(Closed) Didn’t think I would have BM drama. I was wrong. HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll:
    harsh, but she needs it; just hit send : (10 votes)
    22 %
    too harsh, I've got some advice for you below : (35 votes)
    78 %
    other, see below : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    It sounds too harsh, like you’re ordering her around. Can you just call her and politely (but firmly) ask her about the money? The plane ticket is stickier subject, since it’s not really your business, but you can just ask if they’ve bought it yet because you want to be sure they’ll make it. 

    Also, I realize it’s a little late for this, but lending money that you can’t afford to lose is never a good idea. Hopefully she has it and will pay you, but I’d start making a back-up plan in case she can’t/won’t pay.

    Post # 4
    869 posts
    Busy bee

    Sorry, I think it sounds a bit harsh.  To be honest, if I received this text, I’d likely think twice about going ahead with being in the wedding.  I agree with PP – it sounds like you’re ordering her around.  I’d say call her and ask her politely.  

    Post # 5
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I’d leave the first couple sentences and that’s it. you need to ask her about the dress money, but you also don’t want to be entirely off-putting…. maybe…

    I love you more than anything, and I really hate to do this, but I need to check in with you about a couple things.  I need you to pay me back the $185 for the dress – I just sent the check, and I really don’t have that money to cover it right now.  Please let me know that you and xxx still plan to get your tickets and come to the wedding.  You’ve always been there for me, and I want to keep that up πŸ™‚


    Post # 7
    2869 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Let us know if anything comes of it πŸ™‚ Did you end up sending the text?

    also… been there done that as far as loaning money to family… I loaned $400 to my FI’s sister (we were really close) when she got caught up in some stuff with her loser boyfriend and ended up needing bail money… never got paid back and she’s avoided us like the plague ever since *sigh*

    Post # 9
    1992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    ooo definitely too harsh!

    Txting is so rough when you’re ALREADY not getting responses from written contact and are becoming increasingly frustrated so I agree, if you were close at one point and all, it shouldn’t be too hard to pick up the phone and at least leave her a message (keeping your tone light and friendly) saying something along the lines of this… this is what I would say at least~

    “Hi ____, sooo its been a few weeks and I just wanted to see how you are & bring you up to speed on all the plans & etc so if you can please give me a call back its really important to my sanity that we connect so pleeeease give me a call ASAP, kay? kay great. LOVE YOU BYEEE!”

    You’re being super sweet and non-threatening so how can she not feel bad/avoid you any longer? If she does, THEN maybe get a little more stern and again leave her a message or whatever but make sure she’s the one being the maidzilla, not you and remember you are in control so you can kick her out if she continues to be MIA and rude AND flower girls are a dime a dozen (usually little girls JUMP at the opportunity! hehe) so don’t worry bout that.

    Hope it works out!

    Post # 11
    1513 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    lame that she hasnt paid you!!! money is such a miserable topic in general…extra stressful when you have to worry about her expenses and your whole wedding bill!

    i agree with others that the first drafts was way too harsh. justified, but harsh!

    i think some one said text might be tricky and i agree. it’s really hard to read tone in a text, so even non-harsh things come out super bitchy unless the text is chock full of smiley faces and exclaimation points. there is also no controlling for environment/timing/mood with a text… texts just appear and are there… if shes having a miserable day at work and just got yelled at or is late for an appointment, etc, shes then going to have this text thrust upon her and read it with whatever non-related factors are happening for her. At least with a call or voicemail, she can choose to take the call or listen when she is in a mental space to do so?

    just a suggestion in hopes that you will see your $ (and hopefully your cousin) without feeling like there’s anymore drama πŸ™‚


    Post # 13
    13012 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    So glad to hear it all panned out without any extra drama!  It would have been awful if you sent that text and then came home to that overlapping message!  Everyone slips sometimes, so just chalk it up to forgetfulness, and be thankful she rectified her mistake!

    Post # 14
    23602 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @WineAndCupcakes:  Thank goodness your crisis was averted!!!! πŸ™‚  It’s getting so close! Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help!

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