(Closed) Did your wedding cost you any friendships?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
8066 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Nope, not in my wedding or any wedding I’ve been in (2).

Post # 18
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee

@Chani:  +1

I really prefer just to spend my time with Fiance and my BFF (not my MOH). I find so many women to still be so immature at my age 25 and I can’t bring myself to make friends with them.

I’ve got plenty of femal aquaintences, but only one true female friend. 

My 3rd Bridesmaid or Best Man (FI’s sister in law) had 8 bridesmaids, all of her closest female friends. I don’t know how she can stand being around that many women at one time as they often have girls nights where all of them are present. 

Post # 19
Member
1790 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, I didnt lose any over the wedding itself, but the wedding DID make me realize some (I thought) close friends had moved on with their lives, and that we were no longer friends. Which stung really bad because I felt like I had been a really great friend over the years. So, I actually felt more alone and abandoned during the long haul of engagement and wedding planning than I did before getting engaged.

Post # 20
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i lost a good friend too during her wedding. she was having a destination wedding and asked me to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. then a few weeks later after i’ve been researching wedding venues, hotels, flights etc, she said that since her Fiance didnt have any male friends that could afford to come to the wedding, and since he’s asked his dad to be the Bridesmaid or Best Man, she will ask her mom to be her Maid/Matron of Honor – cause you know. that’s only fair……:( then i was demoted to the ‘photographer’ LIKE WTF?! whatever, i said wasnt going to go. then she turned into the biggest bitch on this planet. her salary alone was in the 6 figure range. she made her parents remortgage their house just to pay for her wedding, she told me she would go wedding dress shopping with me – she didnt she went with her mother. she told me she paid for it – her mom confessed to me much later that SHE paid for it. so basically my ‘friend’ made her poor parents pay for everything. fine whatever. i offered to design her wedding invites, STD cards etc (i am a graphic designer) and print it and mail it for her and that would be my wedding gift to her – she went out a few days later and bought a box set of cards and printed them herself then told me i am not being a team player when i told her what she did upset me. i had it then and i lost it. we got into a fight and she turned really catty on facebook putting me down. i didnt care i just deleted her and blocked her. that was about five years ago. i still think of her and she has started reaching out to me through email (my email address hasnt changed in over 10 years) i’ve tentatively started talking back to her but i am still really pissed off at how she went from this strong feminist funny woman to this horrible creature that has put her family in debt (the wedding cost over $80k), lost a few friends all for the sake of WHAT? ONE day?! wow.. such a princess…..

 

Post # 21
Member
3975 posts
Honey bee

No lost friendships. All my friends seem pretty sane =) I’m also the first to get married out of all my best friends (late 20s) and most us have a pretty healthy dose of reality and perspective. It’s all been pretty chill so far. 

Post # 22
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@NATO:  I didn’t lose a friend over my wedding, but over a couple situations that happened before my wedding. She was never supportive of my relationship (even though she set us up!!) and she would do shady things like buy my Fiance lunch and show up at his office (they used to work together) and not tell me. He’d text me and be like, WTF shes here again and brought me food? The last straw was when a good friend of mine passed away and she said she was coming to the wake/funeral and no-showed/no called and then didnt talk to me for the next few weeks. 

Anyway, I am telling you this because I often think about her. I knew her since 9th grade and we were inseperable in our early to mid 20s. I always assumed she would be in my wedding and we hung out at least 2-3 times a week. I was basically another kid to her mom and the same with my family. She came on vacations with us and everything.

I have to ask myself a lot…do I miss her as a person, or having a close friendship with someone? I have thought about contacting her also and trying to rekindle our friendship – but then I really think..do I need the drama? Do I need the constant need for attention from her or the lack of support to my and FI’s relationship? And the answer is no. Sure, she was fun to hang with when we were both in our single and going out every weekend phase – but she never understood why I couldn’t see her every friday/saturday once Fiance and I started dating – or why it was weird when she invited herself out on our dates. She was selfish, needy and spoiled. Her true colors were shown when she didn’t bother to call me after my other best friend’s funeral as it sounds your friends were shown when she didnt understand why you needed to be with your dad.

Sometimes you don’t truly know someone until something awful happens. 

 

Post # 23
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@Akbridezilla:  I know what you mean about gaining some! One of my college roommates, who I see maybe once or twice a year, has been really helpful, offering to be in charge of my U.S. invitations, etc.  Funny how people you don’t expect end up being so THERE for you.

Post # 24
Member
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

That is awful!!! But to answer your question – no. I’ve never lost a friendship over a wedding. For my wedding, I didn’t even have any damage to any relationships. In fact a large number of relationships are stronger after the planning process/wedding day! The community feel of our wedding was very important to my husband and our. Our top priority was getting to share our wedding with all our friends and family. I also think it helped that I didn’t get offended easily and my wedding motto was “Care Less”. Because most things just aren’t worth getting upset over. And while I didn’t have high expectations for people helping (especially during the plannign process), we had a ton of friends and family that helped put the wedding together. We had lots of peope ask if they could help and I took them up on it. In fact, I just went through our guest list and of the ~140 adults that attended our wedding, I think 58 were actively involved in putting our wedding together either by baking a dessert, playing music, doing a reading, doing my hair, setting up on the morning-of, or helping me to frantically DIY the last of the items the night before the wedding! Actually, sitting in our suite with a dozen of our friends and family with everyone drinking and laughing while we all glued program fans, strung origami cranes onto fishing line and finshed the boutoniers was one of my favorite wedding memories. So I am definitely grateful that I had such a great experience and realize luck probably had something to do with it. But I also think it’s a matter of priorities. When you make people your priorities, you’re more likely to keep those friendships. But your dress might be a little wrinkly. Oh well.

Post # 25
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@NATO:  I did, but not in the bridesmaid/MOH department.

A male colleague just stopped talking to me when I got married. I thought we were friends and invited him to the wedding. He RSVPed “No” without any explanation and just stopped responding to my IMs.

I also cut off a “friend” after my wedding. Our “friendship” consisted mostly of her asking for favors and DH and I doing nice things for her and her BF. We invited her to our wedding to which she RSVPed “yes” past the deadline and then no-showed. A few weeks after the wedding, she gave some bs excuse that she mixed up the dates and thought it was date x (which also happend to be a Tuesday – not too common to have a wedding on a Tuesday…) when our wedding really was on date y. The fact that she couldn’t even properly RSVP and show up at our wedding after DH and I did so many favors for her really rubbed me the wrong way so I cut her out of my life. I’m too old to be dealing with flakes.

Post # 26
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

nothing too dramatic – i’m fairly newly engaged but it’s given me pause about two friends.

one is my oldest friend who i rarely see (i live overseas) but was pretty judgmental over the holidays when discussing wedding options. we belong to a country club that would have been beautiful and she said she ‘didn’t see us getting married there’ with a bit of an attitude and when we went to the rental place she said the chiavari chairs i liked were ‘the ugliest thing she’s ever seen.’ hm. she also refers to me as ‘her little sister’ which grates on me. i’m ot a child, nor am i her sister, and i’m not a baby – i’ll be a 26 year old lawyer when i get married next year! she frequently asks what she can help with as far as planning goes, and i reply, ‘don’t worry about it! my mum’s got it under control’ every time, because i want to avoid the conflict. if i have a bridal party she’ll be in it, but she’ll have zero responsibilities other than showing up in the dress because i would hate to fight over my wedding.

the other is an old friend that i feel i’ve been drifting from (we live very far away, haven’t seen her in 3 years probably) but we used to be very close. she is engaged, recently invited me to her destination wedding without my fiance (who she knows very well) and made some rude comments about that. she also made backhanded comments about my ring vs hers ‘look at you, kim k!’ ‘it’s so stupid to spend lots on a ring’ etc. and then gushes about how she can’t wait for my ‘fairytale’ wedding, i don’t even think i want to invite her at this point. on top of all of this tension she is adept at making herself the centre of attention and i can just see her getting drunk and making a scene, or wearing something totally innapropriate etc. 

it’s unfortunate. 

Post # 28
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I didn’t lose a friend because of my wedding… I have lost friends in other equally sad ways. I did, however, lose a lot of closeness with a couple, which was unfortunate, but entirely on them. I don’t even know if they’ve noticed and understood why it’s happened.

Post # 30
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@NATO:  Wow, NATO – just read your thread from 3 years ago.  Totally haunting because I’m in an identical situation on the bride’s side – my Maid/Matron of Honor is staying vigil for a loved on in the ICU right now.  But I just. can’t. comprehend. how your friend reacted the way she did. 

I’m totally devastated that my Maid/Matron of Honor is in such a horrific situation, and I’m incredibly worried for her loved one, and just tore up in general.  But my primary concern is taking care of her/supporting her in any way I can. 

I’m actually feeling really guilty for doing frivolous things like wedding planning when there’s much more serious things going on.  And it’s going to kill me to do stuff I always expected to do with my Maid/Matron of Honor without her, because I’ll know she’s not there for awful reasons.  But she wants me to keep moving on with planning, and I know the ICU patient would have wanted that too but jeez it’s hard.

I can’t imagine getting mad at my Maid/Matron of Honor – obviously an ICU stay is way more important.  Even if she can’t make it to any of the pre-parties, or get a dress, or even make it to the wedding itself, she’s still going to be my maid of honor.

I’m glad you cut her out of your life, and left room for people that aren’t totally horrible.

Post # 31
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yep. I wanted to invite all of my friends. I had two friends who refused to attend if another girl would be there – wouldn’t even give me their addresses (they’d both moved recently) so that I could send them an invite. I’d even asked one of those girls to be a bridesmaid – guess she forgot. My friendship with the other two girls had been rocky for a while and this just sealed it. 

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