(Closed) Difficult Bridesmaid – Need Advice!!!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Wow, that sounds a little tricky to say the least, I’m sorry you are stressing over this and I would recommend that you tell yourself that you are not in the least part responsible for how other people act. 

So you’ve got a volatile and extreme person in your life, she can’t help the way she is, and you can only love her as a whole, not in pieces…she can’t possibly do anything that will ruin your wedding short of an arson attempt or kidnapping, so keep that in your mind. 

Set her up to succeed at any and all events, there have got to be people she gets along with better than others, put her in their proximity and always have the number of a good cab company on hand in case someone needs to make a quick exit.

Finally, set your boundaries and limits, if she starts to push it, you let her know calmly that your almost finished doing whatever this is, she needs to find a way to get under control…she’s an adult, not a toddler, and if she’s upsetting you, as friends you should be able to communicate that with her and expect an emotionally invested listener who is interested in your happiness as well.

Post # 4
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s a very delicate subject and there’s too many chances for things to go wrong and backfire if you were going to talk to her about it.  Have you considered instead planning around the potentially problematic situations? Instead of a booze-and-clubbing bachelorette party, maybe a spa day would be better for everyone (it certainly is a lot more fun for many girls to get a massage and a pedi than to go out clubbing). You can still enjoy some cocktails but the focal point of the activity is not on drinking. Planning your day-of preparations to keep them stress-free would help, too. That probably means you’ll need more space and more time, but the benefits of less stress on ALL the girls would be huge.

I’m not saying don’t ever bring it up with her— something like “Janie, you know I love how passionate you can get! But not everyone knows you as well, so make sure you plan a lot of ‘me’ time along the way, so you can be really relaxed for all the events” might be a good start. But if you know that she’s prone to not always choosing her words carefully, you kind of have a responsibility NOT to put her in those situations where you know she’s not going to do well.

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