(Closed) Did your SO/FI/DH ask permission for your hand?

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did your SO/FI/DH ask permission for your hand in marraige?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 62
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    I think it’s sweet!

    Post # 63
    Member
    1369 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Yea he did. My parents were out of state and he hadn’t even formally met my dad yet, so he called my younger brother (my dad doesn’t speak English very well), and then three way’ed my dad. Gave them the speech, my brother translated, etc. πŸ™‚

    Post # 64
    Member
    2297 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I would have been appalled if he had for my first marriage. I find the whole formal proposal thing sexist in so many ways, and having him ask my father for my hand would have been even worse. And for my second marriage, I was the one doing the proposing, and I certainly didn’t ask Notfroofy’s parents.

    Post # 65
    Member
    2933 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    He didn’t, but they knew we’d gone ring shopping a few months prior.  We’re also a little older (32 and almost 30.. gah!!) and own a home together. I’m pretty sure my parents could see it coming. That being said, I’m an only child and VERY close to my parents, so in hindsight a little part of me wishes that he had.  No big deal though – I’m just super excited to marry this man regardless of the details.

    Post # 66
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I have to brag on my Fiance for a minute here…  We were both living in MS and my parents are in IL.  On a weekend when I had to travel for work, he volunteered to keep my cat at his apartment and feed her.  Turns out he actually pawned her off on a friend, begged his commander for leave (he’s in the military and wasn’t supposed to be able to take leave at that point in his training), and flew to IL to ask my parents’ blessing (He stayed at the house, followed my dad around the farm, went to church with them, the whole shebang!).  He proposed a week later.  My mom had a horrible time keeping it a secret and threatened my brothers with their lives if they said anything to me about FI’s “random visit”!

    Apparently the conversation went something like this…  FI: “I’d like to marry your daughter” … Dad’s response: “Well what did she say??” … Fiance: “Um, I haven’t asked her yet.”  I guess they really appreciated his efforts to talk to them first, but ultimately knew the decision was mine.  I later heard from neighbors, my aunt, our priest, etc. how wonderful it was that Fiance asked for my parents’ blessing before he popped the question; my dad’s pretty reserved, but apparently he’d been telling everyone how impressed he was that Fiance did that.  I was impressed too. πŸ™‚

    Post # 67
    Member
    1123 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I’m not very close with my Dad so my fiance asked my mom, dad, and each of my brothers individually πŸ™‚

    Post # 69
    Member
    247 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    My DH asked both my parents for their permission/blessing.  They came to visit and during one of our beach walks he walked ahead with my Dad and asked him. Dad… ohhh dad… then yelled back to my mom and me and told her DH had something to ask her. Dad ushered both of us forward and DH basically had no choice but to ask my Mom in front of me. I still laugh thinking about it. The look on DH’s face was priceless, but in the end it was the sweetest moment. I had no idea he was planning to do that, and because we’re far away from my folks and had to let them in on our engagement over the phone, it was nice to share that moment in person with them.

    Post # 70
    Member
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Yes, but he asked both parents, and halfway considered having me there too. Ha!

    Post # 71
    Member
    4107 posts
    Honey bee

    my Fiance did not ask as he saw no reason to (and neither did i). all he needed was my permission and i said yes  πŸ™‚

     

    Post # 72
    Member
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My dad would have loved it, but that’s more than I can bend my own values to make him happy.  It wouldn’t have occurred to my Fiance to ask, anyway.  We’ve been together 9 years anyway.  I think our parents had already made it crystal clear what they were hoping we would do.

    Post # 73
    Member
    559 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    He did.  He said he’s so traditional that he might have to rescue me from a dragon before we get married.  I pointed out he’s done much better than that.  He held me through seizures and treated me with dignity through my memory lapses.  Put my hair up when I was spasming too badly to do it myself.  Carried me to his car to taken me to the ER at 2 AM.  

    My dad also thinks this is pretty awesome, so of course he said yes.

    Post # 74
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    No, he didn’t, and I would have been quite unhappy if he did. He did not need my parents’ permission or even blessing to ask me to marry him. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    2896 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Like other bees have mentioned, more of asking for a blessing rather than permission. Poor Fiance though, since my father is not in the picture, he asked my mom, my grandpa and grandma (who gave him the family ring I wear), my good family friends that I lived with and are my ‘faux mama and pops’, and I know my siblings all knew before hand, too. Poor guy, he had the rounds to make, but he’s a romantic. 

    Post # 76
    Member
    501 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    It is extremely outdated, and quite frankly, if Fiance had tried to ask my dad for permission, I’m pretty sure my dad would have been pretty pissed.

    I don’t belong to anybody, so why would he need my dad’s “permission”?

    Ugh.  I really don’t want to upset people but it really disturbs me how many women still allow this “tradition” to thrive.  It is so utterly sexist.  And when people say that this tradition shows “respect” to the father, well, how is it respecting YOU?  And your independence?  And the centuries of work women have done to give that independence, that freedom, and that equality to you?

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