Post # 32
@mskalinin I agree!! There are maybe 2 out of hte bunch I can unserstand. No one had to travel to come to our wedding, it was all local and just family.
@ Krista (i think) – I wasn’t going to mention anything that you did not send a gift, thats just tacky. But maybe ur right, it will spark their memory, maybe it did get lost or opps i didnt bring one.
Post # 33
Did you take into account people who were a couple? Like if my fiancee and I came, we would only bring 1 gift, not two even though we are two people type deal?
Post # 34
Wow. I would NEVER EVER EVER show up without a gift, no matter how dirt poor I was. Even one of my super poor bridesmaids got me 2 bottles of inexpensive wine that I like. YUMMY. C’mon $20? Sometimes it is the THOUGHT that counts and that thought is sometimes a gift, even if it’s a really cheap one!
I know weddings shouldn’t be about the gifts, etc etc, but uh, I’d die before I went to a wedding giftless. I still give my husband crap for attending an army buddy’s wedding very impromptu sans gift. My mom would ask me if I was raised in a barn and where my manners were. Just not how I was raised! I know there are lots of factors, but geesh.
Sorry ladies! Only one person at our wedding didn’t bring a gift, but I DID send him a note b/c he’s a good friend of mine. He really is super poor and buried in loans and had to get a hotel room though. But he’s in college! I think that can be an exception…i always gave really inexpensive gifts when i was in college. I dressed up a bottle of wine as a bride and groom once. =]
Post # 35
From an etiquette website:
Guests are not required to bring a wedding gift to the wedding which is one of the reasons you should never make mention of gifts with your wedding invitation. However, social etiquette indicates that if you are invited to a wedding you should send a gift to the couple whether or not you plan to attend.
The “older generation” really expects to give gifts at the bridal shower, not the wedding.. so if they weren’t invited to a shower, that is probably why you didn’t get a gift.
Post # 36
I don’t think you sound tacky. I don’t know where those etiquette websites get off or who invented that. It’s a huge party and a very important one, of course you should bring a gift. I would consider it tacky if the guest didn’t GIVE a gift.
Post # 37
I personally am the type that takes a host gift to a dinner party, I would never not purchase a wedding gift to a wedding I went to. I have not received a thank you card from people we have gifted which I thought was SOOOOOO rude.
Post # 38
Our wedding was last Saturday and there were about 6 people that we did not receive gifts from. I am used to bringing gifts to the wedding, and I think most people I know are, too. I am confused, because the people that didn’t bring gifts seem odd to me. Good friends, member of the wedding party, family… it just seems strange.
One of the few is a good friend from high school who would have been the next person in line to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man if we had had 1 more couple. She was just married this past spring and we gave a shower gift and a generous wedding gift… so I am scratching my head especially at that one.
I am more in the camp of what to do with Thank You’s… did they send a gift/card and it got lost? Do I still send a thank you to them for attending the wedding? I don’t know what to do either…
Post # 39
tenmylove: It’s tricky about what to do. Since there were so few who didn’t bring gifts, I sent them thank-yous for coming. And I meant it, and more importantly I know they know I meant the thank-you.
If you are happy your good friend attended, thank her for that. If you are too hurt by her not getting a gift, then don’t send any thank-you note. She didn’t get a gift, so no thank-you note is required.
And someone (sorry, can’t remember who) has said the older generation will give a shower gift instead of a wedding gift. I think that depends heavily on where you live. Where I live, the older generation always got a shower gift separate from the wedding gift. (Maybe it’s a southern tradition to give the shower gift instead of the wedding gift?) So it sounds very much different based on geography as well as etiquette. (So it just goes to show etiquette is also geography-based.)
Dogdays (the starter of this thread), what did you end up doing?
Post # 40
I live in Quebec, Canada and it is very different here. Since there are the french speaking and english speaking people their traditions are very different. Since I am from both I am very confused!
English side: They do a wedding shower with the bride and groom. They also do an engagement party. They tend to give gifts to all three events. There is usually a registry.
French side: There is no engagement party, no wedding shower, no registries. Apparently if they do a kind of get together everybody brings a canned food item to “built their house together”. There are only cards given at the actual wedding with money and/or cheques inside.
The french side seems really cheap. When I mentionned this to my father who is french he said that not everybody has money to buy things for a wedding shower. My mom who is from the english side does see the wedding shower as a must, but feels awkward about the whole gift registry/giving gifts for the wedding shower.
So I am basically not having a wedding shower or an engagement party. We’re having a BBQ with the bridal party to get to know each other and that’s it. I’m disappointed with this, but oh well.
So I guess it depends on the guests’ background maybe???
Post # 41
- Wedding: August 2009 - Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
We are in the same boat. We only got gifts from about half our guests. We had a bunch of people tell us to expect gifts on the 364th day.
Post # 42
We had a total of four guests that didn’t give us gifts out of the 43 people that came to our wedding. Some were unexpected, but some were definitely expected.
Post # 43
- Wedding: May 2021 - Hotel Vitale
Jumping on this band wagon, we are 3 months from the wedding and missing gifts from half the guests. A few folks have mentioned getting us gifts soon, but they still haven’t materialized, which is fine at least I know they are thinking about it. It’s the people who haven’t mentioned everything that bothers me.
Do you really send thank yous to people who don’t give you gifts????