Post # 1
Please help! My boyfriend and I have been dating a while and are “saving ourselves” for marriage and we do talk about getting married in the future. So our ” sex life” consists of oral and making out everytime we see each other. Usually I am the one not wanting to do stuff everytime.
But twice he said is worried that “makeout too much” and swears it is not Catholic guilt or anything. What am I supposed to read this as? He says he wants to get to know me as a complete person and is NOT losing interest and wants to more forward. Hope this makes sense? Is he lying and actually losing interest? I’ve never had a guy say this too me so I am confused. Usually I have dated pigs who just want sex :(Am I overanalyzing things?
Post # 3
Is making out/sexual acts interfering with your time to do things outside the house or have conversations or experience life? IE go to dinner, cook together, just sit and chat, go for walks, have a dinner party? If so, then I agree with him.
Not sure how it is, but from the way it sounds it reminds me of highschool where you would go to each others houses to make out. But as adults you should be sharing each others lives and enjoyments, its not just about the physical relationship, but also the emotional.
Post # 4
@ThreeMeers: yes sometimes it interfers.
Post # 5
No, I see his point. He wants time to actually do fun things with you outside the bedroom and wants to better get to know the person you are instead of the physical part of the relationship. If all you do when you see each other is makeout and such, then you’re not leaving much time to actually learn more about each other. Go out to a park or go bowling or paintballing or something outside the house where you can be yourselves and have fun. A long term relationship requires a friendship and not just a sex buddy. If you only feed half the relationship, then the entire thing will starve. Be thankful that he wants to get to know you as a person and not be content with having you as a sex partner. I doubt he’s losing interest, but if you two start doing more activities out in the world and he still seems distant towards the intimate part of the relationship, then talk to him about how you feel. It’s best to be open and honest about feelings when they first show up so they don’t have time to dwell and eventually erupt, which usually leads to an argument.
Post # 6
@sesame: Then I agree with him. How can you continute to learn and grow with him if you are always making out? Relationships are not about the physical. The physical can influence the relationship, but it is not the focus.
Post # 7
If your sex life (for lack of a better word) is interfering with your relationship, you need to reevaluate your priorities. Sexual chemistry and attraction is important, but it does not make a healthy relationship on its own.
Post # 8
what he’s saying is a good thing!! you need to know each other outside of the bedroom if you want to have a relationship that lasts
Post # 9
The points made by other PPs are totally plausible, but here’s another possible reason….You guys are saving yourself for marriage. It must be *hard* (pun!) for him to be making out and doing oral all the time without anything else. Seriously, that’s gotta be torture.
Post # 10
My boyfriend used to say this, too. It wasn’t because he wasn’t interested but because he overthinks EVERYTHING and then feels the need to share it. I got confused and hurt but then I realized I was “hurt” by what I had always wanted.
It’s a very good thing that your man wants to take you out and get to know everything about you. Don’t let past jerks who couldn’t keep it in their pants make you think THEY were the “normal” ones and there’s something wrong with your boyfriend who knows true love is based on way more than lust!
Post # 11
Can I ask why you guys make out and/or have oral every time you see each other? It seems like neither one of you wants to do that, so I’m just wondering why it happens. I know when my husband and I first started dating, we made out and had sex whenever we got the chance, but we also watched movies, went out to dinner, met with friends, talked, etc.
Also, I agreed with PP who mentioned that all the making out and oral might be straining your boyfriend’s restraint. It’s really hard (and painful sometimes!) to get so worked up sexually and then not have a release. Obviously the oral helps, but still.
Maybe make it a point to do something together that doesn’t involve physical intimacy at least half the time you see each other. Or even if you want to do something physical, try to work in other things, like making dinner together first.
Post # 12
thank you bees! this is so embarrassing to share – lol your advice is helping me understand things better.
@ twofortheshow – i guess i wasn’t very clear . we makeout everytime we see each other, so that includes if we go to a party, movie or whatever – it will conclude with somesort of intimacy.
i just worry because with an ex long ago we had no intimacy at all – all we did was go to this party, that party, this dinner, that event – which probably explains why he is an ex. lol
Post # 13
I would be worried that you have different sex drives. Maybe he just wants it less than you do. Not that he doesnt find you attractive and want to do things with you, just wants to do it less.
In my experience, guys can handle it when the woman wants it less than them. But when they woman wants it more, it put a weird dynamic that they cant handle.
We can speculate til the cows come home, but we wont really know the answer. You need to ask him more questions and talk about what he really meant.
Post # 14
@Dialysate: +1 Maybe it’s too frustrating for him. Would be for me, not to mention for my husband especially in the beginning.