(Closed) Different Approach to Gifting?

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My husband got his groomsmen stuff that didn’t have to do with the wedding. I got my girls pashminas and a candle. I think it all depends on budget. 

Personally, I would love to get one of those fancy silk robes as a bridesmaid but that’s just me. 

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I personally designed jewelry and got them made for each of my bridesmaids. Designed specifically to their taste. I told them they could wear it or not wear it on the wedding day it was up to them. They all wore the necklaces but only one Bridesmaid or Best Man wore the earrings. I also made a photobook for each of them documenting our friendship.

So their gifts were definitely something that I would also get them for their birthdays, but they also were open to wear the jewelry if they chose too!

Post # 5
Hostess
8577 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I won’t be giving my bm’s anything to do with the wedding date/or wedding things as their actual gift. I think it’s silly when ladies give those types of gifts to their bms. I also think anything that the bride wants a picture of [for example, those cute hangers for the dresses] isn’t a “gift” because the bride wants it.

 

Post # 6
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m getting the girls spa kits, robes with their name on it, and a personal “shop like it’s their birthday” gift. The boys are getting travel toiletries sets in a travel bag, robes with their name on it, and a personal “shop like it’s their birthday” gift. I know that my bridespeople expect a lot less … they are all expecting just a necklace/cufflinks. I know most of them wear and like robes, and only one has ever been in a wedding before, so they don’t already have the ones with their names on them. I am going to try to make them jewelry (I do silversmithing as a hobby) if I have time, but I’m not sure if I will. At any rate, while they could wear it for the wedding if they want, my wedding style is different from my silversmithing style so it doesn’t matter if they do.

My budget is around $150 per person, so I’m spending about $70 on the matching stuff and about $80 on the individual gifts (if I end up making jewelry, I’m not counting that in the costs because I already have the supplies). I do think it’s really silly to give anything that is directly wedding-related like has “bridesmaid” on it or anything – no one would ever use it again!

Post # 8
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@futuremrsndl:  i agree that a lot of stuff is useless after the wedding, but jewellery isnt always a bad thing unless youre buying it to make them look like clones

eg my mum was looking at simple silver bracelets from tiffanys (no stones) that i think could easily be worn after wedding and its to their taste.

anything with “bridesmaid” or wedding date though…yeah i get what you mean! i still havent chosen my Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts yet. i dont like the tiffany idea as i think youre paying just for the name…and same amount of money could get you something nicer elsewhere

Post # 9
Member
4337 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We did robes for the bridesmaids/groomsmaids, but they just had their initials – nothing wedding-specific, and they weren’t expected to wear them on the wedding day.  (I know that at least 2 of them use them regularly.) We also got them diamond candles, so not wedding-related either.

For our guys, we got them monogrammed duffel bags and nerf guns. Again, I know some of the guys use the duffel bags and the guns were a lot of fun at the rehearsal. (My brother shot me in the head as I was giving a thank you speech to our parents!)

So we didn’t do birthday, per se, since we did the same gifts (by gender), but they weren’t wedding-related either. It seemed to work out well!

 

Post # 10
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

There are a fair number of threads on the bee where the gifts are selected for the person.  There’s a lot of different budgets and reasons that people pick what they do. Often giving people their jewelry and such as a gift is a way to make the cost of being a bridesmaid less and to stay within the budget of the couple.

Personally, I 100% agree about stuff that is labeled with the wedding date, names of the couple, or “bridesmaid.”  I also don’t really care for things that are one-offs that would normally be in a set, but that’s personal preference and life stage.  ie – customized wine glasses.  In university I would have used it, but now I don’t want it.

 

Post # 11
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m from Sweden and I have to admit that the gift thing was completely new to me when I started to plan our wedding. However, after doing all wedding planning here in Canada, I came to like the idea of giving my bridesmaids something as a token of appreciation. Problem was that I just wasn’t sure what to give as I really didn’t like many of the um… “traditional gifts”. In many cases, they just felt tacky. So thanks for your post, I will definitely follow the ‘shop like it’s their birthday’ rule. So now, I will most likely end up buying some Scandinavian porcelain for them!

Post # 12
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A lot of brides get so caught up in the excitement of their big day that they forget that the gift to their bridesmaid isn’t also about them. It’s supposed to be about the bridesmaids. Hopefully your post will serve as a gentle reminder that, even though it’s “our” day, the gift needs to be about spoiling our bridesmaids, not about adding another useless souvenir to their already crowded closets.

Post # 13
Member
8511 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@fishbone:  +1000 plus I wanted to add that the gift isn’t about an outfit accessory or photo prop for your wedding.

I also think it is good to remember that our friends are never going to tell us that the gifts suck, which is why I think there are a lot of posts in these threads by brides who say my BM’s all said they loved it. I would say the same thing to a close friend and then shove it in a drawer never to be used/worn except for once or twice in the brides company so she doesn’t feel bad.

Post # 14
Member
5766 posts
Bee Keeper

I personally think the whole thing has gotten out of hand. If someone is willing to spend $150.+ per attendent, why not buy their dresses for them and rent their suits as well and be done with it? I think they’d appreciate that more than anything else.

Traditionally, the wedding attendents were only given a small token of appreciation as a thank you for being there for you. Of course in those days showers were not as overboard as they are now, and batchelorettes weren’t even done, so the expense to be in someone’s wedding wasn’t astronomical. Now it seems like everything has become a production of epic proportions, and attendent gift giving is following suit.

Post # 15
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My girls are getting Clare Vivier card cases and a simple gold bracelet that they can wear (or not wear) at the wedding

http://clarevivier.com/cardcase.htm

I totally agree about getting accessories for the wedding.  I’ve been a bmaid 6 times now and probably half of the gifts I receive fall into this category.  Incidentally, I have no idea what has happened to those accessories as they aren’t things I would wear in everyday life.  

 

Post # 16
Hostess
8577 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think things with the date, or the words BRIDESMAID or MAID OF HONOR was silly. Nobody ever uses those things. They either just get thrown away, shoved in a drawer, or sold on ebay/garade sale day. It’s just wasted money when you could have gotten them something so much better!

I plan to get some really cute tote bags [like, from JCP or something, not the typical wedding gift ones], and stuff it with all kinds of things – makeup, fashion jewelry, gourmet candies, books or games, each one will be specific to each girl. I only have 2 girls so my budget is more open. Right now I’m allowing $100 each for each, but will probably be more.

Anything that I want pictures of in my wedding album [cute hangers, matching outfits/robes], and even the luncheons, will NOT be considered a gift to my bridesmaids, but rather as a part of the day itself.

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