Post # 1
I thought long and hard about who to include in my bridal party. I only wanted a small bridal party anyway.
I ended up choosing my two best friends in the entire world (one as Maid/Matron of Honor, the other as a bridesmaid). My 3rd bridesmaid is a close friend.
I chose them because all 3 are my age, single, and extremely helpful. They’re easy going and have fully lived up to their responsibilities.
I have an elder sister and we were never really close. We fought a lot. She did not have a bridal party at her wedding so i wasn’t a bridesmaid. She didn’t invite me to her hens night. (Admittedly, we were in different countries). My sister has 2 children and is struggling financially.
Now that i am going through the wedding planning process, my sister has actually been really supportive and pleasant. She has helped me pick my wedding dress and has generally been quite helpful.
I have appointed my sister as MC as she is quite funny and liked. She will also be saying a speech. Her two sons are my ring bearers.
But now i’m feeling really guilty about not making her matron of honour or a bridesmaid. I also think she is quite hurt by my decision.
Did i do the wrong thing? What do i do to fix it?
Post # 3
Mmmm that can be tough. She IS your sister. Talk to her about it and see what she says.
Post # 4
Are you not able to add another bridesmaid?
Post # 5
It doesn’t seem like she’s hurt by it, so don’t ask her if it’s just out of guilt. If you’re feeling closer to her now and you want her to be in that role for your wedding then ask her now and see what she says. I don’t think you did anything wrong in not picking her to begin with though. You should definitely choose the people you’re closest to for your bridal party.
Post # 6
@sharontobemarried: I was in the same boat…I initially didn’t ask my older sister. It was mostly for the same reasons, we weren’t as close and I didn’t think it would matter to her.
When I started wedding planning she jumped in and helped so much, and happily and excitedly! It made me so happy. I feel like this experience of getting married is bringing us closer together. And so I asked her. Sure it was a little late, but I’m SO glad I did.
I would have regretted not asking her, but I will never regret having yet another person who loves me, standing by my side on my wedding day.
I think you should ask her…this could really bring you guys much closer and I’m sure she will be thrilled by the gesture.
Post # 7
I had a similar issue. My sister and I aren’t close for a variety of reason. No bad blood, just not great friends. I struggled a lot over it – I wanted her to participate in my wedding in a meaningful way, but I also just couldn’t envision her at my bachelorette party or getting ready with me the morning of my wedding.
So I came up with two options – she could either do a reading during the ceremony (which is the meat of the wedding, so it would be really meaningful for her to do that), or she could be a bridesmaid. I just called her up, gave her both the options, and let her pick (with my full blessing on whatever she chose). She picked the reading – she’s not close with any of my other friends that are bridesmaids, she knows she wouldn’t enjoy the bachelorette/prepping, and she likes public speaking, so it seemed right up her alley to do a reading.
I still struggle a little with guilt over her not being in my bridal party, but I keep reminding myself that it was entirely her decision. She is going to be doing what she feels most comfortable with, and it will definitely be meaningful. This is what is going to make both of us the happiest on my wedding day.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, is this something you could try with your sister?
Post # 8
My sister is 8 years younger than me. While I have friends that are “closer” to me, I still made her Maid/Matron of Honor. Yes it almost doubles my workload (because she is young and doesn’t really know what to do), but family is family. We have never been closer now and I am happy I did it.
Post # 9
I think you’ve included her enough. You’ve honored her with a reading and other speaking roles…you’ve honored her sons with the ring bearer roles, and you’ve discussed the wedding with her on and off, and it seems to have made you closer! I honestly wouldn’t mess with the situation at all. Write her (and your bridesmaids, etc) a heartfelt thank-you note for everything, and I think that it will be a meaningful experience for everyone involved.
Post # 10
Thanks for the tips guys. I still can’t fight that sinking feeling that she is my sister and maybe she should be there with me. I’ll discuss it with fiance and my Mum and see what they both say.
Post # 11
I’d say ask her, especially if you think it will help solidify a happier relationship. This could be a great opportunity to become closer 🙂
Post # 12
I think you did the exact right thing and unless she expresses that she is upset about not being in the wedding party (which it doesn’t seem like she isn’t) I wouldn’t think about it.
She and her children are still involved and in a less financially taxing way. I think you did great!
Post # 13
If I were your sister, I’d be thrilled with how you worked it! Since her sons are ring bearers, she’s still an honored guest of the wedding party, but without expensive or time-consuming responsibilities. It sounds like she is making an effort to be supportive of your day. What more can you ask? I think your decision was perfect.
Post # 14
Oops, one more thing: it would be a nice touch to give her a nice gift (perhaps even the same as your bridesmaids’) to thank her for her support.
Post # 15
I think you should make her your matron of honor but make sure the burden isn’t on her financially – meaning she can continue to support you, but not neccesarily help pay for the bridal shower etc, this way she gets honored without the burden and you won’t have to worry abt how it affects the friendship..
Just say, I know we have had our ups and downs and I thought you would be too busy to be too involved in the planning process but I really appreciate you coming with me to pick a dress and offering your support and help. I would love to honor you as the matron of honor if you will have it.
Hope that helps.
Post # 16
I’ll preface this by saying I don’t have sisters so can’t claim to know how sisterly relationships work but my SIL didn’t have either of her two sisters in her wedding party (she had four close friends… they looked like duplicate dolls! lol). One did a reading and I’m guessing the other chose just to attend as a guest (she’s quite shy). They’re close but all three are totally different in their own ways. I don’t see why you should feel obliged to have your sister if you’re not close. I think it’s nice you’re including her in other ways…