(Closed) Didn't get invited to the reception…do I still have to gift?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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starryeyed0590:  You are never obliged to give a wedding gift. I would send her the greeting card.

Post # 3
Member
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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starryeyed0590:  Like PP said, you never have to gift. I would just send the greeting card and use the gift card for someone else (or yourself).

Post # 4
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

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starryeyed0590:  I completely share your sentiments. .In your shoes I would give the gift.  It will help you put it behind you because otherwise you’ll continue to question yourself about whether or not you did the right thing.  And taking the high road always makes you feel better about yourself.   I tbink what she did was weird and cheap  but give her a show of “honest” and “genuine “

Post # 5
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

No way in hell would I give her the gift. You contributed to the group gift and showed up an hour out of your way to the ceremony. You’ve done more than enough. 

Post # 6
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

The gift isn’t required, or necessary. A card will do nicely, imo. And I applaud your efforts to be graceful in the face of someone else’s tacky behavior.

Taking the high road can be difficult (it’s a tough climb!) But in the end you can look down and be glad of it.  You can’t regret not getting caught up in the muck on the low one. 

Post # 7
Member
5407 posts
Bee Keeper

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starryeyed0590:  Okay, wait, I’m a bit confused. Your wrote about how there was, “no mention of reception” and then, “some guests drove off to a secret reception location”. So was there really a reception but you were not invited to?

Post # 8
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You already contributed to the group work gift, and you weren’t invited to any reception. I wouldn’t feel obligated to give a gift. 

Post # 9
Member
3883 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

A card congratulating her on is sufficient.

Post # 10
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee

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starryeyed0590:  I would do what Pps are saying. Your not obliged to give a gift, you’ve already contributed towards a gift and went out of your way to go to this wedding. I would say you have done enough personally, just send her a card of congratulations. You don’t owe her anything more, particularly after being spoken to by people at her wedding to respect her wishes and move on.

Post # 11
Member
5407 posts
Bee Keeper

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starryeyed0590:  I think I’m getting the picture here after reading your post again. So only some of the people who attended the ceremony where invited to the reception and some were not. So where did she draw the line? And are you supposed to be some mind reader that you aren’t invited to the reception at all since it is common etiquette to invite all guests?  I’m quite pissed for you. Some bees write here on other threads how the ceremony should be the more important part of the wedding day rather than the reception but I think it is ruder to invite you only to the ceremony but not to the reception. What’s this?…”you’re good enough to see met get married and maybe bring me a gift but not good enought to celebrate with me afterwards?!?”…F-that. Don’t give her the gift card and save it for someone else for another occasion who deserves it.

I have attended about 3 weddings where I was not invited to the ceremony BUT was invited to the reception. That’s because the first one was a ceremony in a temple were only the religion’s church members were allowed to enter but he had a restaurant reception afterwards where everyone came in the evening. The other two couples wanted an elopement ceremony out of the country but later on had a full reception when they came back home. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  socalgirl1689.
Post # 13
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

No you should not give a gift.  A card alone is sufficient. You already went above and beyond for this couple.  

Post # 15
Member
4036 posts
Honey bee

If I drove a 2-hour round trip, and wasn’t able celebrate afterwards, I’d be pretty steamed. In fact, you’d have to be fairly close to me, for me to make that drive.

I’d say that if you already have the greeting card, send it, but nothing else.

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