Post # 17
Oh my god thank you for this post! I have been so stressed out lately and it’s taking a toll on my sex drive. My problem might be a little bit different though — the BF can’t…ahem…get himself off. This has been a problem for him since he was a teenager and he’s gone to different doctors and counselors, but to no avail. On top of that, his sex drive is VERY high. I mean, he would love to get busy multiple times a day every day. I love him very much and I want to be able to satisfy his needs, but lately it just seems impossible. I’d say we’re at about 3-5x/week, which I think is pretty normal, but I feel a lot of pressure because I know that he wants a lot more. He just can’t “take care of it” himself when I’m too tired or too stressed. It gets to the point where it makes him really moody, causes him physical pain, and will keep him up at night! He never pushes me to do anything when I’m just not in the mood, but I know that it’s frustrating and literally painful for him so I end up feeling guilty. I’m not sure that any of you have had to deal with this — I didn’t even know that men could have this problem until we started dating…but wow it feels good to get this off my chest!
Post # 18
I’m so glad to know I’m not alone out there. It’s something a lot of people expereince, but hardly anyone talks about. I’ve defintely tried the fake it until you make it, because most of the time I do get really into it and am glad afterwards. Plus it also helps me get tired and I fall asleep more easily afterwards.
I think something that adds to our stress is that we go to FI’s parents every single weekend! His dad has had a lot of medical issues, and Fiance has been helping out back home. So we are feet from his parents room. Before we moved in together, we’d still do it there and try to be super quiet, but now that we are living together I try to avoid it at his parents’.
Thankfully, Fiance is really pretty understanding and doesn’t make me feel guilty or pick fights about it. The guilt is pretty self imposed, and I keep thinking that we don’t even have kids yet, which makes me feel like there’s always going to be pressure to do it more and more. It’s at least good to know that I’m not alone, and it’s not threatening our realtionship.
Post # 19
I am in the same boat sort of, my DH has low sex drive, which i knew would be a possibility due to his medications (anti-depressants). It still feels like he is blowing me off and can be hurtful. But at the same time i dont want to be nagging and hurt his feelings about this issue. We just got married so i did mention “we are on our honeymoon” to him and he just says i know.
Post # 20
Ours are polar opposites – his is low, mine is high. It’s frustrating, and I don’t know how we’ll ever have a baby if this keeps up. 🙁 It’s really a source of contention in our relationship. The only one, actually.
Post # 21
@ laylabelle, that about sums it up for me, thats been our one issue so far.
Post # 22
He always wants it, but he frequently has to lure me into it- once I’m interested, then I’ll jump into it, but outside of that…I’m a control freak, and pretty ocd about things, and I’m a clean freak, so I tend to regulate sex into hour-amounts during the week. It’s fun and crazy then (I’m not boring, lol, we’re all about crazy stuff, whips chains and all!), but if he, for example, wanted sex before I went to work or before we went out to dinner, no, hah, because to be blunt, it isn’t worth the repetition of a 2 hour makeup/hair/dressing routine, re-showering, etc. I’m really anal about my look outside the house, nothing can be out of place or I get agitated. Am I an uptight pain? Oh yes, I am 😉 Do I have a high sex drive, somewhat, but it’s easier and neater AND faster if I take care of it myself, HAH! 😀
Post # 23
I’m so happy to see that I’m not alone in the role reversal here: my libido is way higher than FI’s and, like Laylabelle, it’s the ONLY thing we ever have serious fights about. It’s quite upsetting.
Post # 24
I have a hire sex drive than the hubby! It’s funny. I’ve had to tone my down.
Post # 25
I have a way higher sex drive than him. I could easily have sex every day. Our problem is that our schedules are so different! He gets UP at 1 AM to get ready for work. I am either in bed by then or usually go to bed shortly thereafter. I get up at 6 am, except for the summer when I might sleep in until 8 or 9 AM. He works 12 to 14 hour days, so he is often too tried for sex. I usually get home 4 PM or so in the afternoon and he goes to bed at 6 PM. If it sounds like we don’t get a lot of time together, we don’t. I don’t know how we had so much sex during the first year but it is getting increasingly difficult to have sex anymore.