before I did. I can’t believe everyone kept it a secret!!

    Post # 34
    Member
    435 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Yes, he asked both my mom and my dad and I despised it. I had already told my husband how much that tradition urks me but he understood that it was important to his future father-in-law, and wanting to make a good impression, he did it anyway. ANNOYING!

    Although, to be fair, I realize that it was just to be polite. If my dad or my mom would have said no, we would have gotten married anyway. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    3025 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    I’m 43, so… no. But he says he did briefly consider it. 

    ON the other hand, he proposed in front of half of my family, including my dad. 🙂

    Post # 36
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My father had already passed away so he asked my mother.  It was out of respect for my mother but he asked her after we had already decided to get married.  🙂

     

     

     

    Post # 37
    Member
    2553 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Fiance did ask my dad, and I was surprised, I didn’t mind but I wouldn’t mind if he hadn’t.  I think the idea of my dad making decisions is rather silly considering I moved out on my own a long time ago.  I think it makes more sense for women who transition from their parents’ home to their husband’s and never live independently…haha come to think of it it’s a little like stealing a roommate that way, and if I had a friend who wanted to live with one of my roommates I think it’d be pretty nice of that friend to ask for permission, to give me time to find a new roommate or to decide if I can afford the cost of the house alone.  Now I’ve talked myself into asking for permission, because roommate stealing without a heads up is majorly rude 😉

    Post # 38
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m just going to throw it out there that my dad is slightly reserved, but I’m a daddies girl, and I have always thought that I wanted my SO to ask my dad for his blessing. In my eyes, it’s not like I won’t marry him if my dad says “no” so it’s really a frivolous step, but because my parents are divorced, I’ve also mentioned to my SO that I’d love if he asked my mom too.

    You know WHY? Because it will be a BEAUTIFUL and PRIVATE moment for my SO and his Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law without me. I think that they deserve that moment, because honestly, I know my parents love my SO, and there’s no doubt in my mind that they would ecstatic if he asked them. It’s not about him getting permission, or really about my parents saying “yes, it’s ok to get married.” 

    It’s about them being able to communicate without my influence, and I just feel like there’s something so romantic to me, about my SO feeling that he can have an open conversation with them about his plans.

    I don’t understand how that means I’m lacking in independance. So what if I want my SO to ask for my parent’s blessing? Most of you will wear a white dress on your wedding day and not be a virgin. Do what you want, it’s your wedding… But don’t insinuate that someone else shouldn’t because it would show a lack of independence.

    Post # 39
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    No. 

    My father is dead and my stepdad and mom aren’t old fashioned. We were adults and didn’t need anyone’s permission or blessing. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    7450 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I don’t know that he actually asked permission but he did stop by and kind of let them know which I thought was sweet.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2523 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    No, my family is out of state and he had only met him a couple of times.  Plus I’m a highly individualized person so it would have felt silly.  However, he did propose while we were in town visiting my family because he wanted them to share in our celebration 

    Post # 42
    Member
    1181 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @crisy003:  Not really. My parents knew Fi and I were going to get engaged around the time that we did. They both very obviously happy about it. My Fiance did intend to take them out and such but my parents said multiple times it was not necessary. We dated 6.5 years prior to getting engaged and lived together (in my parents basement apartment) for 3 years togther- so it was no shock to anyone, when we got engaged. They were very happy about it, and Fiance is pretty close with both of them- so I think he knew he had their blessing, even if he did not specifically ask for it. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    1896 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    No, he didn’t beforehand mainly because he didn’t trust my father to not tell my mother and he knew that my mother couldn’t keep it a secret from me.  In addition he’s never done this before and after we were engaged it just didn’t seem as important.

    Post # 44
    Member
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My husband asked for the blessing of my dad and step mother. My mother passed away or he would have asked her as well. For the record, he also discussed it with his parents. I didn’t really have an opinion on it one way or another. Everyone knew my entire family adored him. But I think my dad and stepmom liked it becuse it made them feel included. And I had already discussed us getting married with them, so they knew my opinion. And it turned out that I really liked it because it’s literally the only time in six years that my husband truly surprised me – I had no idea he had asked!

    I’m a bit surpised at the amount of heat this is receiving from some bees. Sure the roots of this tradition are sexist, but I don’t think it is sexist now. It’s not like my husband asked my parents instead of asking me. I wonder if brides that have a problem with asking parents for a blessing also have a problem with being walked down the aisle or taking their husband’s last name? Those both have sexist roots as well. Obviously this tradition isn’t for everyone and isn’t essential but I don’t think it’s all bad either. We’re both very close to our families and we looked for every opportunity to involve them in the wedding. This was just one more way.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2786 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Absolutely not. I would have been rather angry if I had found out that he had. The only person he needed to ask about my hand was me.

    Post # 46
    Member
    398 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    No. I told him not to. I’m an adult and don’t need my parents permission to marry. If he had asked, I’m pretty sure that’s what they would have told him, too.

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