(Closed) Didn’t Receive Wedding Gifts from Some… Follow-up?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 22
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Most etiiquite sites I’ve seen say the 1 year thing is a myth and that really 3 months is proper ettiquite. The stores we registered with (Crate and Barell, Macys etc) only gave us a completion discount for 6 months after the wedding so even the stores think you should have everything within 6 months. HOWEVER, a lot of people think they have a year so they do wait. We received our last wedding gift a week before our six month anniversary. There are still several people we haven’t received wedding gifts from almost 7 months after our wedding. Three of them have said at some point the are going to get us something they just haven’t yet.The rest I expect we will never receive anything from.

That said, I’m from the “you always send a gift if you attend” camp and usually even if you can’t attend. But that’s me. And I always purchase the gift before the wedding (even if it’s just the day before!) However, not everyone follows this. I’d say abotu 15% of our guests have not sent gifts.

A friend of mine who also believes in the always sending a gift if you attend rule was married several years before me and told me she still remembers the people who didn’t give her wedding gifts. And, it’s true, I know exactly who those people are and I probably will never forget. So as a guest, give the bride and groom something even if its small, otherwise you end up on the “didn’t give a gift” list in the bride’s mind forever.

Do not say anything to those who have not sent gifts though and do not send a thank yous just for attending – thank you cards are sent for gifts only (otherwise you’re sort of presuming they aren’t sending a gift and they may be sending one late.) Personally I think its bad ettiquite not to send a gift, but it’s even worse ettiquite to call someone out on it.

 

Post # 23
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Gemstone:  Agreed.

Post # 24
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@KatNYC2011:  I agree with this!

Post # 25
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There’s no way to follow-up on this.  I do understand your frustration.  It’s pretty lame for someone to come gift-less or at the very least without a card, when you’ve thrown a huge party and provided them with free food and drinks! :

Post # 26
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hmmm, I probably could have found a way to be just as educational without ripping OP a new one.  How about ‘ladies, there is a search field over to the right.  if you have a question about anything, I always start there before I post a new thread.  It helps because you have years of answers.’  I don’t think it’s snarky, I think it’s helpful.  I just said it dripping with estrogen.  And PMS is not an excuse…it’s just an annoying b*tch of a fact.  Let’s move on, shall we?

For the record, I would never show up to ANY type of function empty handed.  Period.

Post # 27
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@WillyNilly:  I agree, I don’t know how people can do that…I’d be embarassed

Post # 28
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Cards and gifts are never required and you will look very greedy if you go asking about them. Guests have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift or a card, and it’s highly likely that they were not financially able get anything at the time of the wedding. There is no law that says someone can only be admitted into the event if they have a gift in hand. Leave it alone and get to your thank you notes asap for everyone, regardless if they brought a gift or card. You can send additional thank you notes for late gifts when they arrive.

Post # 29
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Actually, you can follow up but not directly. I attended my friends wedding and got them a gift and the bride emailed me a few weeks later and said “Hey do you know if (our other friend) got us a gift? We haven’t gotten anything yet and we know she was going to give us something but don’t want to put her on the spot”. Turns out, that friend DID get them a gift but hadn’t given it yet – so I told the bride to expect something soon. Problem solved!

So if there’s another wedding guest whose gift you’ve already received would know about the person in question, go ahead and ask them.

Post # 30
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@lessthan3:  Hey, can you site your sources for the 3 month thing?  That’s interesting.

Post # 31
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

You still come across as gift grabby if you make ANY mention of wondering where a gift might be.

Post # 32
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it depends on who they are. My daughter didn’t get a card from a good friend or my neice, and was sent a set of towels from her registry with no name on them. The ony way to find out who sent the towels was to call around to those who hadn’t given anything as the store wouldn’t give out the information. My neice left her card in the glovebox by accident when they switched cars, and the friend left hers at home (her Mom called to let her know since it was a DW), and the towels were sent from an older Uncle on the groom’s side.

When there’s something missing from only a few people who always give gifts, its hard not to find out if something was forgotten or misplaced. Her wedding was small with only close friends and family, so no one was offended…they were apologizing for being absent minded.

Its a myth they have a year..guests have 3 months as was previously stated.

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/family/etiquette/sending-wedding-gift

Post # 33
Member
4149 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your wedding JUST happened (congrats BTW!) so I wouldn’t worry about it this soon.  My Fiance and I tend to send our wedding gifts the month or so after.  Technically, guests have a year to get their gifts to you, although that does seem like a very long time.  But I have definitely sent gifts a few months after.  🙂

Post # 34
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs.  Give them time.  We waited a few weeks last summer to get friends of ours a gift.  (I do hope they received it because we definitely didn’t get a thank you, and we don’t see them a lot so I wouldn’t want to call and be all WHERE IS MY Thank You NOTE??)

And, some people just don’t give gifts.  Maybe their finances aren’t the best.  Maybe they don’t want to.  It does happen, and while it is a nice gesture to give a gift at a wedding it is not required.

Post # 35
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It would be beyond rude to follow up right now.

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