(Closed) Different work schedules are making me feel lonely!

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We have to deal with it too. So I know it sucks!

Post # 4
44 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

I feel your pain too! Right now my fiance and I have NO days off together… unless one of us takes a day of leave from our jobs.  It can be hard sometimes but I just try to stay positive and know that we are working for wedding and house $… hang in there!  I work nights 7p-7a and he works days 7a-5:30p… completely opposite!

Post # 6
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We deal with that too. I work days. He works nights. If I’m lucky I might get to see him in the morning for like 2 minutes has he is coming home and I’m leaving. Then we get to see each other for 3 hours after I get off work and he heads to work. It sucks. But we make it work out somehow.

Post # 7
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry sweetie, that really sucks!  It’s tough when you have different schedules.  When we first moved, my husband and I had different schedules and now he travels a lot so we don’t get as much time together.  You guys will figure out what works for the two of you.

Post # 8
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can totally empathize.  For 2 years during my anesthesiology residency, my husband worked 3pm-11pm while I worked 6am-6pm or so.  I was usually asleep when he got home, and obviously he had no interest in getting up before 5 with me.  For a few months, he worked weekend days and had 2 weekdays off, which meant more days we saw each other but no long periods of time together.  He usually had weekends off, but I worked 2-3 weekends a month.  Ugh – it was so hard.  For the first few months of that, I was doing a lot of wedding planning, and I found that really helped.  Having projects was the key for me, first for the wedding and after we were married I just tried to find things to work on.  I also studied a lot and watched movies that I knew he wouldn’t be interested in.  I found it a lot of fun to prepare a nice meal, and I would leave his in the fridge.  It wasn’t every day that I did that, but I know he always appreciated coming home from work to find a tasty dinner waiting for him, and it made me feel good to know that we’d be eating the same meal and he wouldn’t just eat whatever he could scrounge up.  Those are some of the things that got me through.  It was HARD though.  Oh, and I had my dog, that was nice, so I felt a lot less lonely.  It was great for her, too, because somebody was almost always home with her.  

You’ll get through it!  

Post # 9
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

We deal with that as well. He works 1hr away and I work down the street. I work 10:30-7, 6-2, 10-6:30, etc. He works 1-9 normally all week and it takes him up to an hour to get home. We are never together unless magically we have a day off together. ๐Ÿ™ 

Post # 10
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Fi and I went through it too when he was working nights for a few months.  You might try making a weekly date… it’s not that difficult to take a nap after work, set your alarm, then get up and make dinner then go back to sleep together.  We did that for a while, and it was nice.

Post # 11
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I always feel like I reply to your posts because I have some of the same situations! 

Anywho- we have opposite schedules right now, too. Especially since he is working nights right now.  I also work weekends.  Ugh, it’s been tough ๐Ÿ™

Post # 12
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So sorry to hear this!

If it makes you feel any better, my Fiance and I have opposite schedules, and it might not ever change..

I leave at 5:30 AM..he comes home at 6:30 AM

I come home at 5 and he leaves for work at 5. 

Luckily he works 2 days and has off 2 days. 

And he is also off every other weekend…

But the weekends he works are very lonely…

We just enjoy the hell out of the time we have together..whether it is a whole day..or an hour =) 

Post # 13
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Our situation is not as extreme.  I too am a teacher and I keep similar hours.  DH goes into the office whenever he wants but he is a night owl so I’m up and out before he awakens.  Not too long after dinner I’m ready for bed.  He isn’t.  But here is the kicker. DH is working on another degree and studies like a madman.  He’s here, but he may as well not be.  He studies long hours every day.  I don’t want to interrupt him while he is studying.  This fall, both of my teenagers will be in college as well.  Plus both of them now have jobs.  The youngest started her first job today.  I feel somewhat abandoned. Everyone will be in school except me.  Everyone’s days and evenings will be full except mine.  

So, my plan is to keep busy.  I’ll continue dance class on Fridays.  I just signed up for a Bible study/exercise class on Tuesdays.  I’m going to restart my book club that is supposed to meet monthly.  I’m going to make a conscious effort to get out the house and do fun things with friends and follow my interests.  

Post # 15
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

DH and I dealt with that.  He would work 7-3, and I would work 3-10:30, Friday-Monday.  Yuck!  But…it was temporary.  And this is for you too!  Maybe you can try to coordinate your schedules in advance for a day/a couple days when you can just do whatever you like (mini-vacation, etc).  The thing I “like” about being apart is that when you are together, you have real quality time, rather than having a lot of time together just watching tv or whatever (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Hang in there!  I promise it gets better!

Post # 15
1 posts

Hi. I decided to join this site because I noticed it has been years since anyone has wrote anything about this topic. But mainly because I have a lot of experience with it. Since my sweet baby girl was born my husband and I have had complete opposite schedules. He works nightshift 7pm-7am and I work day shift. My daughter will be 4 years old in march!! I am going absolutely insane. I have always told myself to keep going and hang in there. Sometimes it is much easier than others. To top it off my husband also is getting his bachelors degree, so when he isn’t working he is always doing homework. I know it is to better our lives and improve things for the future. This moment in time feels like a complete nightmare. I try to do everything possible to keep busy and have fun. Deep down the loneliness is affecting me in ways I never knew was even there! I think it has a greater impact on woman then men to be honest. Men are different and can handle this kind of life better in my opinion. For us woman who have time of months, who have these big emotions, who is the caregiver, homemaker, and gave birth…. it is HARDER for us women. At least that is what it seems like to me. Anyway, my dog keeps me going. The sad thing is my dog is older and has hip issues. We are doing everything to keep this dog around. My daughter loves our dog but she has no idea what he means to me in this hard time of life. We also have my cat that I have had for 10 years and a fish for a few years. Having the pets helps me so much. They are always here at home and NEVER leave me. 

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