Post # 1
I am on a mission to lose another 20 pounds before the wedding (8 so far!). I have been kind of quiet in my goal. I don’t really talk about going to the gym or controlling my food intake; it’s just not my style to do so. People really close to me know that I am working on improving my fitness. Much of this for me is a cognitive change.
I’ve been noticing that there seem to be people who aren’t very supportive of my refusal for certain foods! I don’t think it’s necessarily intentional, but it’s annoying (and slightly interesting, I’m a psychology nerd so I’m always analyzing). For example: Last week at a work meeting two people offered to buy my lunch as a belated birthday treat. I graciously declined because I had brought my lunch (so I knew the calories I would be consuming), plus, I knew there would be birthday cake and I really wanted to have a tiny piece. I thanked the ladies for their offer, but they kept insisting. Of course, one of them has to say “Oh, you’re being good?” I am glad I stood my ground (I think they thought I was being rude) and stuck with my brown-bag lunch.
Another example: A co-worker’s boyfriend brought her this amazing looking donut. I mean, it was beautiful. Raised, glazed and lots of cinnamon and sparkly sugar. It looked divine. For whatever reason, she said she didn’t want it and offered it to me. I said no thank you. She then said I should take a bite. Once again, no thanks. She then offers to get a knife and cut it half. Ummmm….NO!! So proud of myself that I did NOT take any donut (and it was a spectacular looking donut). Later she sent me a message that she ate the whole donut and felt like crap. Maybe she was looking for a misery-loves-company donut companion.
Why do people push foods to those who decline? I have my own theories on this. It gets really annoying sometimes! I can be a rather blunt person, but I would like to refrain from exclaiming “Uh hi…..you can see I’m fat, right? Why are you offering me that?!?!”
Anyone else have similar experiences while working on changing eating and exercising habits?
Post # 3
I think it’s more people feel better about their OWN bad choices if others make bad choices too. Like “oh, it’s okay I had that 300 calorie donut because everyone else did”. Once you start showing restraint and making better choices, it makes people feel guilty.
It’s about their stuff, not about yours – just ignore it! You’re doing great!
Post # 4
It drives me nuts when people do it!!! Most of the time, I think they feel badly aboaut their own poor choices and, if others join in, they feel less guilty. I also think that sometimes there are people who have awesome metabolisms who are naive to how much discipline it takes for some of us to lose weight/maintain a healthy weight. But, it my experience, most of the time it’s people who want you to join them in bad choices so they don’t feel (as) guilty.
Post # 5
@MissBoston: I think you’re dead on!
I was dealing with this a lot at work when I first set on a mission to lose weight, work out, and generally be healthier.
I got lots of comments like, "Oh, don’t even ask her…she’s on a DIET!" And I refused a lot of lunch outings because I like to go to the gym on my lunchbreak.
I just ignored the comments and eventually, they stopped.
Post # 6
I agree with PPs. Mainly I think it is because it is easier to feel better about eating bad things if others eat bad things with you. Just as it is easier to eat healthy if everyone around you is eating healthy.
I have also come across those people who struggle to keep weight on, so eating a lot is just something they have to do. However, I find those people are usually less likely to insist you eat with them or eat what they are eating.
Post # 7
I’ve vented about my coworkers doing this to me. In addition to always watching my weight (I’m very proud of the fact that I lost 30% of my body weight and went from being overweight with life threatening cholestorol levels to at the bottom of my recommended weight scale) I actually DONT LIKE SWEETS so I’m not tempted in the office to indulge when people bring them in (like every day).
It actually almost got nasty once when it was my coworkers Bday and someone brought her some brownies as a present. I don’t like sweets, but I HATE any kind of baked goods, esp brownies. They make me want to puke (sorry, tmi). And this woman would NOT STOP trying to make me eat them! She actually got personal and tried to guilt trip me, saying I was being rude to the person who gave them to HER!!! Her guilting lasted all day and even part of the next day. She was DETERMINED to make me eat the brownies. I didn’t and kept brushing her off politely, but I was pissed!
All the people who do this to me are overweight. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it, but it’s the truth!
Post # 8
I am kind of anti-weight loss in general (pro healthy habits and healthy body image, anti-scale and basing your habits around the way they make you look), so I come at it from a different perspective. Harassing people to eat something they have said they don’t want to eat is just not cool!
Also – it’s not “good” or “bad.” It’s just food – it’s not some grand moral decision like giving millions to charity or abusing children. I feel like maybe if more people saw it that way it would be a little easier to make their own decisions and a lot easier to avoid trying to get other people to eat stuff they don’t want to “share in the sin.” It’s stuff to eat when you’re hungry and therefore if you’re not hungry, it’s just not as appetizing!
Post # 9
People have this crazy need to force food. I think maybe because they feel self-conscious when they notice others not having something?
Not kidding you, in my 10+ years as a vegetarian, someone has tried to convince me to eat “just a little” meat, or said, “come on, it’s just little pieces” and they’ve been offended or not let it go when I refused.
Post # 10
@moderndaisy: That’s crazy. Why did she care if you ate the brownies or not?? Nuts!
@lilyfaith: People tried to get you to eat meat? How rude!
I just can’t believe people actually try to get others to eat things they don’t want to! Geez!
Post # 11
@moderndaisy: I can’t believe that! I guess maybe she was trying to force the brownies on you so she wouldn’t eat them all?
Post # 12
I feel like people are just trying to be nice. I mean really, if they want to buy you lunch or give you a yummy doughnut, that seems like a nice thing to me if they don’t know that you’re dieting.
A friend of mine just offered me a cake b/c it was left over from a party. I politely declined, and then she felt bad for offering b/c she knows I’m on weight watchers and forgot. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing that she offered, as long as I have the self control to say no and that’s my own issue.
Post # 13
I think it really depends (on the person, on the tone of voice, on whether or not they know you’re trying to eat healthier…). They might just be trying to assure you that they aren’t just offering the food to be polite, that they really are happy to share it. I do that sometimes if I’ve brought in cookies and it seems like some one wants one but is too polite to ask/accept.
However, after they’ve declined a second time, I would certainly not keep pushing! Anyone who does that is being rude and probably does have some of the issues previous posters have mentioned.
@lilyfaith: I’ve been vegetarian for 8 years, and this definitely has happened to me too. It really is weird how some people take your choices personally.
Post # 14
@artbee: Offering once is once thing. Demanding that someone take a bite or offering the same item over and over and over is a totally different thing.
Post # 15
I always laughed when certain people commented on how healthy they thought my diet was. For instance, a smoker. You want to tell ME what’s healthy? Right. Or someone downing a Snickers bar and a can of Red Bull. I just look at the source.
But whenever people try to guilt me into eating something off-menu I usually call them out on it. “You do realize it’s rude of you to tell me what to eat, right?” Or “I’m on a diet, not a guilt trip. Get that crap away from me.” But I work around people with a pretty thick skin, so that’s not a huge deal.
My biggest diet sabateur is my hubby. It’s really hard to tell HIM no!
Post # 16
I have no problem with the offer, because that is someone being polite, generous, friendly, etc.
It’s after I decline (no thank you) that they keep persisting! Oh c’mon, c’mon….oh are you being “good”? You should just have a bite? Why? Why don’t you want to eat it?
There was another event (damn…we have a lot of food at my work!) recently in which there were several different cheesecakes being served. I don’t really care for cheesecake, so I looked at it as “why waste calories why on something I don’t like”. I hung out at the event and chatted with people. There were at least four people I had to fend off their urges to eat cheesecake. And, this was coming from women that are very fit! Then someone made the comment “Ohhhh…you have that wedding coming up.”
I also had two friends make me dessert items for my birthday. WHY??? I’m fat! I just don’t get it.