(Closed) Didn’t Receive Wedding Gifts from Some… Follow-up?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@JlovesM  LOL!  I’ll hook you up!

Post # 18
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with PP. There is really no way to ask for the gift. If they did send a gift, when you send your thank you to them for coming to the wedding they will know that you didn’t get it. Plus maybe they just didn’t send it to you yet, they do have a year after all.

 

On a side note, although gifts arem’t required at weddings, I still think it is strange when people don’t give them. As a guests of the couple wouldn’t you be happy for them and want to give something, big or small. I know that everyone has their reasons and it is way more common then I ever thought but I know I would never show up to a wedding empty handed. Even if they said no gifts, I would donate to a charity for them or something. – okay, I’m off my soap box. Sorry

Post # 19
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

A guest doesn’t have to give a gift and to echo the PP’s I would definitely not be following up. If they didn’t send you a gift, then that’s it, and move on. Eventually with no thank you they may inquire from someone else who did receive one and eventually you’ll get word that their gift wasn’t received. 

Post # 20
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@peacegrl099  I actually agree (and I’m scared for the comments that may arise – eeek!) – and I’m surprised more people don’t say this.  You wouldn’t show up to a birthday party without a gift, and those happen every year!  So why do people think it’s OK to not gift (big or small, just SOMETHING) for a wedding?  It’s one thing if there’s a money issue… but otherwise, I honestly find it strange not to give some sort of gift.

Back to OP – I once bought a gift for a couple eight months after the wedding.  I felt awful, I simply kept forgetting!  One day I just sucked it up, bought a gift card online, and sent a text apologizing for the late gift.  Even though you have a year, it still felt weird and I felt like a jerk.  So you never know, some guests may be late birds!  

EDIT – Just to clarify, I don’t think it’s ok to ASK for gifts.  But as a guest, I consider it an absolute MUST to give a gift.  

Post # 21
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@peacegrl099  You hit the nail on the head. 

I feel that it is incredibly rude to attend a wedding without getting the couple a gift at some point (in my area it’s not uncommon to give the gift before the wedding or at the shower), but it would be equally rude for you to bring it up. If their gift was lost, I think they’ll get the hint when there is no mention of a gift in the thank you note. If not, there really isn’t any way to force people to behave properly. 

 

Post # 22
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Most etiiquite sites I’ve seen say the 1 year thing is a myth and that really 3 months is proper ettiquite. The stores we registered with (Crate and Barell, Macys etc) only gave us a completion discount for 6 months after the wedding so even the stores think you should have everything within 6 months. HOWEVER, a lot of people think they have a year so they do wait. We received our last wedding gift a week before our six month anniversary. There are still several people we haven’t received wedding gifts from almost 7 months after our wedding. Three of them have said at some point the are going to get us something they just haven’t yet.The rest I expect we will never receive anything from.

That said, I’m from the “you always send a gift if you attend” camp and usually even if you can’t attend. But that’s me. And I always purchase the gift before the wedding (even if it’s just the day before!) However, not everyone follows this. I’d say abotu 15% of our guests have not sent gifts.

A friend of mine who also believes in the always sending a gift if you attend rule was married several years before me and told me she still remembers the people who didn’t give her wedding gifts. And, it’s true, I know exactly who those people are and I probably will never forget. So as a guest, give the bride and groom something even if its small, otherwise you end up on the “didn’t give a gift” list in the bride’s mind forever.

Do not say anything to those who have not sent gifts though and do not send a thank yous just for attending – thank you cards are sent for gifts only (otherwise you’re sort of presuming they aren’t sending a gift and they may be sending one late.) Personally I think its bad ettiquite not to send a gift, but it’s even worse ettiquite to call someone out on it.

 

Post # 23
Member
9966 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Gemstone  Agreed.

Post # 24
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@KatNYC2011  I agree with this!

Post # 25
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

There’s no way to follow-up on this.  I do understand your frustration.  It’s pretty lame for someone to come gift-less or at the very least without a card, when you’ve thrown a huge party and provided them with free food and drinks! :

Post # 26
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hmmm, I probably could have found a way to be just as educational without ripping OP a new one.  How about ‘ladies, there is a search field over to the right.  if you have a question about anything, I always start there before I post a new thread.  It helps because you have years of answers.’  I don’t think it’s snarky, I think it’s helpful.  I just said it dripping with estrogen.  And PMS is not an excuse…it’s just an annoying b*tch of a fact.  Let’s move on, shall we?

For the record, I would never show up to ANY type of function empty handed.  Period.

Post # 27
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@WillyNilly  I agree, I don’t know how people can do that…I’d be embarassed

Post # 28
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

Cards and gifts are never required and you will look very greedy if you go asking about them. Guests have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift or a card, and it’s highly likely that they were not financially able get anything at the time of the wedding. There is no law that says someone can only be admitted into the event if they have a gift in hand. Leave it alone and get to your thank you notes asap for everyone, regardless if they brought a gift or card. You can send additional thank you notes for late gifts when they arrive.

Post # 29
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Actually, you can follow up but not directly. I attended my friends wedding and got them a gift and the bride emailed me a few weeks later and said “Hey do you know if (our other friend) got us a gift? We haven’t gotten anything yet and we know she was going to give us something but don’t want to put her on the spot”. Turns out, that friend DID get them a gift but hadn’t given it yet – so I told the bride to expect something soon. Problem solved!

So if there’s another wedding guest whose gift you’ve already received would know about the person in question, go ahead and ask them.

Post # 30
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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@lessthan3  Hey, can you site your sources for the 3 month thing?  That’s interesting.

Post # 31
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

You still come across as gift grabby if you make ANY mention of wondering where a gift might be.

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