Post # 62
He did not ask. He didn’t even talk to his own parents about it. We’ve been together 3.5 years and everyone knew it was coming, so he tried to make it as much of a surprise to everyone as possible. I would have been more surprised if his heart hadn’t been beating so fast! 🙂
Post # 63
Absolutely! I let him know I couldn’t accept a proposal my Dad didn’t approve of!
Post # 64
I don’t really love the symbolism of it anyway.
Fiance has a daughter and he jokes that if a man ever asked him to marry his little girl all he would tell him is “If you are asking me, no you cannot. Why don’t you go ask her”
Post # 65
Well, first off, my father passed away before Darling Husband and I even met.
Aside from that, I am one who finds the tradition outdated and rather insulting. It’s my decision, no one else’s.
Post # 66
@crisy003: My Fiance did not ask my dad’s permission.
My dad isn’t very.. traditional. He loves my Fiance and knew a proposal would be coming soon anyway.
I’m not at all hurt or disappointed by this.
Fiance said he had planned on asking my dad, but he proposed before he had the chance!
Post # 67
@peachykeener: I completely agree with you! I think some people are misunderstanding the tradition. It’s not about lacking indepedence or not being adult enough to make our own decisions. My SO has already ordered my e-ring (which he did not tell my parents) but he did ask for their blessing. I thought it was very important that my SO and my parents get along. My SO going to my parents to talk to them while I wasn’t in the room showed a great amount of respect and my parents really appeciated it. I absolutely do not see the tradition as being backward or sexist in any way. Thank you for your post, I’m very glad to see that there are people who think positively about this!
Post # 68
@sunflower22: I agree, sometimes it’s very good for the parents to have a say with us young brides! I’m only 21 and still live at home with my parents and they are paying for my education. They would also be the ones paying for a wedding, so the fact my SO went to them to ask for their blessing meant a lot to me and my parents. We aren’t conservative people, we’re actually quite liberal and non-religious. However, that being said, we still have a lot of family values and my parents are traditional when it comes to marriage.
Post # 69
Yes. It was important to me (I’m not sure if it was important to Dad) that my SO involved my family in our plans. He asked, and told my father approx. when he wanted to propose.
Post # 70
Nah. My family was well aware of our intentions, so asking just seemed unnecessary. I am 26 years old, and haven’t lived with my parents in a very long time. While I love my parents very much and have a great relationship with both of them and my step-parents, it really isn’t their perogative to “give permission” when it comes to me anymore. Just like my daddy walked me down the aisle, but he didn’t “give me away.”
I knew my parents loved my husband, and that was enough for me!
Post # 71
My dad passed away 2 months before I met my SO so he never got the chance. Otherwise I think he would have and I know my father would have said yes.
Post # 72
Blessing, yes. Permission, no.
Post # 73
@happilyeveraftergirl: I don’t see it at all as something like being sold like cattle. It was just a sign of respect to my parents. Nothing negative about it, I understand the idea that some people see this as backwards, but really it was just somewhat of a heads up to my parents letting them know that he was planning to propose soon.
Post # 74
Nope, for a few reasons: my father and I aren’t close, I’m an adult, plus my father is dead. I’m sure it’s different if someone is close to their parents.
Post # 75
Mine did and I was really glad! We’d been together 4 years and already lived together, so it really wasn’t necessary, but I’m the first kid to get married and it was really important to me that we had my dad’s full support.
Post # 76
@SpecialSundae: I don’t see it as the men agreeing to my future or auctioning me off in any way. It was simply a gesture of respect towards my dad. I see that not everyone follows this tradition, I’m very independent and chose the person I wanted to be with, I picked out my own ring, my SO simply picked out the diamond for the center stone on his own. We both knew that we wanted to be engaged, but having my parents support means a lot and letting them see that my SO cares about their support meant a lot. They don’t know that he’s already purchased a ring or when he will propose, he just brought it up casually saying, “someday in the future if I propose to your daughter, would you be ok with that?” Even if my dad wasn’t, my SO and I probably would have just eloped anyway.