Post # 1
At the risk of sounding very tacky, I have a question about not receiving wedding gifts. We had our wedding a couple of months ago and have only received gifts from half the guests. We are certainly not holding it against anyone — we know these are hard times, and some of the guests had to travel across the country to attend the wedding. Honestly, we’re just happy that all our friends and family were there to celebrate with us.
Having said that, now that it’s two months out, we’re a little surprised at the number of people that didn’t give gifts (we had around 110 guests). I know some folks are just taking their time, but for curiosity’s sake, we’re wondering if it’s common to get gifts from half the guests? Especially these days? Hope this question isn’t too whiny or gauche. I’m seriously just curious to know.
Post # 3
Quick question: Did you have any showers? Several people who gave us gifts at a shower didn’t give us a wedding gift (which was fine with us).
Post # 4
I think the general rule of thumb is that you have a year to give a wedding gift. And I know a lot of people don’t like to take a gift to the wedding. Perhaps they’ve forgot. Or like amysue said, if they gave you a shower gift, maybe they considered it for both the shower and wedding. Otherwise, I would probably attribute it to the economy.
Post # 5
Nope, no showers or engagement parties. Just the wedding!
Post # 6
While I usually gift right away, the general rule is that you have a year to do it. If you are two months out I wouldn’t be super offended just yet. If certain people have already given a shower gift or something, I think that’s totally fine if they are strapped for cash to only give one gift. But honestly I don’t think the economy is an excuse to attend someone’s wedding and not give them a gift at all. IMO, you just don’t do that. I don’t care if you’re Out of Town and have to travel and stay in a hotel or any of that. You don’t have to get some over the top expensive gift, but you GIVE A GIFT, no matter how small, if you go to someone’s wedding. Period.
Post # 7
Thanks all for the feedback. It’s interesting to find out how different people feel about the whole gift-giving matter. It’s true, there are still technically 10 months left, so we’ll see. I’m in the same camp as Kittyachi — I like to give gifts right away, and I’ll give them no matter what. I know not everyone’s the same way, though.
Post # 8
Interesting. I can’t imagine seriously giving a wedding gift a YEAR later. Although that is what etiquette states, it just seems like the last thing anyone would be thinking about a year out!
Post # 9
That does sound very odd that 1/2 the guests didn’t get you anything! But I will add that I never send a gift before the wedding unless it’s for a shower. Also, to play devil’s advocate, some people (not me) argue that etiquette states you actually don’t have to give a gift at all. I think that phenomena would be more cultural though and you would know about it ahead of time.
Post # 10
IMO if they didnt give you a gift at the wedding, the chances of them giving you a gift after the fact is low, not saying it doesn’t happen but i think the chances are pretty low
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
You have a year, but who takes a year? I remember my Fiance (before he was my FI) telling me this… only it had been 14 months since the weddings he had taken me to and he hadn’t given a gift yet. Chances are anyone taking their time to give a gift after the wedding isn’t giving a wedding gift. I have always given a gift at least a month before, unless I brought cash to the wedding itself.
Post # 12
Not to panic you, but is it possible that some gifts were lost, stolen, or sent to the wrong address? That does sound pretty odd to me. If I were you, I’d send out thank you notes to everyone who came, thanking them for coming – they serve the purpose both of thanking your guests for celebrating with you, but they also will raise a red flag if any guest gave a gift that you never received.
Post # 13
Hmm, I would be wondering about this as well! We had 4-5 guests not bring gifts to our wedding, and we realized it right away. Seems so strange. It’s hard to follow up on that in the case something happened to the gifts, if people really just didn’t purchase them! Is it common for people in your circle to send gifts late?
Post # 14
Wow! We only had one guest not bring a gift to the wedding who came. And he was a poor college student! I only know this b/c i had to go through my wedding address book and write in who gave me what so I could keep it straight. Maybe they got stolen at the reception? It just sounds weird. i mean, i thought almost everybody brought a wedding gift!
even the guests at my showers brought wedding gifts with their husbands. can you look on your registry and see who got you what, then match that up with what you received? that might tell you something. For my Williams-Sonoma registry, I can tell who got me what gift
Post # 15
I am in a similar boat. I had about 5 couples out of 50, not bring a gift. I’m wondering to myself whether I lost them or whether they just dind’t bring them? Half of them are out of town. I was told if someone has to book a flight and accomodatoins, then their presence is your gift. is that true? And is it ok to send them a note saying:
"Hey, I was so happy to have you at my wedding. I was giong through the gifts and I may have lost yours. Its ok that you dind’t bring a gift but I wanted to check in just in case."
I’m more concerned if they spent a lot of money, or wrote a big check, and wonder why we didn’t send a thank you note.
Post # 16
about 25% (1/4!!) of our guests did not give us gifts. of those people, about half did not even bring or mail a card. i think its tasteless, but not everyone does (obviously). Our wedding was about 2 months ago and still no gifts.