(Closed) Different Invites

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You’re right to avoid inviting people who you’re “certain” can’t come.  Could you compromise with him and send those particular people wedding announcements after you are married?

Post # 4
Member
13017 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should do all of the same invitations.  If, somehow, one of the “cheap” invitations found out about it, they’d probably be hurt.  IMO, it’s not right to tier your invitations for people you think are worth it. 

Post # 6
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I’d do all the same invites, no matter what. I have an Aunt and an Uncle who live nearby, and while it’s up in the air if my Aunt will come, if I were to send her a different invite, I can be pretty sure they’d see the different invites since they see each other. Talk about awkward!

Does he “know” they can’t come – these people have come out and said they can’t come OR does he “assume” they won’t come – based upon them being Out of Town, etc.? Those are two very different things. Assuming is a bad thing because, hey, maybe they’ll come! It’s worth the time and money to see you guys get married. But, if in conversation these people declared they can’t make it, then they shouldn’t get an invite. Then it looks like you’re fishing for a gift. An announcment can be sent to them after the wedding.

Post # 8
Member
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree they all need to be the same invitations. And don’t invite people if it would cause major problems if they end up coming. Life changes and sometimes people are able to come that don’t expect it and then what are you going to do? But I love the idea of wedding announcements for those that can’t make it to the wedding!

Post # 9
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@armychica06:  Eh, I don’t see how it would be disrespectful if they’ve come out and said they’re not coming. If I told someone I can’t make it and still got an invite, I’d wonder where the line of communication had gone awry.

Post # 10
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We have family members in other countries and many of them has said that they wish us well, but it is highly unlikely they can make it (especially older folks who can’t handle the long-haul flight).

For the ones we already spoke to and then found out they weren’t able to come, we sent them the official invitation with RSVPS/enclosure cards and the whole shebang (okay, I did leave off the stamp!) anyway. Our theory was that we already mentioned it and so we wanted to make sure they felt included anyway. They appreciated it and emailed/called me to say that they were beautiful and thank you for thinking of them.The majority of them also sent us monetary gifts that more than covered the cost of printing and postage (and I used priority international via USPS, not just first class).

For ones we didn’t speak to but found out from our parents/family that they won’t make it, we will probably just send them an announcement, if that. My grandma wanted me to send the invitation to all her siblings (many of whom are very very old and definitely can’t travel) but we vetoed that idea since that would very likely look like we’re fishing for gifts, IMO.

Post # 11
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If they are close enough to tell you verbally they cannot come, they should receive an invitation so they don’t think that you didn’t include them because you told you they could not come.  Did you do save the dates?  If yes, and they received one, they DEFINITELY need an inivitation.

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