(Closed) Did/do you have an overwhelming urge to have children?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

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peegee:  Haha! Well, if that’s the case, this little jelly bean inside me is in for a rough ride!

I always knew I wanted to be a mom at some point in my life, but I never had “baby fever” like this or how many have described it as an overwhelming desire to be a mom right now.  I knew it was something I wanted for my future but it was never a pressing issue for me.  

It was just something my husband and I talked about from time to time and ultimately I got to the point where my side of the conversation was “I’m ready now, how about you?” and about a year later, he was in the same boat, so we started TTC.  

Post # 3
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

HahahAhaha. shes an idiot (sorry). A lot of people only love their own kids, nieces/nephews and friends kids.   It doesn’t mean you’re not fit to be a parent. 

Post # 4
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

“Feverish” isn’t the only acceptable level of desire you have to have to want children. It’s okay to just know that you want to have them. That comment from your friend was a little insulting. There’s nothing wrong with how you feel. 

Post # 5
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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peegee:  TBH your friend would probably get on my nerves. It smacks of ‘if you don’t feel what I feel then you’re invalid and should just shut up and sit in the inferior corner’! Maybe I’m overreacting 😉 I’ve never had warm fuzzies around children that I can think of. Mostly just ‘please take your sticky loudness away from me and learn some manners’. But, when I see well behaved children in a nice pub or out on a family day out playing nicely I do get a bit maternal. A little girl got lost and was paraded across a lawn full of people via the jazz band recently – no-one came for her and there were multiple announcements! She looked so small and lost that DH and I were joking that maybe we should just take her home as she’s readymade and cute and at least she would feel loved!

But no, my ovaries do not physically leap out of my body at any man who looks like he might make half-good humans. I’m terribly sorry if that makes me less of a woman. Please ask your friend if she advises I get my tubes tied now, or later? I’m late twenties. Thank you.

Post # 6
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I have written before on here about how I had a major bout of baby fever in college. I was dating my Fiance back then, and I just suddenly out of nowhere went NUTS for kids. I thought about having babies all day and then I dreamt about it at night. I was not prepared at all to have children (I lived in a dorm!), and I seriously didn’t know the first thing about parenting. I told my Fiance (then boyfriend) and friends about it, and they all pretty much wrote it off as me being crazy, but I think if my Fiance would have been okay with it, I would have seriously started TTC. I didn’t experience any pain around kids though. It went on for several months and then it suddenly disappeared. I literally woke up one morning and was like “I guess having kids right now isn’t a good idea” and that was the end of it. I don’t know what that was and I don’t know how to explain it (biologically, psychologically, or otherwise), but it was all-consuming. As for whether or not baby fever has anything to do with actually wanting kids: no, I cannot imagine it does. Most women I know have never experienced it before, and the one woman I know who did experience it does not want to have kids any time soon (probably never). Also, even though I want kids soon, I had baby fever at a time in my life when I really really didn’t want kids at all.

Sorry your friend said that to you. There are few things more annoying than having an unqualified person try to school you on your family planning. 

Post # 7
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

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EDubbs:  My husband is like this – he is SO thrilled to become a dad, but he doesn’t give a crap about anyone else’s kids, not even my nephew – he’s just not that into kids in general, only his own! 

Post # 8
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Well, I am childfree, so no (just got sterilized this morning!). I obviously do not want children, and never felt the pressure of a clock ticking. Any urges I ever had were for sex…as a pure biological species, there is a reason we are given sex drives – to procreate. But as human being with brains, and these days birth control, we don’t have to follow our biological drives every moment. Especially because being a human parent to a human being is very different than being another mammal raising another mammal.

But I will say this:

Having children is a choice. I would rather someone like you who seems to want children, and has the wherewithal to think about it and not explain it down to “uterine pain” have children than someone who claims they must have children as their “ovaries ache” and tells other women who don’t feel that way that they obviously do not “want” children. Whether or not your “ovaries ache” is not what makes one ready to be a parent OR a good parent. Your friend may feel some biological urge to procreate but that is not the same as wanting/being prepared to be a parent, in my very humble opinion. She also sounds like a bit of an idiot for invalidating your feelings.

Post # 10
Member
2444 posts
Buzzing bee

There are a bunch of new babies around me right now!

I used to be I wanted kids eventually, no big deal. But now, with all these babies around me, I want a baby NOW. It has seriously caused me to realize how much I want kids!

Post # 11
Member
1859 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I have always wanted kids.  I started REALLY wanting kids once I knew my husband was “the one” and we started talking about marriage etc.  We started TTC as soon as we got married.  That said, kids are kids.  Sometimes adorable, sometimes annoying, whatever.  I think your friend is super weird and trying to boost herself up in some strange way.  Ignore her odd comments.  Obviously, having kids should be a well thought out rational choice.  Normal people do not have severe pain reactions to being around children.  If that were the case, I would be dead by now because I work in an elementary school…

Post # 13
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

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peegee:  not meeee! I like kids a lot, but I have NO desire to TTC, to carry a child, give birth to a child, etc.. If anything, I feel a little sad when I see Fiance with kids as he’d be a great dad, and the mom gene skipped me.

Post # 14
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

every.single.day

I have had baby fever for years, but this last 6 months it’s gone up a notch. I’m so excited, the time is now right and Fiance and I are on our 2nd month of TTC.

Post # 15
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I had really strong baby fever for years. 29 weeks pregnant now. While for me it was always a strong desire for a long time, I wouldn’t put that on other people. Not everyone has the same feelings about it, and just because someone doesn’t have an overwhelming feeling of wanting kids it doesn’t make the feelings they do have invalid. Everyone’s experience is different,  and one is not better than the other. I think your friend’s comment was rude and ignorant.

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