(Closed) Did your SO ask your father for the blessing?

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Did your SO ask for your father's blessing before proposing?


    No (if not please tell me how come, PLEASE avoid negativity and sharkiness!)

  • Post # 78
    832 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    @crisy003:  no, because the decision to get married and spend our lives together is ours alone. Plus both Fiance and I are older, I’m 39, he’s 42….IMO this tradition seems like something more appropriate for the younger ie. 20-something couples. 

    Post # 79
    1934 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @crisy003:  First of all, congratulations on this very exciting phase of life!

    For me, the answer is no.  I too agree that I am my own independent woman and my father does not get a say.  I also feel that this tradition specifically reeks of an antiquated attitude towards women and their role in relationships.

    Also want to add that you said that you don’t see it being about lacking independence or not being adult enough, and then in the very next breath talk about how it’s good for young brides like you who are living home with your parents and having them pay for everything.  This is a pretty extreme contradiction and hopefully helps you see that maybe it really IS about independence. All that said, I know there are plenty of women living on their own who still want this.  It’s just a tradtion and some people attach different value to it.  To each their own!

    Post # 81
    219 posts
    Helper bee

    I originally wanted him to, but we had discussed the engagement for soooo long, and chose the ring together after months of looking at rings, it really felt like him asking at that point would have been false. We had already decided what we were doing (getting married!) so ‘asking’ would have been fake! 

    EDIT: just read through some of the comments so going to change what I had posted :/ the way it worked for us just seemed like it would come out false, but I certainly don’t think there’s anything wrong with anyone else who does it! Each to their own, we just chose not to. 


    Post # 83
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Yes, and I am 34 years old. I wouldn’t marry a man who didn’t have the stones and respect to do it. 

    Post # 85
    2529 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Yeah, he did.
    Well, after he asked all the other people in my life.

    He actually asked my entire family, and drove all over the state to do so.
    First he asked my mom (who pretty much raised me by herself – she was SO flattered!) then he asked my sister, then my uncle (who I consider to be a big role model), then drove to the shore to ask my dad… who replied “OK, you seem like a nice guy.” D’oh!

    He didn’t need the permission from anyone, but I really just wanted him to ask my mom because I knew it would make her happy (and sort of demonstrate how important she was in my upbringing).

    Post # 88
    89 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    No and I’m glad he did not because 1) I don’t like the meaning behind it and 2) I wanted to be the first to know. We had discussed this before so he knew not to! I’m sure he would have if he thought I wanted him to.

    Post # 89
    2253 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    DH called my father and asked for his permission which wasn’t really necessary. None of us expected it, but looking back, it was a nice gesture on his part. 

    Post # 90
    9831 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Nope. I am close with my parents but I’m a very independent person and would probably be a little insulted if he did ask my dad for permission. I’m a grown adult that can make my own decisions.

    Post # 91
    2167 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @crisy003:  Ahhh! I know that feeling! Its wonderful. Yes my Fiance asked my parents for their blessing. He would never have proposed to me without doing so first. He even told me quite seriously that if my parents had any concerns or wanted him to wait then he would not be able to go through with the proposal right away. It was very important to him that we had theri support. Of course they gave their blessing and it meant the world to them that he asked. It was done over the phone and Fiance told me later that he teared up and started crying a little and that he hoped my parents never heard that. haha. My sister’s husband never asked and while they have a great marriage and my parents love him, I don’t think my father has ever forgotten that he never asked for his blessing. 

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