Post # 1
I’m having a problem. Last night my boyfriend informed me that he would handle the reception for our Destination Wedding in Hawaii. Since he lived there for 18 yrs I thought it would be ok. Turns out he wants to have it at a family friend’s house with people bringing in food buffet style..OK this sooooo not what I want, about as far away from it as I can think of. I wanted a classy higher end restraunt set up for the reception with us going out afterwards on the town. We only have about 15 guest, all of which I’m paying for to be there in. So at this point I don’t even know why I should even bother getting a dress, have a photgrapher, any of it if he wants to have a buffet dinner in a family’s garage I’ve never meet.. I mean if it was cartered and set up nicely I could see it working but he dosn’t even seem to think that needed. He says all weddings there low key and casual…but I’m NOT from there !!! I’m seriously not happy about this since I really wanted a romantic evening. I am not flying in guest for this and just basically feel as if he ruined my day.
* I posted this in another area but see that it belongs here, sorry ! *
Post # 3
Have you spoken to him about it? If you are this upset then you should definitely tell him that this is not what you envisioned and maybe you can find a nice compromise somewhere.
A lot of guys just don’t “get” the whole wedding thing and why it is such a big deal. Mine doesn’t, and originally he wanted a small potluck sort of thing too because he was worried about cost, but we worked out a nice compromise and are having a daytime wedding, which cut our catering costs in half over having an evening one.
Post # 4
I’m sure the two of you can find a compromise between these two different ideas!
What about sitting down (separately) and writing down what you want for your wedding – specific things if you have them (i.e. ‘a three tier cake so we can have a traditional cake cutting’) or intangible (i.e. ‘formal’). You’ll probaby have a lot more on your list than he will, so you should probably rank stuff as “must have”, “really want”, “could negotiate”, and write down WHY things are important to you.
Then bring your lists together and talk through them. It sounds like you’ve talked some about this already, but sometimes getting stuff on paper helps see it from a clear perspective what the other person is thinking, and you can start to find middle ground to work from.
Post # 5
Well every time I try and bring it up he is busy , headache, or in bad mood…..so we never get to talk about it..
Post # 6
schedule a time. Tell him, very firmly, “I love that you want to help with our wedding plans, but I have a lot of ideas too, but I know now isn’t a good time to do it, so let’s schedule a time to talk about wedding stuff.”